Close friend in crisis cutting people off who love her deeply

[1dayatatime]

Very recently a friend who is not only someone I consider one of my best friends or at least I thought was, but is parent to a child of mine's best friend has had a lot of bad life events happen one after the other. My friend has a lot of ptsd, and is also ND like myself so I know everything she feels she feels so intensely and deep which is why her and i got one another. Last time she attempted and had a visible breakdown she was hospitalised and i visited daily. This was during a crisis time of leaving psychological and emotionally abusive dv that still impacts her all the time because the ex and his family are all narcissistic that belittle all her efforts. it would be soul crushing knowing they are bad mouthing you in small but significant ways to your children with remarks like " your mother can't do what we can do for you" etc to always do grandiose outings and belittle anything she tries to make special and not about materialistic things to try and teach them to be about more than that.  Anyway this lady has been through so much and homelessness periods, and stress of moving whilst grieving loss of a parent and sunk into her deepest depression yet. A mutual friend who's known her since highschool whom I met through her rang me super concerned so knowing how close they are of course I took it seriously and we both cried and talked about what we wish we could help with but is beyond something we alone can do and her friend decided to call the ambulance for a welfare check in because she disclosed to me she began taking things to cope that were not usual known behaviour because she just wants to stop feeling so much sadness. I don't hate her for this at all let alone think she is bad for this. She began withdrawing isolating herself but is also in extreme burnout just trying to keep a roof over her head, so i had a feeling she wasn't doing well but kept telling myself she's just busy like me with my own family's needs. Anyway due to the mutual telling me and me giving the mutual her location and mutual calling we have both been blocked.  I don't know where to go from here. my heart wants to just rock up and send care packages or text her phone but i feel like she won't care or answer anything. i tried to message her sister to check in because i'm so stressed about the whole experience and am having ptsd flashbacks to losing my best friend to self harm in 2010. I'm trying to not think the worst but are we bad friends for calling help?

[indigo22]

Hello 1dayatatime,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

You are definitely not bad friends for calling for help for someone you care deeply about. It's always hard to know what is the best decision in a situation like that and I can understand your concern for your friend. From what you have said, there is good reason for your concern. Your friend sounds like she is in a deep hole at the moment and would not be thinking clearly so try not to take the reaction personally.

I have been in one of those deep holes myself and we do tend to push people away, mostly because we are not thinking clearly, but also because we lack self worth. If we don't feel we have any worth to ourselves, it's hard to imagine we have any worth to anyone else.

It will take some time but follow your heart in how you and your mutual handle this. Perhaps try visiting, not every day, but often enough to keep an eye on your friend. If you get no answer, don't give up. The fact that you are making an attempt to connect will eventually sink in and you should get an answer eventually. At the same time, do not neglect yourselves, make sure you both have support for the mental and emotional issues you are dealing with in connection with your friend.

I hope this helps a little,

indigo