struggling

[Mr_Cam]

Hi, My wife has posted on here with the issues we have been having.She is known as Mrs C She was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in July last year.she had several attempts of self harm in November, the first time she called me about and I rushed home from work.She had made her own appointments to see her doctors. After a few hiccups we ended up drive to the city which is a 15hr drive. After talking to people on line and in person I have found out she wasn't treated with the respect she deserved.

I did everything I could to keep her where she could get help, but after her treatment she is scared to get help. We have been to her GP numerous times which is at least a 1-2 week wait. we have a plan of picking a doctor in the city and start again.

She is worried what if they say the same thing and worse laugh at her. I don't know what to say but I will go with her.I wanted to get her help before xmas but she didn't want to as her parents were driving across the country to see us.Her self esteem is very low

I am finding it hard to concentrate at work. I feel I am not being really productive, but I cant stay at home, she thinks I dont trust her. She has started talking about getting revenge on people that has

hurt her (this is not her) and wants to go somewhere that none knows her. I guess this is better than wanting to die.

I am not good at this stuff, 

Any advice would be great thanks

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[Neil_1]

 Hi there Mr C

  Thank you so much for coming to Beyond Blue and providing this post – I have responded to Mrs C a number of times and I’m very pleased that you’ve been able to come here and seek out advice for her.   As I’ve mentioned to her in the past, you seem to be a very supportive husband and this really does acknowledge my previous comments to her.

 The treatment that she received when in, I believe it was a centre in Perth, was nigh on deplorable.  She did mention that you may have been following this up, because this sort of thing should never go on anywhere, let alone in a place that is supposedly set up for support and assistance.  It irked me just reading it, so I can’t imagine how badly it must have affected the two of you.

 Now, I’m guessing that it was your current GP that recommended that place?   Obviously you’d never go back there again, BUT, with your GP, do you feel they are providing a good service to your wife??  If so, then keep going, but 100% tell them about that horrible experience she received last year.  If you think a new GP might help (but that might not be so good, as this GP would have all the history, etc);  but just thought I’d mention that on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of available GP’s that can be searched for.  These GP’s are all very experienced in dealing with mental health issues and as such, would be best placed to provide the best possible referral onwards for your wife – be it to a centre, or a psychologist, psychiatrist?    And possible medications;  or if she’s already on them, then a possible review of those.

 I guess another big issue for you though is the distance you’d need to travel to get to the city in question – which could offer its own problems.

Is there no-one nearby who could potentially pop in for a chat, a cup of tea, etc on a semi-regular basis??  A friend, relative?

And getting her mind occupied – that is the other thing to consider;  but how?  She’s probably in the kind of mind-frame that won’t allow her to indulge in any of her favourite hobbies or past-times?   Any physical activity, would that be a possibility?   Being active is a huge positive and boost to one’s health – not only physically, but mentally also.

Mr C, I think I’m running out of characters, so I’ll send this off now, and I really hope to hear back from you on this. 

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Mr. C, how brave you are for contacting us, this makes you a wonderful person, and we know what has happened to Mrs. C, and I am just so pleased that my very good friend Neil has responded back to you, and your concern for her is gratefully acknowledged and admired.

We know how hard this has been not only for Mrs. C but also you for you, and we acknowledge the fact about her parents visiting the both of you, which she s so stressed over, but sometimes the parents live in their own world, and can not accept how their kids feel, whether they are young or whether they are adults, they can't relate the current world, and can't accept the changes in life, they only live in their world.

To have to drive 15 hrs is ridiculous, because the tears, the doubt, the apprehension, the questions and the worry for all that time will not be any help for someone with depression, self harm, and thinking that 'it will be just the same as usual', is a long way to travel, far too long and beneficial for either of you.

My friend Neil has suggested to try and find a doctor as well as a psych from BB and you can please have check this out by clicking 'Get Support' at the top of this page, I know that it's extra work but the results maybe the link that that helps you.

I can't thank you enough for coming to us, because over the past we were able to help Mrs. C and we still do, and now we will try and help you as much as we can, because everyone is just so important to us all.

We may not be able to find a solution now, but as time progresses there will be something that will be the answer.

I can't thank you for contacting us, it means the world to us. Geoff.

[Mr_Cam]

Thankyou for replying,  As of GP's go I think she has a good one. She has stopped taking her bipolar meds just before christmas. this had bought her mood up instantly. She did this on her own back, and it worked for a while.When we went back to the GP ,he told we will watch and see how we go. Which I thought was good. I have also been talking to an Ozhelp counselor, she has been great.

We have had an argument tonight, she had gastric sleeve surgery two years ago ,when she is down she lives on junk food. She has been angry at me all dayt. I used to be able to read her diary where she wrote what was feeling, and it scared the life out of me. I know if she really wants to she will find away.  I just feel If she succeeds  I have failed.

I want to try to get her to go to a psychologist, which she might already been seeing on that she trusts. So if she is a psychologist. all we need is to organize a longer meeting so mrs c can get into the details.. she has had a rough time from day 1.  Her family although love her have not been supportive.

My dad suffered  depression when I was younger, he  didn't  get out of bed for months I thought he was just lazy back then.Mrs c told me that she struggles to get out of bed every day.

I must say thank you for just being there. 

As much of a pain her parents can be ,it was nice for someone else to be looking out for her. 

.

[Mr_Cam]

She is really angry at me for saying in the heat of the moment" you might need to find somewhere else to live." I have said this twice in the past month. 

