Carers who also have mental illness

[Insomniasaurus]

Hi my husband has depression and I have schizo-affective disorder. We have primary school aged twins. I am finding it difficult supporting him without jeopardising my own mental health. I haven't been able to get to sleep tonight and I know my kids will be waking up in a few hours.

I am working two jobs and he has been depressed due to not working at the moment. I am tired every day about 130-2pm but can only have a rest on the days I work casually and just have to battle on at work on the other days. One of my kids has been becoming disrespectful and defiant and my hubby is not coping with this. I rarely get any time to myself unless I am walking to and from work as hubby never has motivation to go anywhere. A lot of things in our lives are going well but at the same time I can't sleep as I overthink and analyse situations that have happened during the day and can't switch off. Hubby also has a brain injury so I have been trying to help him access the NDIS and have had to appeal the decision.

how do people juggle motherhood, being a carer, working and having a mental illness themselves? I always feel like life is a neverending treadmill and that I am constantly preparing for what has to happen next rather than enjoying the moments in time as they happen

[quirkywords]

Insomniasaurus, (like the name)

Welcome to the forum. This is a caring , friendly and supportive community.

You certainly have a lot on your plate and could do with some support.

Is there anyone in your family who could help you?

Are you getting help from a mental health worker or from your GP.?

Is your husband seeing a doctor?

Sorry for all the questions.

You are juggling a lot but your health is very important because if your health suffers all those ball you are juggling will fall over.

People often talk about setting boundaries but this is hard with your family but there should be some help for you too. Is there someone you can talk to about how you feel.

Late at night without sleep things can seem bleak.

Feel free to post when you have time no when you want to.

Quirky

[Insomniasaurus]

Thanks for replying. I managed to get to sleep sometime after 3am. Usually it's not too much later than midnight. I am on medication (for seventeen years now) so I see a gp every month and a psychiatrist every six months. I have started seeing a psychologist but don't feel she is as useful as others in the past as we have a conversation but she doesn't really give me any practical strategies or emotion coaching or anything... I am going well compared to many others with the same diagnosis so she doesn't seem to realise I still need help.

hubby has started medication for his depression but still working out the levels, it is a big step he has made realising he needs clinical help. He has his good and bad days like the rest of us. He is between jobs at the moment and the disability employment place are trying to find work for him which will help socially and financially

as for family our closest relatives live 2.5 hrs away and we have only lived here for 3-4 years so still building up friendships. I am a mental health support worker 3 days per week and together with caring duties for hubby and kids at home sometimes I feel burnt out

decided to have a pyjama day today and then a special treat, have been given tickets for the circus in town so will be taking the kids to that later in day. Kids appreciating the slower day today too, hubby has them so I can have a rest. I guess I am okay but yes juggling a lot at the moment and when I have been admitted to hospital in past it was always after doing too much

[white knight]

Hi "In" welcome

Raising children can be daunting. If one parent relies on the other too much then it ceases to be a team and crack begin to appear. This could be justified with mental illness because our capabilities become less. A defiant child will test us and with depression our fuse is shorter.

The most important thing about this situation is teamwork. you both have to band together to set those boundaries in concrete, no exceptions. Otherwise the problem will get worse.

This is a thread that you can google

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Even with depression one has to attend to basic needs like rising out of bed to go to the bathroom or prepare a sandwich. That thread highlights to trap some people with depression fall into in relying too much on their carer and not contributing with the carers needs. You might relate to that. It isn't being critical of your husband but letting you know that these traps are common for those in depression. Then it becomes a situation whereby you are doing more than your fair share and burnout results.

Unfortunately your hubby has his own battles. It might be a case of getting the best out of him in spurts. for example, if he could help you when you return home from work just for 20 minutes, a cuppa, a chat then he can retire for a while. This might help you feel good for the evening. Sometimes its just a case of changes often seen by counsellors that are obvious to them but not to you.

A few others are here-

Topic: pampering yourself- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: Depression and physical injuries- beyondblue

I hope you feel better soon

Tony WK

[Josse]

Hello Insomniasaurus,

Sending hugs to you. I don't have any advice as I am also experiencing something similar to you. Being a mother is hard, being in a demanding job is hard, I supported my husband through major depression 2 year ago, and he recovered and moved on but I am stuck in the past, this is hard too.

I hope this is just a brief moment in life and when we pass this hurdle and look back, and say 'Man that was hard! but I am glad I survived". I am looking for this day to come and hope this will happen to you too.

Take care of yourself when you can, and remember there are many people like you sending you support.. You are not alone.

Josse

[Insomniasaurus]

Thanks Tony I appreciate your comments I will check out those other threads also

[Insomniasaurus]

Thanks Josse hopefully we will both be over the hurdle soon!