What to do/ where to get hepp

[Doe]

Hi, I am the survivor of recent suicide after along stay in hospitals. I am struggling with getting well both in mind and spirit. My body has healed to a great degree. More so the ever persistent feeling of remorse and shame over what I have done and the grief I brought to my family. 

[Picture]

Hi Doe - thinking of you. You are a survivor. Sorry you feel shame and remorse, both very human emotions. It shows you care about others. Try to be kind to yourself and remember you were not in a good frame of mind when you tried to commit suicide. The important thing is focusing on recovery day by day. One thing my psychologist said is imagine your shame and regret on a tv screen then shrink the image. You are aware of it but try not to let it consume you. Wishing you the best in your recovery

[Croix]

Dear Doe~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the Forum. It is a good place to come as if you look around you will find others in similar circumstances. I was one myself though now the thoughts are less and the actions well behind me. 

I'm glad your body is healing, that is important, what is even more important is your mind heals as well. At the moment  if you were like me you are full of shame, guilt and regret, as if you deliberately chose to hurt others - which I very much doubt was the case.

I found life intolerable more than once, and at the time had no room in my mind for thoughts of others, or how they would react. At times I thought I'd be doing them a favor.

To try to take your life you must have been in a bad way with thoughts crowding in your mind, all full of blame, failure and no hope. Now you are physically recovering, however those thoughts are still with you, even if to a lesser or changed extent. they are keeping you from seeing all that could be ahead, and leave you feeling terribly negative and unhappy wiht yourself.

The fact that you are very conscious of the effects on others shows you are a caring person, not a thoughtless one.

Trying to get out of these thoughts on your own was not possible for me, I had to have clinical help, together with family support, which reminds me do you have anyone in your life who cares, listens and will try to understand?

You may find someone here to talk with, also there is our own 24/7 Help line plus Lifeline (131114) of course together wiht the Suicide Call Back Service. None of these require it be a severe crisis and can be prepared to just talk or suggest support in your area.

Do ask them about a Safety Plan, if you do not have one already. I use BeyondNow, which has served me well, (it does take setting up in advance)

I hope that I've given you something to think about - that your mind at hte moment is too full of same and regret to have room for better thoughts, and that outside help can make a great difference.

I would be really please if you came back and talked more

Croix

[therising]

Dear Doe

My heart goes out to you so very much as you face the aftermath of what was possibly the worst day of your life. 'How to live when you just don't know how to do it anymore? How to live with so much unbearable and overwhelming pain?' are just a couple of questions that can lead a person to take such action which can later come with a heartbreaking and/or soul destroying sense of remorse and shame. While I faced my worst day many years back, I can relate to that sense of remorse and shame you speak of. From my own experience, I believe we should never be left alone to try and make sense of such feelings. They can be too brutal and tormenting to manage alone. I'm so glad you've come here, so as to share your feelings.

You speak of mind, body (which has healed to a great degree) and spirit. As a 55yo gal who came fairly late to the concept of balance between all 3, in my late 40s I began to seriously venture down that rabbit hole out of a desperate need. You could say one entrance entitled 'self understanding' can lead to 3 offshoots, 'mind', 'body' and 'spirit'. The further you venture in, the more intersecting points there are to be discovered. Take 'emotion' for example. Certain emotions can be born from certain thoughts or belief systems (mind). Such emotions can also be felt through physical chemistry (body) which interacts with thought. From a spiritual perspective, if we were born to sense or born to feel, we will inevitably sense/feel what are the wrong thoughts and belief systems and sense/feel the chemistry that can be generated from them. If 'emotion' is 'energy in motion' or    'e-motion' and we're sensitive enough to feel it, we will definitely feel that specific type of energy.

What type of energy is shame? Is it horrible, destructive, full of sufferance, soul destroying and more? The short answer 'Hell, yeah' and it definitely can feel like hell on earth. Does it therefor come from a healthy belief system or an unhealthy one? Definitely unhealthy. Does the particular belief system shame's tied to need to go? For sure. If you could eliminate the man made concept of shame altogether, what emotion or energy in motion would you then be free to finally feel or sense moving through you? What would you call it? How does self compassion feel to you? Does it feel gentle, loving and much needed at this time in your life? ❤️