??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[ecomama]

Dear Guest_4593

What you're living with right now; the feelings and thoughts and actions can all change with treatment.

Those of us who've suffered from depression or still do, can feel a TON better with treatment.
The treatment is not only what our GP and MH professionals so for us, it's what we also do for ourselves with them helping.

You did the right thing by reaching out here.

You can and WILL get better. No one expects a broken arm to heal without the diagnosis with an xray then casting etc. Imagine trying to do ALL the same things everyday with a broken arm by just saying "I'm ok" and ignoring it?

We can only do this for xxx long. It hurts more. Gets more painful. Just gets worse.

Same with Mental Health.... it can be a long road but you've made the first step. Reaching out here.

The 2nd step is whatever you decide. You can call the BB Helpline anonymously and talk to the Counsellor. This is what it will feel like to talk with your GP and a psych... but better because they SEE you.

We see you too.
We hear you and know the pain you're in right now.

Take the next step and you'll continue to feel better.
EM

[Guest_4593]

Thank you so much for your reply i understand what your saying... im actually scared as yell.. guess we all dread situations intill we get thought them and go (what was i worried about).. but im hoping that people here do understand my hesitations and that there is i think a big issue for me with excepting help and im taking small steps here. And gps and mental health plans and aa is were i need to be but i think its gonna be a longer process than just talking to strangers

[smallwolf]

I gave up thinking about how long I would be seeing a psychologist a while ago - I would think about how close or far away I was from the goal line. Thinking about that now, it did help as I when I was down I would think of myself as resetting and never getting any better. Today, when I do feel low I "know" that I will get through it and it is just another step on the journey.

Talking to strangers between sessions is helpful if you mean here as we are all here for each other. And small steps forward are good steps - you are still moving.

[Guest_4593]

Im even in a worse head space today than usual. Iv been going out alot this fortnight which is not me ever,,, but even despite my months of being (not me) lately feeling nothing and as a socially awkward person going out with people should be the usual awkward, anxiety and uncomfortable, indecisive me but iv been just saying yes ill go to everyone.. and i feel nothing i go out and its like im not even there.. very hard to explain but going through a lot with anxiety and panic attacks for months yet im putting myself in these situations that have never been me and ( i feel nothing). I even had a sober night last night and today nothing just (nothing) i was blank all day than a small problem at work and i was over the top angry. ( well i was angry but also just wanted to cry) but thats weird to how can i be empty all day then something stupid makes me so angry i wanna just (cry) . Now im sitting here alone trying to find a drinking buddy for the night.. i quess im just looking for something to make me feel alive or happy. ( it just dosen't seem to be working)

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593, thanks for joining us again on the Beyond Blue forums. We're sorry to hear tonight is such a difficult one for you. It sounds like you're experiencing many different and fluctuating emotions, it might be helpful to read through our  "the facts" webpage for any information that might help to clarify some of these emotions. 

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 
  Please keep checking in to let us know how things progress. 

[Guest_4593]

No support. But thanks i will read ur facts page

[Guest_4593]

Actually can i safely say . In this supportive non judgmental place im really not ok. Im really not ok !!

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593, we're sorry to hear that you don't feel okay and are struggling to cope at the moment. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you and would like to offer our support and advice. 

Please keep posting here as well to share your thoughts and feelings with us. 
 

[smallwolf]

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment! Can you tell me what is on your mind at the moment?

[ecomama]

Guest_4593 said:Actually can i safely say . In this supportive non judgmental place im really not ok. Im really not ok !!

Thank you for telling us you're not okay!

We are here to listen and be of some support for you in your extremely challenging situation.

PLEASE VENT AWAY.

I've read everything I can find here that you've written.... I hear you. We are WITH you.

Can you start small and NOT put the pre-Covid expectations on yourself?

I am going to start a thread on SELF-CARE .... you know... that 4 letter word x 2 that everyone keeps telling us to do?

I am DEFIANTLY doing some self-care lol... puny efforts but PLEASE JOIN ME in trying to battle this seemingly impossible mountain called self-care!

You and I have SO MUCH in common, I KNOW this already!

Let's be online sisters and do this together.

God Bless You and Your Beautiful Family!

LOVE EM