Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Has anyone spent anytime with their partner at a retreat for some time out

replies: 1

Wondering if anyone has taken some time out to face their marriage problems head on and the associated depression and alcoholism that is possibly the cause... my beautiful neighbours are about to call it quits and I would love to see them go somewhere with no kids or distractions for maybe 2 weeks together where they can get some daily professional help to see if they can get through this and if not how to go about dissolving it in the most amicable way possible for the whole family - it’s so sad to watch and they r both at their wits end - any advice on retreats in nsw or interstate would be great Thanks

help to stop the constant worry about a loved one with mental illness

replies: 12

Hi everyone I am writing here as I am struggling, unsure how to help, constantly worrying about things I cannot change and stressing about things that may never eventuate. Long story short my husband about 10 years ago was diagnosed with depression / bi polar disorder / ptsd as a result of a traumatic event in his chIldhood. At that time life sucked he used alcohol as his courage it was the turning point that was needed and we were able to get him the help he needed and he overcame the thoughts. Even to a point where he stopped taking his medication and was happy and relaxed. however, only this past week I have noticed changes in him and we spoke about it. He told me that for the past 8 months or so he has felt himself going down & he has began to have flashbacks again. He is having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep, as his mind is in overdrive. He says he can be having a really good day and then bang! A reminder.. I truly thought 10 years ago we would never have to go through this again - how wrong I was, perhaps this is only just the beginning or it may be the peak and it will level out - who knows I guess only time will tell. He is currently working and he has acknowedged that work is good for him and it keeps his mind busy (which is a relief for me as last time he wasn't working) in addition he is sober and is staying that way - he knows what happens if he turns back to alcohol. I begged him numerous times to promise me he would not drink again- he has promised me- he is surviving on energy drinks so that I can handle. Although he and I are discussing his feelings, I still can't get it off my mind, I feel physically sick with worry and have not eaten in 3 days. I am waking in the middle of the night worrying about what to do. The part that worries me the most is if he did drink - I know how hard it was last time- me taking off in the middle of the night with the 2 kids in tow, not because I was scared of him but because I didn't want the kids to see what he was doing. Our kids are older now, and it won't be as easy for me to hide what is happening from them -in saying this though he knows the effect of drinking so I am confident he won't. I think I just need someone to talk to, but I'm not ready to tell my family yet. I hope this forum will be a chance for me to express myself whilst getting support and advise from others in the same situation. Thanks

Depressed husband thinking of ending relationship

replies: 3

One day l am the most wonderful supportive wife, the next day I'm the cause of his pain and complete misery. We go through this cycle of a low period, which something will then trigger off some anger/aggression along with some irrational behaviour and paranoid thought patterns. Then crash! a few days of sobing crying needing to talk through all the reasons he doesn't feel loved, trying work it out and rationalize why he can't stop crying. During this time he usually wont leave me alone followed by telling me to please leave as lm killing him. We have tried different medication, two psychologist, psychiatrist and our GP but it is getting worse. l dont know how to help him any more.

Friend with PTSD

replies: 9

Thank you to all that have posted before, each is enlightening, sometimes sad, sometimes a story of spirit or courage.. but your stories are helpful for me to try and understand PTSD. I have a newish friend with PTSD and I am trying to understand it so that I can be a good friend for her. I know every experience is going to be different and every person is different but what can i do for her or what should i keep in mind? Lately I have felt confused with what she wants from me, how she wants me to treat her. She is changing her mind constantly on what she wants to do, what she wants me to do for her and about what upsets her. The last time we talked she said to me you have to come and get me to go to dancing lesson I really like it and it is good for me. I asked her that if I did do that would she actually do it given she had said the same to me about other things and then says no and to leave her alone. How she likes me to contact her keeps changing. And recently she said i offended her when i laughed at something that is causing her anxiety but I pointed out that she was laughing about it too and that I thought this was a way she liked get some of this stuff off her chest. She also swings between whether she wants a reality check friend or someone that just sits and listens. I want to be a friend she can rely on and trust. Please help me understand PTSD and help me put together a tool box so that I can be that. In appreciation Sally and the last time we talked I said that to her and as she was at that time getting offended by the way I was reacting to something she said, I was laughing but so was she and we had laughed about this topic before. She mentioned other things that were pissing her off and I said but this is the first time you have mentioned this, you actually told me that this is what you wanted (that she was not a morning person

16 Year Old Sister BPD

replies: 2

I’m 21, and my 16 year old sister started smoking weed about a year and half ago. Looking back on it now, I can basically pinpoint when her personality began to change. I (and my family and her mental health professionals) believe that the drug use triggered Borderline Personality Disorder (yes she cannot be diagnosed until 18 but all her psychiatrists are saying this). My sister went from being kind and sweet, to robbing service stations, doing all sorts of heavy drugs, having a lot of sex, shoplifting and getting into punch-ups in the city. She is currently dating a 19 year old boy who has been in and out of jail, most recently for armed assault. I am having a lot of trouble trying to come to terms with this new person my sister is, and as much as I can acknowledge her mental disorder I cannot forgive her or move past the crimes she has committed. I miss my little sister and I also miss having a support system in my mother, who understandably has no time for me anymore. Does anyone have any coping tips they can give me because I am really struggling and feeling very down about my family situation lately.

