What do I do?

[Disgraceful]

About a year ago I moved and left everything I’ve ever known. Since then, sure there have been some good things, but my mental health has gone downwards and badly. 
My brother has ADHD and everything is always about him. My parents don’t know that I have Snapchat and it has caused me so many problems over the last few days. 
One of my friends, who is a lot older than me has told

me he likes me and I’ve never had anyone say that before and I’ve never liked anyone romantically. I had to tell him and set boundaries, hurting him in the process. I’m the sort of person that can’t hurt anyone and is guilt tripped easily. I self harmed and it’s not the first time I’ve spiralled like this. It’s healing now and I came to an agreement with this friend and we started talking again. Then a few days ago one of my friends had a panic attack in class and he was the one to calm her down and I later snapped at her cause I felt like I wasn’t needed. And then tonight, my  friend, the one who had the panic attack, and I where talking about going to Neverland and finding a bridge and dieing and he has snapped and said he doesn’t care anymore and that guilt tripped me. He has also been really toxic and not really caring about me and my friend but neither of us have the courage to unadd him. To top it all off, my mother has been away for ages and I’ve been doing all the cooking and house work and wanting to cry all day every day and not being able to while my dad and brother sit on their asses doing nothing.

What do I do? How do I stop myself from spiralling while also stopping my friend from going down that path? How do I make it easier?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm so happy you posted. All these problems, thankfully, are fixable. When confronted with any problem ask yourself- is it fixable? If it is, either by yourself or writing here or other means, then pursue it and get it fixed, that way you'll learn better how to overcome these problems and become more confident.

I had a older brother that had an illness when we were kids and my younger sister was the favourite. So, I understand being left out. Find an activity only you and your dad or mum can do together. Make sure they know that you want that quality time together not to include your bro. It could be a documentary on a topic you like, sport, board game, video game.

Hurting others unintentionally is a problem, no matter how tactful. Tact is an art to be learned. Remember, you can promote friendship while letting people down romantically. "I'm sorry that I dont see you in that way but its so sweet you do feel something, what I value so much is our friendship, I hope it continues". Then contact them the next day and ask if they are ok.

Your friend helping your friend with the panic attack- what a hero!! Was there a feeling of jealousy from you do you think? This is all very normal for someone your age but it is something to work on. I think they should have been admired for helping with the panic attack. Praise is free.

Dreams of places and dying etc isnt a healthy frame of mind, it doesn't advance your lives at all. Try to stop such chatter, you are in control of that talk. 

I've self harmed a long time ago and really, it isnt a good thing to consider. We all have so many problems now and we have to systematically work through them.

As for the men in the household. Yes cook away but the rest, dishes, cleaning etc- ask them to do that from now on. The days when females did it all are over!! say that. All part of maturing.

TonyWK

[smallwolf]

I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so challenging for you lately. It's completely understandable that moving away and dealing with your own struggles, as well as family dynamics, can take a toll on your mental health. I might be wrong in my reply, and please let me know if I am. Anyway,  here are some things, you can consider:

• Reaching Out: Don't hesitate to talk to someone you trust about your feelings. While it sounds like you don't speak about this stuff with your parents, I would hope that would care about your wellbeing.
• Communication: Open, honest conversations with your friend (and family) can help address any misunderstandings.
• Self-Care: Prioritize self-care, such as exercise, healthy eating, and enough rest. (I was one that didn't know much about this before I came to this space. And self-care is more than what I have written here.)
• Reassess Toxic Relationships: If a friendship is causing harm, it's okay to distance yourself from it.

You are a wonderful person in helping your friend. But that also means looking after yourself. And here, and I think your family, there are people who care about your well-being. And if you want to chat more I am listening...