Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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being there for someone who pushes you away

replies: 9

I have been in a relationship with a guy on and off for the past 7 months. He has anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. When hes not stressing he's the sweetest,most caring guy in the world. We are very compatible. However, once he starts getting anxious he totally changes and tries to push me away. I want to be there for him but he constantly rejects me. we've gone through this cycle twice in the past 7 months. Right now I haven't seen him in a month and a half because he just sits at home. I don't want to give up on him but he tells me that he cant be a boyfriend when he's like this. What do I do?

Helping Someone with Anxiety

replies: 7

Hello Everyone, I am not sure if I am posting in the right area, apologies if not. I guess I have a question for the community. I have a friend who suffers from anxiety quite severely. The trouble is, he seldom opens up about it. Whenever I try to discuss it, he won't, he tends to clam up and not want to talk about it. I want to reach out, but sometimes it is hard because I get shut down almost immediately. I wish there was something I could do, because I know he is suffering, but he is doing it all alone. Not even his family knows he has anxiety. He will go through phases where he feels happy and not anxious, and this feels great because we have a fantastic friendship. But naturally, the anxiety comes back, and he becomes reclusive, and can sometimes be quite irritable and nasty, which makes it hard to come near him. I just want to give him a hug but I am scared he will push me away. Sometimes he will hint that he is anxious about something, and I try to talk to him about it, but he immediately 'shuts the door' and clams back up. There are numerous posts about self-help for anxiety, but I find that there are few posts about helping people to help others cope with anxiety. So my question to the community is- how do I act or behave around someone who has anxiety? How can I make someone with anxiety feel better? Am I ok to bring it up often, so that maybe slowly he will become more accustomed to talking about it, and it won't seem so taboo? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to help. I know I can't cure him, I just want to make his life easier.

Anxiety in my 7 year old

replies: 3

Hi all, I've been having a really struggling with my daughters anxiety. It has become particularly bad in the last week. She is seeing every thing in such a negative light and has recently started to not eat. She complains of a sore tummy but we have tried to explain that it is her worries. She just can't seem to find joy in anything anymore and has lost interest in some of her favourite activities. She will be seeing a school psychologist but i'm lost with what to do at home.

Please help my daughter had just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder

replies: 3

I have a 22 year old daughter. She lived in Melbourne and is in a mental health facility at the moment after years of depression and self harm issues. She has just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder which I have never heard of before. I know that Dbt helps but I also know it is. Dry expensive and lengthy process. Does anyone know of cost friendly forms of support or advice we can seek for her? Desperate thanks

Strategies needed in supporting an anxious and possibly depressed teenage son.

replies: 8

Hello, Hope someone can help me with some guidance regarding my current situation. My 19yo son has been seeing a youth worker/Counsellor at Headspace for a couple of months now and is making slow progress for his issues of anxiety, loneliness and depression. However, he has obtained a care plan from our GP and is about to start seeing a psychologist (outside of Headspace). In finding this out, his Headspace Counsellor advised him that once he starts seeing the psychologist, there will be no need to continue at Headspace. She advised him just as she was about to start a process with him called ‘mindfulness’. My son has taken this literally and now believes if this is the case, she doesn’t want to work with him anymore and all previous sessions have been a waste of time. i would have assumed that he could continue going to both if they were both being of benefit. Can anyone please provide some guidance and/or advice regarding this. Many thanks in advance.

Is it all my fault?!

replies: 2

Is it all my fault? Am I the one making my parter worse. Is it me that’s hindering his treatment to ice addiction? I keep doing everything I can to help. And he wants to get better but it’s so hard for him and I keep coming to a cross road and just t... View more

