I really don't know what to do anymore

[OllieA_TransKid]

I've been struggling these past 2 years. I can't go a few days without wanting to just disappear or hurt myself.

I've always been told by people that my ex is saying terrible things behind my back, and just over-all making my thoughts worse.

I have talked to doctors, and I have been told to my face if I tell my parents I'm thinking it again, I have to go to a psychiatric hospital. I'm just stressed. My 4 or 5 friends left have been trying to make me feel safer with myself, and it's sort of worked, but, I always snap back to wanting to hurt myself a few days later.

I've always been told psychiatric hospitals are for deranged people. I sort of realise it was an over exaggeration, but i still fear them. I always feel the need to say sorry, and i don't know why, because its causing people to say "Stop saying sorry so much, god it's annoying" and it's ruining me I'm a bit ok now, but I'm genuinely worried for my mental health at this point.

Its stressing my parents out and I just want to disappear sometimes to save them the trouble of having to be my parents.

[indigo22]

Hi OllieA_TransKid,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

There are a few things I would like to address in your post. Sometimes we can be so caught up in the experience we are living through that we can't find the clarity we need to make good decisions.

The first thing that stands out is that the reason you always feel you need to say 'sorry', is that you see yourself as 'less than' everyone else. It is a common mistake that we make when we lose our self worth and self esteem, but I want you to know that you do matter and you are just as important in this world as everyone else on the planet.

Your parents are stressed out because they don't know exactly how to help you. They would be devastated if they lost their child, so your focus needs to be on helping yourself and allowing them to help you as best they can.

The fact that your ex is talking behind your back says more about them than it does about you. My guess is they have their own insecurities and are trying to deflect them by talking about you. If you can possibly do so, try to ignore what you hear from others.

It sounds like you have some good friends who care about your welfare, that's very positive and should tell you something about how others see you as opposed to how you see yourself.

Whoever told you that psychiatric hospitals are for deranged people, has no idea what they are talking about. Sure, there are some very mentally ill people that need to be there, but there are also people like yourself who just need some help getting their lives back on track. Hurting yourself and wanting to disappear is not the way life is meant to be, you are just stuck in a dark place right now and need help to find your way to the light again.

Please consider talking to your parents about how you are feeling and if that means going to hospital and getting the help you need and deserve, then take a deep breath and a leap of faith. No one else can do this for you, it is up to you to ask for help and then follow through.

I would be happy to continue the conversation if you wish.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Guest_10120]

Hey there!
I really apologize that you feel this way. You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. It's good that your friends are willing to help you, but getting the help of a professional is much better. Psych hospitals are not meant just for the 'crazy', but they actually help people who are going through a tough time. Please seek out someone you trust and are willing to talk to. Don't hesitate to get help because you matter.

[Ash_music]

You sound like a lovely person. You also sound like an older version of myself to be honest. I'm 14 and I say sorry A LOT. And I get why people get annoyed and I do try to stop but it's harder then it looks. But what I want to remind you, and will KEEP reminding you as much as I have to is that YOU WILL MAKE IT OUT. there is always a light at the end of the tunnel even of the tunnel has a lot of cross roads. You are strong. You are amazing. And you can make it out. Stressing is serious. Even if some people don't think so. But we have to remember that we have people out there that can help us and KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. I also found that as an alternative to self-harm, you can use eyeliner to draw on your arms and legs or you can get a strong mint that reminds your lungs that you can in fact breath air. You are doing AMAZING. You WILL be alright. I am so proud of you that you have made it this far already. Keep going and talk to me as much as you need. I will always respond. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to

[OllieA_TransKid]

Thank you. It's really hard to find support these days. I'm glad people are helping me get through this. I'm still having the thoughts more than i used to, but thank you for that tip. I really appreciate it.

[Ash_music]

Anything to help someone who is struggling 🙂