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Why should I bother
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I'm not the type of person that usually discusses this type of thing because everybody has problems and I don't want to add to problems people have in their own life, but I can't take it anymore I don't know why I should bother fighting a losing battle, I'm nearly 50, jobless but actively looking for a job, alone most of my life last girlfriend I had was when I was 19, running out of money and the mental fortitude to keep going. Feel like such an insignificant, worthless speck that is just wasting oxygen.
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Hi welcome
Sorry for you being in this situation, a place I was at 40yo (now 69yo) with one attempt on my life then at the fall of my 1st marriage. Having survived it I left her and took up residence in my 3 metre long caravan at a caravan park, broke, mortgage on the family home, but I did have a job. Becoming a part time dad was painful.
I'll give you my best answer to why you should stay in life- because around the corner could be change. Anything can happen and if you are radical in your actions you'll make your own luck. Let me explain.
Late 1970's I picked up a hitchhiker on his way to Adelaide. He'd split from his wife and was depressed. When we got to Adelaide he stayed with me a few days then got a job at a sheep station. 6 months went by, he'd fallen in love with a lady that worked there, was in contact with his toddler son in Melbourne and was really happy. The contrast was amazing.
Another example- as a supervisor at a small factory a Vietnamese guy arrived every Thursday morning looking for work. He and his family had arrived in Oz by a leaking boat. Each time I turned him down. Then my boss was there and along came the guy asking for work and I'd told my boss he'd knocked on the door at least 6 times. My boss gave him a job, best worker we ever had. Persistence was his luck.
Can I suggest for you to seek out a motivation lecture? At 26yo one lecture for 30 minutes saved my life I believe. Yes, with mental health challenges we have our down days and it doesnt matter what you do, but if your up days are good then you'll survive better. I've got the link below. These links, you only need to read the first post. Hopefully they will hit home.
My last piece of advice is to, if you're losing hope altogether is 2 things- 1st is to ring lifeline or the number at the bottom of this page or do as I did 2 years ago and knock on a medical centres door and tell them you are feeling unsafe. Please do that, yes it feels embarrassing but you are human and your state of mind is temporary. The 2nd thing to do if really low is be radical with your thoughts and plans. I've got a link for that also below.
I hope that helps and I feel for you. We do make our own luck in life and although you lack a partner please never give up on your value you could provide to someone that is just as lonely, just as down but... just as priceless.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525
Reply anytime I'm here daily and others might contribute also.
TonyWK
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Hello white knight,
Thanks for your reply, I read it and the 2 links you added. I do understand the points you have made. Sorry if what comes next is rambling my thoughts are all over the place. I was working in warehousing for over 20 years, 12 of which as manager, enjoyed working in the industry that entire time, then one day I woke up and had an episode of agoraphobia didn't leave my room for 2 days (literally stayed in my room no food and drank water from the shower) contacted work and told them I was quitting. The next day I forced myself to go outside and go for a drive. But since that day, which was the start of December, I have been going downhill and in the last week it has been a near vertical drop. Again, sorry for the rambling, but my "never give up" is running on fumes and as for the radical part I already tried that by changing what I did on a daily basis and trying to find a new career path, but no-one wants a near 50yr old who only has experience and qualifications in warehousing. I don't know how much longer I can hold it together. I apologize for dumping this on you knowing what you have been through. I'm not a people person and this type of thing is very hard for me to convey properly.
Darksoul
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Of my many jobs i have worked in a warehouse as a forklift driver.
You conveyed it all very clear. On a forum it's often after the initial replies that we get a grip on the real current situation. The intensity of the last week's and months have been no less than a crisis for you. So forgive me for not detecting that earlier.
Have you seen your GP in recent days? It's an obvious question but I'll ask anyway. Are you receptive to help from them? I ask that because as a 69yo male it's been hard for me to seek it with my typical male reluctance.
I've written over 250 articles on mental health for this forum over 12 years. One post was about how to support men in need. I advocate not much hugging, not too personal on questions, lots of listening and if sitting together a simple hand on the shoulder.
For what it's worth my hand is on your shoulder (virtually) and am willing to hear more of your story if you choose to release it. You sound like you're burnt out.?
I'm here daily so if you post I'll respond when I log on. I am a survivor, where you might be one day when you get past this hump.
Repost when if you please, no pressure.
Regards
TonyWK
