Hi Tracy
Putting up barrier for self protection is a common need of ours. We do it with social media like Facebook to protect ourselves from trolls or friends that say something unexpected and hurtful. We do it with people in the street especially those that don't understand out condition (i.e. Depressed? what are you sad about). We spend a lot of personal time minding what we say at gatherings like BBQ's because we often put foot in mouth. And so on.
Protecting yourself from your sons own struggles is somewhat different but requires IMO similar approach. Broadly I suggest a heart to heart with him is required.
He is an adult now and should, regardless that you are his mum , should be able to reach out to others for their problems to at least understand there is another person with just as important issues. What I mean is that a heart to heart, telling him that you want to be there for him means in doing so, you have been putting your own needs on the backburner. That isn't sustainable. You need him to, you need him to at least listen and co support.
My wife has depression and I have a different depression, bipolar 2 and dysthymia. I also had anxiety for 25 years and licked that. To find out how I licked anxiety google this "Topic: words of wisdom, it helped me for 25 years- maharaji- beyondblue" and "Topic: Success!!! 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment -beyondblue" So we have to balance our relationship. I help her when she is down and visa versa. The only problem is, when we are both down. seems we depend on each other so much when we need the other person emotionally and they aren't capable we clash but only for a short time because we have an agreement that if that happens we speak up straight away and immediately accept the situation, make a cuppa and chat in a different light. Faith is needed in that scenario.
So tap into your son to help him build some basic protection barriers. "Can I chat to you mum about a work issue that happened today"? Rather than "guess what happened at work today...blah blah" dump on mum because she can always take it...
I hope I haven't placed your son in a bad light. The opposite can happen too because with mental issues especially anxiety, we are so engrossed in our own issues we tend to allow the world to wait until we express our own issues first.
A final thread worth reading is "Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue"
Many threads here on this site. Glad you posted.
Tony WK
