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Time to go

Rod32
Community Member
I've read a lot of the posts, now I know I'm a pathetic looser. Loneliness after wife left, all friends were joint and now I have no contact from them. I have a 20yo son who is my world, my daughter 18 loves me however she is very much like her mother. Lost my two children from my previous marriage, son murdered 2016 and daughter died 2013 wife left 2019. I have tried to cope for my children's sake but now they are older an in relationship I'm not really needed now.  Rambling a bit now sorry, really had mostly a good life but the hurt and pain to much now, hard type through tears.
43 Replies 43

Rod32
Community Member

Nothing you said offends me in any way, I always appreciate candor and honesty, I always say what I think best right or wrong, when I'm asked for an opinion I say what's in my heart, man, has this caused problems over the years, some appreciate it some don't.

Cheers Rod

Mishmo
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

So glad to hear. Yes that is the best way to be tho in my books... as I am the same. I'm one to appreciate it, thanks. And yes, doesn't always go well at times, hence the after worries of upsetting people.

TC, Renée

Hi Rod

So glad you are here talking to everyone and I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Never judge yourself off others posts. That's their stories and we each and everyone have our own that are individual to us. From your replies above, I can see you are not a loser, just a guy who has had so much trauma already in his life and now feels like the rug has been pulled out completely. It hasn't, just needs spring cleaning to make it look new again.

Your life has meaning and you will find joy, but I wouldn't start looking at dating yet, first you need to take some time to heal yourself so that when you do put yourself out there, you are attracting the right person for you. Trust me, 11 years separated, raising 3 kids on my own, now adults or nearly, I thought it would be easier having someone help take that pain away at first, but it wasn't up to them to fix me, that was up to me. Have you reached out for any help with the trauma of your losses? Sometimes the hardest step is giving ourselves permission to heal, finding solace with solitude by being fulfilled by our own self. Do you have any hobbies, things you have enjoyed in the past or would really love to try if you felt you had the confidence?

Learn to Fly
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Rod32

Welcome and please be assured you have come to the right place.
You have been through so much, yet, have you ever had enough time to grieve your children from your previous marriage? Also the loss of your relationship? This might be also putting a weight on your shoulders.

You have so much love and care to give to your 20yo son and 18yo daughter. Yes, they might be adults now that lead their own lives. This is just a natural process of life. But they do and they will need you. You have been an enormous part of their lives. They need and care for you.

Bad night,

Gilbert O'SULLIVAN'S,

Alone again naturally

Sorry to hear that Rod32. It's hard to feel alone and be alone. What things do you like doing?

I played for the NRL, sailed in world championship, glider pilot and raced cars, but that's just memories, great memories but my body and mind don't go together, the curse of getting older and injuries have taken their toll.

No complaints.I wouldn't change a thing. I always lived for the day unfortunately tomorrow has come and now I feel like I'm just wasting oxygen and keep reneging on doing something.

I don't self harm physically at all but mentally is a different story, sad movies and songs from my past, just seem to fall back to these and torture myself mentally.

I read back on what I write and tell myself to grow up emotionally, doesn't work.

I ask myself over and over "what's the point of just existing" and can't seem to justify my existence.

Rod

Hi Rod32

Wow you have had a lot of great experiences. I can relate to the body and mind conflicting. I keep saying my mind says I'm in my late 20's, but the body says lady I feel 80.

It is really hard to get out of our own heads sometimes. Listening to the sad songs and watching sad movies feels right at the time because it reflects how we are feeling, but try if you can to add some comedy in there and some more uplifting motivating music. We are our own worst enemies at times.

Maybe instead of asking yourself "what's the point of just existing", ask yourself "who does it affect if I'm not, and what will I potentially be missing out on". When our children left home, are adults now and lead their own lives, it's easy to believe they don't need us anymore, but the fact is they definitely do. They will want you to be there for them still during the major events in their lives and even just knowing your parent is still there when you need them. Advice, shoulder to cry on and that person who just gets them because you know everything about them and accept them the way they are. Don't cut yourself short in that department.

Just found out my daughter 18 has moved out to be with her mother, no warning or see you later, I bought her a new car as I had promised for her 18th, helped with employment applications and advice, she has never once received corporal punishment, taught by her and her girlfriends how to drive and they appreciated that, just don't know where I went wrong.

My son won't talk about it saying "like her mother".

I'm now concerned he feels obligated to stay with me, I love my children so much.

It appears I was not as good a father as 1st thought, no idea where or how I failed so bad.

Just when I thought I couldn't hurt any more this happens, what a mess I have made of my life without even trying.

I've been walking this plank back and forth for a while now but getting closer to taking the splash.

I've tried really tried, maybe if I was younger things would be different.

Hey Rod,

Thanks for reaching out tonight,

We're sorry to hear your daughter has moved out of home. Were you able to speak with her before she left? We know this must be very distressing for you as we can hear how much your children mean to you. We're concerned to hear that your thoughts of suicide have returned and we are sending a private message to check in with you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.