Do I tell?

DoIDob · ‎25-02-2015

My partner suffered with Post traumatic Stress prior to me meeting him (approx 7 years ago)

He has recently (last 2-3 months) been a bit snappy and not really sleeping well at all and has admitted to me that he knows his triggers and they are present, also and almost immediately told me very clearly that he didnt want me to say anything to anyone. I understand that his workplace although it recognises PTS it does not deal well with it and he wants to keep it all on the down-low as there is much stigma attached with PTS suffers in his profession.

So, do I do anything, Do I leave it to him (note above mentioned convo happend approx 4 weeks back) or do I maybe say something to a friend of his who works in the same industry so they can look out for him and support him. Or should I just stick my nose out of it and be grateful that he felt comfortable enough to say anything at all?

Zeal · ‎25-02-2015

Hi,

Thanks for your post!

I think you should respect your partner's wishes by not telling anyone, including his friend in the industry. Even though you are only trying to help him, he will probably be upset and angry if he finds out you told someone after he specifically told you not to. He could then hesitate in trusting you with this sort of information again. From what you’ve posted, it seems to me that you’re leaning towards not telling anyone, which I think would be the best option for both of you.

However, your partner still needs to seek medical help. Keep talking to your partner about how he’s feeling, and how things are going generally for him. You could offer to make a doctor’s appointment for him, and drive him there. This way, he is guaranteed to get to the appointment. Be supportive, but try not to nag. Sorry if you don’t do this anyway! Choose an appropriate time when talking to your partner about his mental health. I think inappropriate times are when he first gets home from work (and wants to just unwind from the day); first thing in the morning (unless he isn’t busy and functions well at this time); in bed at night when you’re both tired; and in public where there is a risk of being overheard.

Talking to him sometime on the weekend when you both aren’t pressured for time is a good idea. If your partner refuses to seek help, keep trying. Be persistent, but as calm and compassionate as possible.

Best of luck to you and your partner,

SM

HA1 · ‎25-02-2015

Hi

It is so sad that industries where PTSD is very common, there is regretfully also a lot of stigma attached to the illness in those industries. Once in the open, there is a risk that no longer will you be treated as an equal with those that are 'well'. While no one will necessarily look down on the person with PTSD, they will start treating them differently. And that is hard to digest, particularly if you are otherwise a high performer and respected colleague.

Like SM, understand that you are trying to provide the best support possible to your husband. But I agree with SM, respect your husbands wishes and keep it quiet - he may at some stage be ready to reveal it himself. I think he will best understand the ramifications. But on the other hand, it is important for him to be provided with ongoing support from health professionals.

There are many other posters here who suffer from PTSD, so they may be able to provide an alternative perspective.

K

DoIDob · ‎26-02-2015

Many thanks for your advice, I am siding with caution and not saying anything.

I did ask him yesterday evening if he had managed to make a debriefing session and he said he is waiting on a call back, so hopefully there is movment there.

Its just the longer it goes the harder it is for him to function as he just doesn't sleep. He did get sleeping pills from the general GP but he is not taking them. I don't know but I think he really fears being put on medicine and to him the sleeping pills are just a stepping stone in that direction.

Anyways the weekend is near and Ill tackle another convo this weekend.

Thanks again for your reply,

CrashCoyote · ‎27-02-2015

Are you able to say what field he is in? I have it and I was a policeman.

DoIDob · ‎06-03-2015

All is well, Many thanks for eveyones advice

CrashCoyote · ‎06-03-2015

Hi DoiDob,

Nothing short of a miracle, it seems.

If the miracle slips away, we'll still be here. You still have choices.

Kind regards, John.