Girlfriend with depression and I broke up

replies: 5

We are long distance and broke up during finals, the day after her major stat exam at 2am. Around this time, she was extremely stressed, busy, tired and depressed. For almost a month she'd been feeling "numb" and like everything was "numbed out". She'd apologise a lot for being irritable and unpleasant. Before this, she said she couldn't feel love for me because she couldn't feel anything and felt sad because of it (I guess she could feel emotions sometimes). She has a history of depression, as do I. We were both bedridden for 3 months because of depression and have both taken SSRIs. Since the breakup she has been acting somewhat erratic and strange, but is even more distant than she was while we were together. I want to be there for her as a friend but every time we talk she just gets angrier. She hasn't blocked me on Facebook Messenger but made a new twitter account, blocked me after a few days despite not interacting at all, and then made several "joke" depressive tweets (hating herself, having low motivation/joy, changing her mind a lot(?), being unhappy). She jokes about her problems as a coping mechanism, aside from that she just doesn't talk about them. I tried telling her to get help for her depression but she refused. It has been just over 3 weeks and we talked maybe 5 times, 4 of those times I initiated the conversation. Last we talked, she unblocked me on twitter despite being mad and deleted all her sad tweets (will likely use her private account now). When we were together, she said her state of mind changes every few months and she was in a very good state of mind when I met her. She said she used to be "genuinely crazy" because she was very depressed and acting dumb because of it. Before the breakup she also said she'd been in a weird/bad mood for a while and didn't have much to say. When I was very depressed and anxious, she was supportive of me, and I want to be there for her but she won't let me. We bickered a lot over pointless things (my fault, anxiety) leading up to the breakup. I don't think I want her back but I want to reconcile things. I just don't know what to do, I'm worried about her. I don't want to talk for at least a month at the moment because she treats me poorly, but I want to be there for her. I'm really confused because this whole scenario is so strange.

Delusions of Grandeur

replies: 24

Hi. I have an older brother who has been working on an educational project for more than 26 years. In that time, he constantly brags that it is the best project out, that it will be accredited nationally, and according to him, that will force all State agencies to use it to educate teens in their driving skills. He has lost respect and all support from the other siblings (I come from a large family) who are sick and tired of his ranting and raving and demanding that they believe that one day he will make millions of dollars from this course being implemented. He went quiet for 10 years and only a week before Christmas, surfaced again with the same story. I have persisted in trying to support him and somehow bring him to see reality, and guide him in his quest to re-establish relationships with his siblings. Unfortunately the feedback I have from the other siblings is that I should give up as he has not learnt or progressed with his quest, nor with his grip or lack of grip on reality. What I find sad is he is 65, has a wife who has just discovered she has serious health issues, and yet he persists with the same story and behaviour. Two of my other older brothers have tried gently to tell him, he should be pleased to have developed the project and got it accredited (if in fact he has) and now move on to support his wife, his elderly mother in law, and focus more on rebuilding positive relationships with his family while he has the chance. I have taken to monitoring the phone and only accepting one call a week, as he rings every other day where he repeats the same story over and over. I am not sure what else I can do, as he wont here anything about seeing a counsellor, and denies he has a problem. Any suggestions? I dont want to abandon him like the rest of my siblings, but it is getting increasingly hard to do anything else with this issue

Hi There - Father with Concerns Around Daughters Health

replies: 1

Hi, let me introduce myself. My Nick name is jimby1. One of my daughters aged 41 has been suffering depression and anxiety for a number of years now. To date, she considers that the "System" has let her down. In the past she has had some significant "wins", however over the past 12 months she has been in and out of hospital, with no "wins" what so ever. I am hoping to get some substantial benefit and feedback from these forums. Thank you for caring.

How to support married son with severe depression when his wife seems to make situation worse

replies: 16

MY DIL rang today to report that my son has left work due to MI. She is going away for 12 days & needs us to watch out for my son & to step in to prevent DHS removing their children if he gets worse. My son has a history of depression. I spent a lot of time supporting him when he was single & eventually got him back on track. Not working has made his MI worse. Working really helps him manage his depression. My DIL has no financial sense & this has led to them getting into debt, being forced to move house & being unable to afford essentials such as rent. Financial stress has had a bad impact on my son's MI. They need to move in a couple of weeks & I believe they are currently in severe financial difficulties. His wife refuses to listen to advice & likes to control everything. She is constantly bossing my son around & puts him down continually. Because of his MI he doesn't have the strength to stand up to her & gives in to her demands She is leaving for a 12 day cruise even though they can't afford it. My son is expected to be available to look after their children so is unable to work. I'm unsure how to support him at this time. Im worried about tipping myself over the edge trying to cope. I also care for my husband who is blind & has a degenerative condition.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

being there for someone who pushes you away replies: 9

Helping Someone with Anxiety replies: 7

Anxiety in my 7 year old replies: 3

Please help my daughter had just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder replies: 3

Strategies needed in supporting an anxious and possibly depressed teenage son. replies: 8

Is it all my fault?! replies: 2

Girlfriend with depression and I broke up replies: 5

Delusions of Grandeur replies: 24

Hi There - Father with Concerns Around Daughters Health replies: 1

How to support married son with severe depression when his wife seems to make situation worse replies: 16