Borderline Personality Disorder

Happygal · ‎02-01-2015

I am concerned that my husband has this disorder and want to approach him about it so i can get him help. I am not sure how to do this and worried he will get angry and not accept it. I have also been suffering from depression myself, caused a lot from losing my job. We have financial strain as well, and have been arguing about money. He has a lot of the symptoms and he is quite hard for me to deal with a lot. and of course im not well myself so i am not coping well either. i really want to try and get through this together. things have been hard lately, stressful for both of us and i want to find happiness together again. Anyone with advise for me would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.

Neil_1 · ‎03-01-2015

Hi there Happygal

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

This is a tricky situation, especially if your husband is not of the opinion that there is something wrong.

Does he know about your depression? And if so, does he accept it and acknowledge it? I ask this, because (a) a lot of partners, friends, family, etc don't understand or acknowledge it and if that's the case then an approach to him about a possible issue with him may not work so well; (b) if he is aware, etc, then a possible approach might be greeted a bit better. But again, tricky situation.

Does he have any close friends, siblings who he gets along with? A mate where they might get together for chats or a beer, etc?? This "could" be another possible approach for you to take, where they may be able to raise it - just as a concerned friend, that they have noticed a bit of a strain - so it's them bringing it up and not that you went to them.

I guess the other thought I have is to gently see if he would be able to go to the doctor's with you - as a couple kind of arrangement and maybe the doctor could (on your behalf) mention some things in a roundabout way, so he doesn't twig that the real purpose of the visit is to get him diagnosed.

Happygal, I've given a few options there, but you may have already thought of those yourself - but if not, I hope that there's something that might be useful to you.

I would really like to hear back from you on this.

Neil

white knight · ‎03-01-2015

Hi happygal, welcome

Neil is right (again)- a tricky situation and getting him to a doctor would be a challenge but the right move.

A recent thread called "new member -brother has personality disorder" is a good one to read. Use search to find it.

BPD sufferers have a track record in general for not seeking treatment and when they finally do, they dont last long doing it. Their denial is inground.

Good luck and I, like Neil, would love to know the outcome. It helps us hone our knowledge in helping others.

Tony WK

Happygal · ‎05-01-2015

Thank you Neil. He does know about my depression and does acknowledge it and sometimes is a help with me for it. I have spoken to his sister about it, and she is going to have a talk to him in two weeks when we visit her, but she does not live close by and he may be aware that she knows too much and i put her onto it. She is unfortunately suffering from cancer herself, and she said she was going to use the sympathy approach, saying she doesn't want him to be sick like her. i spoke to my doctor about it today, she was very concerned, especially with me suffering from depression. She also mentioned going about it in a roundabout way, mentioning the symptoms and my concern but not saying the disorder yet. I was going to actually bring up the disorder after we go away if i am still having a lot of trouble with him, to try and see if he will get help. i have also upped my own medication and i am going to have counseling again, especially as a way to help me deal with him. Thankyou so much.

Happygal · ‎05-01-2015

Hi Tony, thanks so much. I have been struggling a lot with dealing with him. I did have a talk to him recently advising him of the things i have noticed about him and my concern but not actually giving him a name. His sister is also going to have a talk to him in two weeks and after that i had thought to talk to him and mention it and try and get him treatment if possible. It will be hard as it is always hard to get him to go to the doc, and this will be even harder. For now i am going to have counseling again, if anything to at least help me deal with him. Thank you once again. I will also look up the other post.

Neil_1 · ‎06-01-2015

Hi there Happygal

Thank you so much for your latest couple of responses.

The counselling option sounds very good - (a) for yourself and your own well-being [super important], but also (b) that as you have intimated, with a very big hope that they may be able to provide you with some different kinds of strategies to assist and work with your husband.

The sister situation as you say, could be a bit tricky, if she & he haven't been all that much in touch with each other recently; as you say, if she reveals a bit too much, he's going to get a good idea for where the information came from. But it very good to hear that she is receptive to this approach.

So I guess in the meantime, you've recently upped your meds, which I hope kick in for you pretty soon - it shouldn't take too long, as you're already taking them, so they're already in your system, so an increase will have a much quicker effect, as opposed to commencing on meds for the first time. (Whoops, very long sentence that one).

And I do hope the counselling appointment(s) provide you with some benefit also.

Also, we're here on this site as regular contributors - just fellow sufferers - so please feel free to keep on posting.

Kind regards

Neil