ex boyfriend broke up due to depression

[chloe23]

My (ex) boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me about 2 months ago. Ever since november last yr, he has not been himself. He started medicine last  yr and stressed about exams and broke down before his finals.He called me for support and I was there. I had noticed a big change since then in terms of his outlook on life. After he broke up, it made more sense. we were fine one minute but he'd get easily frustrated at things that we used to get over and not worry about. He'd get angry, even when I'm calm.I had gone through a rough patch last yr myself and was depressed so I know exactly how he must feel now. He told me once he was a bit depressed and he's living by the day. I tried to talk about it but he didn't want to, ever since he hasn't mentioned and just said he's fine with life and didn't seem unhappy.

 I initially believed the break up was actually us not being happy, but with time apart, it made me realise so much about how he has changed. He became distant and wanted space and missed me so much the other times. I saw him a month after the break up,I was finding it so difficult to accept the break up, I tried my best to be happy around him and show how comfy he is around me.He seemed to miss me so much and seemed so upset and not okay but denies it and acts so fine with others. He'd say things like he's not a good person, he will hurt me, he is damaged goods. It was scary for me to see him like that and I decided i should keep contact and check up instead of leaving him alone.

I still wanted to be his gf and lacked the patience.He would say, you're expecting a relationship out of me, i can't give it and theres no chance for us again. i don't want to believe this because of the state he's in but hearing it hurts so much! He says when the time is right, he will find someone,he will have to live with the consequences if he made the wrong choice about us.I know we were only dating for 3 yrs but we were very serious and really set on future. Suddenly I'm not his future, I'm not the one, he can't make me happy and that i made him miserable.

 I do want to be there for him, make him come out of this well and show him I am always there for him and I am a fighter for the both of us when he can't.But he keeps pushing me away. Face to face he seems to struggle but online he is so fake. Should I believe all the things he says, will time help? I don't want to not contact him but I don't know if I'll be okay being there and knowing i'll never have him. Please advice

[Sunlight_flower]

I'm going thru something similar. 5 years together, 2montha ago my boyfriend started struggling. Then a month ago he up and left to be with family 4 hours away.

He doesn't want to talk about anything other then formal things (we own a house together). Till this morning I felt very alone in this; like it was just us going thru this, that it was all my fault. But reading the beyond blue pages has made me feel less alone and it's comforting to know that others have gone thru what I am. Its's not me or him, it's the anxiety and possible depression. 

[RickyAus]

I was you ex boyfriend! In a different love story that's quite the same.

ive suffered depression most of my life. Without getting into a really long story a mixture of the wrong medication and life challenges sent me into a downward spiral. I pushed my ex away and shortly afterwards I've regretted it ever since. That was 9 months ago. I wish she would contact me but I feel like she is better off without me. My advice is if you really care about your ex send a message and check in from time to time. It might bring you closer and it might not. But being a depressed person I don't have the mental strength to chase my ex it's just too hard and I already feel like she hates me and is better off without me anyway. Actually that's how I feel about most of the world...

[Cellfie]

Hi Chloe, I found this post now and am in EXACTLY the same scenario- it's scary. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me suddenly two months ago, and since then his behaviour has completely changed; he's dating another girl he doesn't even like, he's okay if we catch up but is very quick to dismiss me if we talk over text, he's out partying and talking to all these girls he once hated...he's also trying to into medicine (told you it was similar!!!). I guess I just want to know how your story ended... I'm trying to be there and support him, but he just dismisses me and thinks I'm the one accusing him of things, not acknowledging that I've known him for so long and know he isn't behaving like normal. Can I ask if your ex eventually realised it was due to depression, and if he came back? He has a family history of depression and has been overcome with stress with the medical entry exam (he just found out he didn't do well, after dedicating months to this- that was the snapping point, as he saw me as only distracting him and that he wasn't good enough for me, telling me to move on the day after he broke it off). I guess I just want to know if there's hope..from December to now he hasn't seemed normal, but the last 3 weeks he's gone way off the tracks dating multiple girls and accusing me of trying to interfere and make him feel guilty. I guess I just want to know if your ex realised his mistake, if he came back and apologised, and what happened in the end

thank you so much 😞

[Moniiquex]

I was wondering how your situation is currently going as I’m going through the exact same thing at the moment and was curious if your situation had gotten any better?

[Angie88]

Hi there, I’m in a situation similar , my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago for depression his dad pass away, we are still living in the same house, he feels I didn’t supporting in his lost, he want us to be friends because he sais he can love anyone right now but he does love me. All this situation is giving me anxiety, I can’t eat, work or sleep. I don’t know what to do stay here and don’t leave him alone or move out and do my own thing. Please advice

[SADSISTER]

Hi Everyone

I am experiencing a similar experience to you all. Dumped by my partner out of the blue on boxing day, citing reasons of not being good enough for me, I deserve better to its my fault as I made him feel inconsequential and worthless, back to I am a goddess and he is not worthy.

We had been together 3 years and were planning to wed in 1 month.

I have long suspected that he was suffering depression and attempted to help him and have him acknowledge his feelings in order to seek help.

He has reasons to feel down, down turn in economy has all but made his degree useless as he has been unable to find work as an engineer since completing uni 2 years ago. His family are opposed to our relationship ( considerable age gap hes in his 30's I'm in my 40's as well different cultural backgrounds)

He admitted also to being treated for depression whilst at uni.

He loves me and we are in contact though only through messages. No face to face or telephone.

My question to you all is .... In any of these cases did your partner return?

I love him but my friends and family are urging me to let go and move on. To be clear no one was opposed to our relationship but they are upset about how and when he left me and fear that this will become an ongoing occurrence should we get back together. They are concerned for me.

I love my partner and want our life back but wonder a) the probability of his return b) if he does will this keep happening?

Am I dreaming hoping for our life back?

Do I need to face reality and move on?

Any advice from those of you who have experienced this would be greatly appreciated

[Minxi]

Hi Sad Sister

Same thing happened to me on xmas eve. I have not heard from him since and have not texted him because I am the "dumpee" and it seems desperate. It hurts that he hasn't contacted me but I'm glad your ex is still contacting you. It's easy for friends to tell you to let him go etc. They are not in your shoes. Go with your heart but be firm. Depression is not (in my opinion) a reason for someone to use others for happiness when it suits them and reject them when things are getting too much. Good luck to you.

minxi

[SADSISTER]

Thanks Minxi

Sorry to read that you are in the same position.

Sad Sister

[Bethie]

Minxi

As a suffer of depression and anxiety I can assure that using others for a feel good is not the case... It's a battle and I know in my case and my partners when either of us is going through a bad patch we try and push the people we care for most away to save them from us. Depression can give a person a feeling of low self worth and being in a relationship does not fix that. People in long term relationships become victims to depression everyday. Look at Robin Williams he paid the ultimate price with him depression.

[Bethie]

Please remember that a very large percentage of people who use BB are suffers of depression. If you are still experiencing issues with dealing with your old relationship maybe seek councilling. We are here to help people dealing with MH.

I feel very sad that you blame so much on a person with MH issues. Sad reality is some relationships just don't work no matter how hard we wish they would. It's at that point where stepping back and moving forward in life is important