Partner depression

replies: 1

Hi My partner suffers from depression. He also.drinks and smokes pot. He has become lately very hard to deal with and it is affecting our entire relationship. We have a child together and he becomes distant to the child as well when we argue. I will take some of the blame as I can be difficult as well. But at the moment it's like he actually hates me. I am trying to understand what depression is but I don't understand feelings as I don't feel that way. He says I am not supportive but when I try he just gets angry and tells me to just dont. I feel lately like he just doesn't care or like my side of things. This is starting to cause me anxiety and I don't mean to but get short tempted and start getting restless with baby. As I am exhausted. I work as well and do every thing else. It just seems sometimes he asks way too much of me and I think sometimes.I am falling into that dark hole and that i should just take baby and leave. He is a great dad but just at the moment we can't seem to stop.fighting all.the time and everything seems to be my fault. There's on my so much I can take... As to him it seems I don't do anything for him and that I am selfish. Please help

Adult children with anxiety and gender issues

replies: 16

Hi, we have a child (early 20's) living with us who has withdrawn from society and is not working and has very limited friends. We have looked at all the government help and even private but now there is a wall up between us that stops all........all conversations. We are struggling with direction on any level. It seams any conversation will end up as a fight and we need help.

Help supporting an online friend?

replies: 3

I’m new here, so I don’t know if this is the right forum to put this in, but here it goes. I’m not depressed myself, but I have a few friends online who are, and I want to support them in anyway possible. I haven’t found anything on google about supp... View more

BDP Fiance

replies: 3

Hi All, I am new to this community and need some advice. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 years now who has driven me absolutely crazy at times and we have both wondered if he has bipolar, but now I am realizing he is a classic BDP. He isn't interested in hearing it because he doesn't want to 'label' himself anymore. We have bought a house together and have plans to get married but all of a sudden he wants to ditch it all and go travelling in a van. I AM SO CONFUSED. He gets really depressed at times, even crying, because he can't achieve this new dream. Before all this, he would get angry and depressed because he hated his job, but he refuses to try to learn something new. He is always dissatisfied with something. We have broken up before and he spent the entire time calling and texting me begging me to still talk to him. I really don't know what to do. I love him, but is it ever going to get better??? If anyone is in a BDP relationship please help me.

How to offer support to a loved one who has shut you out from a distance

replies: 10

Hi, I have read many posts on helping loved ones with depression and have found so many of these to be very helpful. It has also eased my mind, as I can relate so much to these situations. I love and support my partner and believe he has been battling depression for a lot of his life. I have only known him for 12 months and have been dating him for 8 months. During this time I have been able to see all sides of him, from the most loving, selfless and caring person I have met to withdrawn, judgemental and selfish. It has been a rollercoaster, but being aware has made me more mindful on how to react in certain situations. I know during times of stress, he starts to withdraw from me and his mood becomes dark, which only lasts a couple of days. It hasn't been easy and I know the criticism and judgement are not personal attacks, but unfortunately being human makes me susceptible to this at times. He has on a couple of occasions indicated he needs to seek help and I told him I would always be there to support him when he decided to make this step. I have never pressured, nor would I, as I know this is only a decision he can make on his own and when he is ready. In the last month he was made redundant over an incident that occurred at work, that was in no way his fault. Unfortunately this hit him hard, which was to be expected, as he felt responsible for letting everyone down. I have been there to support him the whole way through it, as much as I can. Unfortunately, as we both work in FIFO and live in different parts of the state, once I had to return to work, he started to slowly shut me out. Messages were 2 word replies and then there was no contact for 5 days. I finally made contact and discovered he was in a worse situation than I had thought possible. He didn't want to talk much about it and I didn't want to pressure him. Now it has been close to another week with no contact. I have sent occasional messages offering my support and letting him know how much I care and will not give up on him. I try calling every couple of days, as I don't want him to feel suffocated, but also don't want him thinking I have given up on him. I have no one to contact to find out if he is ok. Do I just need to be patient and give him his space and respect he wants no contact or is there more I could do? It has been tough not knowing. I have another 2 weeks of working away and don't know if I will hear from him before then to arrange to see him. I feel so helpless.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Has anyone spent anytime with their partner at a retreat for some time out replies: 1

help to stop the constant worry about a loved one with mental illness replies: 12

Depressed husband thinking of ending relationship replies: 3

Friend with PTSD replies: 9

16 Year Old Sister BPD replies: 2

Partner depression replies: 1

Adult children with anxiety and gender issues replies: 16

Help supporting an online friend? replies: 3

BDP Fiance replies: 3

How to offer support to a loved one who has shut you out from a distance replies: 10