Depression in my Mum

[YouAreNotAlone1123]

My Mum has bad depression. It's been going on for 20+ years. She has been in and out of mental hospitals and even been through ECT. Medications have had some effect, and ECT did what it was meant to do, but in the end it didn't effect my mum's thought patterns. It affected her mood from being sad to being not sad (i can't say happy) but my mums remains confident that "she will never get better" and she constantly complains about "a heaviness in her head / forehead". She says she doesn't sleep much, but she is sleeping at least 6 hours a night. Every time we try to suggest something, she either doesn't do it (i even tried putting reminders on her phone), or she says that "it's not that easy" "her problem is she can't concentrate so its worthless doing it now" and "we don't understand because we don't have the problem".

I need some help / advice because i seriously have no idea what to do. Tomorrow, she is going back to another mental hospital after all those ECT scans a few months ago at a different hospital. I feel like, my dad tries hard to help, but they both rely too much on medication, and dad gave up telling mum things she can do because she says she can't do it, or doesn't want to do it. After 20 years of this problem, my mum thinks that no doctors can help her and no doctor really understands her. I feel like, i shouldn't get involved because its between my mum and my dad, but at the same time its tearing my family apart and i'm sick of all of this. I am not depressed myself, but i regret that i almost feel like just abandoning my parents to deal with it themselves mostly because i have nothing worthwhile i know how to contribute to make it all better. My father, now 53, is also suffering because he wants to enjoy life, yet my mother doesn't enjoy and doesn't want to do anything. We need to bring her back from this.

[Cornstarch]

i almost feel like just abandoning my parents to deal with it themselves mostly because i have nothing worthwhile i know how to contribute to make it all better.

Oh my goodness.

Sooooo hard.

I completely understand your feelings of powerlessness. For like years and years and years and years and years and years.

It breaks spirits.

I'm a pragmatist when it's been this long. Use her time in hospital to get rest.

20 years........it may not change, it may just go up and down with varying degrees of intensity.

I'd invite you over to hang with me and my siblings but we're Cyb-orgs in Cyber-space.

Good Luck

xxx

[Starwolf]

Hi YouAreNotAlone,

Watching a loved one struggle with mental illness takes a toll, particularly when they're not responding to treatment and are uncooperative. Hopefully, this next hospital stay may bring a breakthrough...as research is always coming up with new medication and treatment methods.

20 years is a long time, a real endurance test for everyone concerned. Burn out easily sets in. You are not to be blamed for having thoughts of opting out.There is nothing wrong with craving the opportunity to look after yourself and take care of your personal needs.

Have you discussed the way the family feels with hospital social workers ? Perhaps longer hospitalization would give you a chance to regroup and replenish drained energy resources... Discussing what respite options are available could be helpful. They exist and are offered to those who can no longer go on without stretching their own limits too far, physically, mentally and emotionally. Another place to inquire would be a Community Resources Center if there is one in your area.

If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you will find useful info in the "Supporting someone" section not forgetting the all important "Looking after yourself" part. Navigating the Carer section of the forums may also be a source of information and support during this difficult journey.

I hope a solution can soon be found, even if it is only a temporary break.

Kindest thoughts.

[Nikkir]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing and reaching out to us, it takes courage and often we can relate so it helps others as well. It really sounds like you have alot to deal with and you can't really control anything but nothing is changing by itself. It must be so frustrating. I do feel for your mum as well, it must be hard to feel that you just don't want to do anything or that nothing will ever change. It sounds like your dad is frustrated as well, he wants to be happy and enjoy life. I can understand in a way as I am a carer to a person with mental health issues and sometimes I find myself just feeling low or unhappy and powerless because I try so hard but the person doesn't see life the way I do and I watch them waste life and I can't make the change for them. My best advice is to stay supported and connected with us and anyone else who is a useful support in your life and to take care of yourself. Self care is very important, try to still get out and about and have your own interests as hard as that can be when you get worn down from home. I think with your mum, you can offer the resources which we have online and others, seeing a professional, proper medication and support groups and also for her to try to connect and do some nice things for herself or both of you together if that feels right. You need to make sure that you get proper rest and some positives in your life so that you are not consumed by this. Please take care and best wishes, thinking of you and your family and write back if you feel you want to connect with us again. xx Nikkir