Adult children with anxiety and gender issues

[Jetrd]

Hi, we have a child (early 20's) living with us who has withdrawn from society and is not working and has very limited friends. We have looked at all the government help and even private but now there is a wall up between us that stops all........all conversations. We are struggling with direction on any level. It seams any conversation will end up as a fight and we need help.

[geoff]

Hello Jetrd, and a warm welcome to the forum.

I understand that you're not able to get the answers you're looking for, so perhaps you could tell us what sort of help you have been searching for, this will tell us where we can help you.

Geoff.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Jetrd

It's hard when someone cuts off communication. Has your child been to a GP and been diagnosed with anxiety, or had support for the gender issues? I'm not sure where you are up to in the process. There are some good GPS out there who are trained in both these areas, but you need to pick carefully.

Have you heard of the Gender Centre? That might be a good place to check out and see if it can offer some support to your beautiful child, or yourself.

I have a dear relative who is transgender and its a path that is much smoother with family help, so while you probably feel helpless, it's still a blessing that you are there and willing to be patient and open to discussion.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jetrd,

Just wondering if you can communicate with your child electronically?

Sometimes my depression is not at all pleasant and I withdraw. I then find it easier to communicate with my husband via text messages and emails even though we are in the same house.

Could you forward your child information on mental health so they have a greater understanding of what they are experiencing?

Maybe print out some questionaries on mental health/depression so the child can fill them in and consider how they are feeling.

Does this child have a sibling or other relative they relate to?

rite out a card telling them how much you love and care for them and slip it under their door.

Not sure what else to suggest here!

Cheers from Dools

[stormcloudz]

Dools, that's interesting about the texting, and helpful to those of us who might be on the other side of the depression 'wall'. Why is it easier to communicate via text/email?

[Jetrd]

This has been a ten year process which has involved counselling doctors psychologist and specialists with gender support. For some reason all help offered recently seams to be looked at in a negative way and now the communication has virtually stopped. Compared to the limited friends we have been very open and supportive with the name change and anything else that goes with this but the reclusive behavior stuck on the internet with little or no contact with the outside world is getting hard to deal with. We are finding the way this is being viewed in America is having a strong influence on us here and now believes everyone is against them. (not actually the case) . We think the comfort zone of the house and bedroom is being protected now with anything that stops going out, except a doctors visit to get the T injections. Our living situation is very uncomfortable with any discussion at all ending when it is not going in their favor with a walk out and never to be bought up again.

Any advice that can help us (we are in SA) would be very helpful.

[Just Sara]

Hey Jet and welcome to our caring community;

I'm wondering whether this behaviour has been slowly increasing or was a noticeable change overnight so to speak. If something occurred which contributed to this change, it might be wise to inform the psych who's dealing with them. This way they can try to open up communication with more insight.

Is it ok if you use a gender specific term like he or she? Whatever's comfortable for you. It just makes communicating with you a bit easier on my end that's all. It may even produce ideas in readers/posters too.

Responses above have been really great. You've come to the right place! 🙂

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Doolhof]

Hi Stormcloudz and All,

Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn't listen to me, so texting or emailing means at least he has read what I want to communicate to him.

When a situation feels overwhelming, writing something down is easier for me than to try and talk it out.

As a child my parents yelled a lot, so trying to share how I was feeling was lost in the shouting, so I didn't communicate in the end.

When I am crying, I can still write.

This is just a suggestion, it might work for some and not for others.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Jetrd,

It certainly does sound like you are in a difficult situation. It is very difficult to try and communicate with someone who is struggling to do so for what ever reason.

Is it possible to impose a bedroom free hour each day where your child has to come and be with the family. It might be that you have no communication at all, agree on some terms. Maybe just being together might help in some way.

Can you expand on the time away from home while your child is having the injections at the Dr? Suggest a drive, going tot he movies, a walk on the beach if you are near one. Maybe this will be hard to implement, I am not sure what you have tried already.

All the best from Dools

[stormcloudz]

Yikes, I wrote you such a long post and I think I just lost it. I'll wait a bit and try again.