I'm not sure where things will fit, and I apologise in advance for any confusion I bring.
In spite of my efforts to be clear, I confuse. Everything feels like an overreach, that I have fumbled into better position than I deserve or earn. Sidestepped hardships by accident and fallen onto my feet at a run ahead of the starters gun. Lauded for crossing the finish line first when I didn't even know I was in the race.
Somehow even with all my luck, I am never enough for the things I strive for.
Position, promotion, purpose, pointless.
My arms shorten as raise them, fingers fail to fold around and grip, eluding. Everything I am is a dice roll in someone else's game.
The days are easier when I can accept I am less. Watching things unfold and filling minor supporting roles that create no risk of drama seems where I am most apt. My ego rises and I have to remember to punch it down. Jam my fist in my mouth and keep my head bowed. Rally against myself as the common enemy til I am numbed by the bruises and left in the corner.
Time to make another appointment.
Helarctus.
