Totally lost and broken

[Broken]

I don’t know where to begin been dating my partner for eight years three been cheating on them emotionally and physically talking to all of his exes and also discussing his sexual life. Our sexual life with his exes talks about me said he felt like that I’m just Sister to him that, I’m older than him. I am older than him but not by that much. I’m not gonna do and how much I’ve done for Guy but I’ve done a lot but what is broken? Even more? Is the fact that he’s protecting all these people and all these other social platforms like Reddit etc. And bagging me over 12 months to get a stroke of ego and for people to feel sorry for him and made me out to be this evil monster which he was the one I’m working he’s just operating around the gym for 12 hours talking to women and plan to leave me but yet he wants a baby with me spent thousands over $70,000 freezing my eggs and everything for Ivf  Then I caught him out. Then he rushed me to get married. Wipe me off. My feet made out. It was his idea but then went onto Reddit that night and complained that he didn’t wanna get married that I forced him to just say his ex would see all this and make me out to be a monster . He tried to suicide many times. He’s been aggressive since we got married. I know it’s because he’s fucked up and he doesn’t wanna get caught out. I’ve got all her details all his details. I’ve given him lots of chances a safe place to explain to me why he denies it and makes it I’m going crazy . I’m angry with the fact that why did he marry me if he wants to be with her he says he’s in love with me. I’ve been through so much garbage in my life and if I tell anybody all of my friends and my family wants to bash him up or two, they will tell me to sell them. I know I have to leave, but it’s getting the strength emotionally to leave  His life out of his way to find someone to screw them to justify himself. I’m embarrassed. I trusted someone and finally let them into my life treated like garbage for no reason. I’m starting to hate him but I just wanna know why he can’t just tell me the trace so I can move on  And why did he marry me cheating on me because he talk to everybody? He has all of his exes everywhere and he had violent charges on him. I’ve helped him so much. I thought I was and spoiling and I think holidays money cleaning up. I just can’t be bothered doing any of it. It’s like I’m just surviving , out of my way to watch porn and criticise but I was doing not knowing that it was out of my comfort zone and the fact that I was doing it to him he couldn’t take the time to even do that. Very selfish person. Know these things but I guess I just wanna know  Shall I just leave and let him figure out but I just can’t talk to him again we’ve been through a lot and a few deaths and he told me basically he’s only me because his whole family will just say that he stuffed up if he lost me and he’d be jealous of someone else had me like this. I’m not a normal person , please people give me your thoughts. I said so much to go into detail and use all think I’m crazy for staying with someone like this. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Broken, 

Thank you for sharing here today. This is a huge amount for one person to be dealing with and we are glad that you have found us here. We hope this community can be a supportive space for you. Please know that you're in a safe space for doing so here, with a lovely community of kind and understanding people.  

Abuse is never okay. We’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.  If you are ever in immediate danger, 000 is the number to call. Your safety is priority.

If you ever want to talk, please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 online, here. If using the phone would be difficult for you, you can reach them via webchat too. We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:  

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse  

• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on healthy relationships.  

• Relationships Australia’s advice on communication in relationships   

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here. Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.  

Kind regards,   
Sophie M 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

firstly I hope that you don't mind a short reply from me. And for you to come here and write down your story takes strength and courage. 

You are not crazy for wanting answers, and you deserve so much better. This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Leaving is incredibly hard... but I cannot tell you what you should do. Only you can determine what is best for you. Focus on your strength - you've gotten through a lot already. Focus on yourself and prioritize your safety and well-being.

Listening if you want to chat more ...