As soon as I found out what she had achieved yesterday I sent her a text saying she didn't have to leave. She is sleeping on the couch at the moment. She has tried to open the filing cabinet to the point of damaging it. I'm not angry because I know its not her.

I know I was wrong for saying it but yet after another sleepless night, I think this is all catching up with me. 

I also know she is trying to get better. She has now read my posts on here, and this may have made her more angry, I don't know. 

I feel like everything I do or say is wrong. I just wish I can get her to see anyone that can help her.

thanks for listening

[Neil_1]

1.           Hi Mr C

Thank you for your latest response back.

It is very concerning to hear about what your wife is up too in regard to knives and possible poisons.  I’m guessing you’ve raised this with her?

Has your Ozhelp counsellor been able to give you constructive advice that has helped the situation at all?

Again, it concerns me greatly that your wife is in such a bad state and yet the GP has come back with a watch and see kind of approach.  Although you did mention that you felt this was good;   with all the things that you’ve been mentioning as well as your wife has done here as well, my approach/thought/suggestion here would be to act now and see the results of that afterward.  Act now meaning put in a new plan of seeking out an alternative psychologist and sooner rather than later.

I’m also a little confused with regard to the psychologist situation – as in, if it’s the one she saw at the clinic, I would be travelling in the opposite direction instead of seeing that person again.  I think she needs to seek out a new person.

You mentioned that when your wife went off the meds her mood improved.  Is that still the case or do you think she was in a better way when she was taking her medication?
Just in regard to the argument, has that kind of been sorted out and smoothed over?   I only ask as you (a) raised it and (b) realising the bad place that your wife is in at the moment, that having something like that happen, it can have adverse effects on BOTH of you.   So with that, I’m just asking if you’re doing ok?

Would love to hear back from you on this.
Kind regards
Neil                   

[Neil_1]

Hi Mr C

I don't know what happened to my latest post with the formatting, it's a bit off, but not enough for you to not understand - well, I hope so anyway.

I also sent that and have just seen your latest.

I realise that you both want the same thing - for your wife to get better;  and that the frustration in the household is generated from this illness that has got hold of her.  It's causing tension and friction between the two of you - and it's so important for you to both know that it isn't your wife that's wanting to be like this;  the tough times and thoughts and feelings are all generated by this crippling disease.  As a result with two people being together (husband and wife) it can still have a bad effect - and it's the exact opposite of what you both want.  I hope I've explained that well enough to say, that any friction and fighting would not be happening at all if this illness wasn't there.

I would honestly be surprised if she became angry at you for posting here - as you clearly came here to try to find alternative sorts of help and support.  Because you love your wife and want her to get better.  When I saw your post the first time, it filled me with a wonderful sense of the love and affection that you have for her;  because you see her battling every day and as things are not seemingly getting any better, you went seeking other help.  Then in so doing if you were to find some kind of different advice, you could try to implement that;  because of the love and high regard you hold for your wife.  You just want her to get better.  I fully understand that and think it's awesome.

Perhaps it might be a time, a bit later on today to sit down and let her read your posts AND the responses and to let her know it's because of her that you're doing this and you want to support her all the way through this.

Stay with us here Mr C, if you feel it's the right thing to do - we'll be here to try and support in any way we can.

But in the meantime, I'd be trying to source out alternative professional help, if that's an option.

Kind regards

Neil

[white knight]

Hi Mr C

I just thought I'd chip in here to a very limited degree. I've noted you ahve had assitance from my loving friends Neil and Geoff.

I have bipolar type 2, dysthymia (another type of depression), and depression. My wife has depression.

After trying numerous medications I'm now on a low amount of antidepressant (10mgm) and a high level of mood stabilizers. Thats it.

My wife and I acknowledge, after several years now of trials, that we are like living on the edge of  a whirlpool. Holding hands. Where it's reasonably stable.

When any one of a number of things happen to us we can slip into the current and get sucked around and down into turmoil. So what are those things?

Stopping medication.

Grief

Nasty people's effect on us (mainly me)

Social media.

While we both take our medication there are often moments when either of us feels we dont need them. We sometimes want to stop taking them for various reasons eg weight gain, tiredness.  But we know after many times trying to do this and with us falling into turmoil, short fuses, anger and sadness....we will NEVER STOP TAKING OUR MEDICATION EVER AGAIN.

Like our wedding vows, this is our vow also because as much as we love each other we know that stopping the meds could easily destroy us.

For the last few years things have stabilised with few upsets and bouts of sadness. To the point whereby I'm here often giving advice to others daily. A big difference.

I hope this helps.

Tony WK

[Mr_Cam]

Hi , since going off her bipolar meds her mood has lifted . We had a good chat last night, she told me her concerns, I have some work to do, where I have been going wrong. with some help I think we will get there. thank you everyone.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Mr C

Thanx heaps for this latest post.  I’m really pleased that you’ve sat down and had a good chat and that Mrs C has been able to express her concerns to you.   It can make a huge difference to know just how things are and resulting from that, it can give you a better sense for what things you may be able to do, in order to help out.

Now, you know we are always here, so at any time if you (or Mrs C) wish to come back and post again, please do so.

I really do wish the best for both of you and that in the coming days, weeks and months, things hopefully “may” just turn towards the positives.  But as you rightly say, there’s still plenty of work to do.

Kind regards

Neil