Bipolar hubby left... Im lost

Jonesy · ‎15-03-2014

Hi,

This is the first time I have ever posted on here but im desperate. me and my hubby had been together for nearly 8 years we had our ups and downs like any couple, he is bipolar was diagnosed when he was young so had it most of his life and before I met him. He was always pretty stable always took his meds and I have no reason to believe his not now. Our marriage has endured alot of stress, I became depressed which probably set him off and I now think he is having a big depressive episode.

About 3 weeks ago he said he needed to get away have time to himself and that I would be better off without him, im not. a week later he said he was leaving me, but wouldnt really discuss or go into details, I want to fix our marriage and go to counselling which he agreed on and I hope he does come with me, but he said he doesnt want to fix it, his not living here although he hasnt moved anything out. He just left I am stuck with all responsibilities we dont have kids. this is out of character for him, he wont have any contact with me and i'll admitt I tried in the first couple weeks which probably made me look sad and desperate. I dont know what to do and all I want is to have him back home. I think he is all over the place and not seeing things clearly, its tearing me apart.

Is there a chance he will come back is there a way I can reassure him im here for him, I am working on myself and becoming stronger so I can be there for him, but I dont know if he believes me. and I cant talk to him or see him anyway. he has pushed me away, his family wont talk to me either. his so stubbon, i hate not being able to contact him or see him and he wont contact me.

Thanks for any help or advice

JessF · ‎17-03-2014

Hello Jonesy, one of the things that comes to mind when we are depressed sometimes is the terrible thought that others near and dear to us will be 'better off without us'. This may be what your husband is thinking because he is going into a depressed mood himself, or it may be that your relationship has taken some knocks recently and he is burnt out. It is hard to say. I think for your own wellbeing that you have to hope for the best but expect the worst. When you say you can't contact him, is it possible for you to get him a letter or an email? This will allow you to get your thoughts down, but at the same time allow you to move forward seeing as you are being stonewalled by him and his family. You can't be left sitting around... when you mention responsibilities, are you talking about financial ones? If he is supposed to be paying half your rent or mortgage then he can't expect you to be left carrying the can, regardless of whether or not you stay together.

Jonesy · ‎18-03-2014

Yep, all financial responsibilities were left to me, he came to counselling with me and said he felt it was over.... but then also agreed to more counselling sessions, that just confuses me and gives me hope, he is assuring me he is not going through a depressive episode.

Our marriage had taken a few knocks, we had alot of stress, I became depressed and he couldnt deal with, but I was struggling as well. I still find it hard to believe he is willing to just walk away. he says his happier away from me, but thats usually the case when things are bad but doesnt mean it will stay that way, I feel like his associating me with bad moods etc rather than seeing the once happy girl that I can be, I am seeing a counsellor for myself.

I guess I just have to wait it out and maybe sometime we can start hanging out and he will see things will change for good and maybe have thise feelings he used to for me.

I am able to contact him through msg email etc....he just wont respond.

Thanks

Salsal · ‎18-11-2017

My partner also has bipolar diagnosis but resists treatment. He has done two big walkouts leaving me in shock and alone. I am alone now. He also says. I'm 'better off without me'. The pain I feel from his behaviour is sometimes unbearable.

I cope by reminding myself that it is his illness talking (and making him so unkind) not the man I love.

He won't communicate and it breaks my heart. But I still have hope.

Salsal