??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[Guest_4593]

Thank you everyone and im sorry , i have found this forum and i know im stuggling and also just venting on this sight. Some times i may makes sense other times probably not and im sorry.
I know what everyone is trying to say and encourage, and i am more grateful than anyone will know because u all seem to be long time followers and I'm sure u have all heard everything and im sorry if im always just so all over the place . But im sure ur all use to that aswell ..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest 4593..

RUOK?..

Guest..Please don’t apologise...You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about...

These forums are for people who are struggling and need to reach out to people who care about them and want to help you through this very hard rough patch your going through... by our lived journeys..and hopefully our insight into our own journey...which we hope so much may help you.

You have been so brave, talking with us...sharing your story.... if you feel up to it, please keep talking here and keep us updated on how your feeling...

If at anytime you want to...you want to talk about anything else to give your mind a rest from the heavy stuff...We are all here for you Guest...we care and you matter to us..

Sending you my kindest wishes and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[Guest_4593]

Thanks grandy... i have problems like u.. just wanna get to where u are helping people

[Ggrand]

Dear Guest...

I am pleased you got back to me..,Thank you so much for doing so.l.

Guest...it’s okay..to not be okay...

Sitting here with you dear Guest.,.Please look after you...I’m about to go to sleep now..well I hope I sleep...

If it’s okay I will pop in tomorrow for a chat...

Take care of you Guest...

Good night Guest...Wishing you a peaceful and deep sleep..

Kindest wishes...with care..🕊🌱🦋.

Grandy..

[Guest_4593]

Thanks sleep sleep sleep lol have a good night xoxox

[Guest_4593]

I WANNA DIE WHY DO people make such a big deal of it?? Like it dosen't happen... it does asnd

[Sophie_M]

Dear Guest 4593,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[Guest_4593]

Why . What did i do wrong

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest...

I am deeply sorry that you’re in such a bad position to you want to die...

I was Were you are at when I first joined BB...in and out of that place for a couple of years...I ended up in hospital for nearly 6 weeks...I didn’t want to go...but I did and I was okay in their, when I got home again I was on my own with promises of support which never happened...then went back down..ending up again in hospital for a couple of weeks...then Bach home again, this time I made my mind up that I will try my very best to start healing myself...I wanted to get well....

I started to reply to posts, a big more.. just small little things, that I wished so much people would say to me..Living alone is hard..and no one to help me..but me..I found being nice and trying to support the people here on BB that helped me through my darkest days is something I felt I needed to do...I was so scared I would say the wrong thing to them..and I did a few times..but..you know it made me feel good helping them and I felt like I had something to live for again....I even got a volunteer job for one day a week..Doing something for other people, even though so small made me feel better about myself...

I’m wondering if you would at all be interested in volunteering your time with a charity shop, hospital, meals on wheels, or even the library, if you are interested...I can tell you for that one day helping other people and being around people will help give your mind a rest...and hopefully you’ll feel better within yourself because you’re helping others..

I am sorry, when I asked you if you are okay.? I really meant it because I care about you..I had just taken a sleeping med and couldn’t stay awake anymore..I honestly didn’t ask you as a joke..( I read a post you posted on another thread)...and I’m sorry you thought that..I only wanted to help you...Once again I am deeply sorry if you thought I wasn’t genuine..

I hope so much that you are okay dear Guest....and today is a bit better then yesterday...

sending my kindness and care to you...

Grandy..

[Guest_4593]

My Responsibilities have eased and not sure how to act. Like wow i dont have to wake up at 6am on my days off for the first time in years. What to do with myself lol..thats bad for a functioning alcoholic with anxiety and depression. I dont have to do anything ! My world seems to be temporarily relaxing and yet im getting more miserable and depressed and i should be happy to have some freedom and i am, but i also have this empty pit in my stomach like i have wanted space all year and now im getting it and realise how irelavent i am and how when im not needed im casted aside like trash .
Iv had the worst year ever and i have kept telling myself things will get better (when bla bla ) everything that sent me in to this tail spin had gotten better and im getting worse. Guess i can tell myself things will get better nxt year and try to believe that, otherwise have to face some truths that this year actually broke me and im on the mental health pathway that i read about on here.