Hello Rod,
I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps this weekend/week. Mind you, it's nothing even close to what you have described as your current experience - and my heart goes out to you. But I do have ebbs and flows with my anxiety and negative thoughts. At the moment it's a little bit more of a rut than normal because I'm making a big life decision at the moment and it might be really successful or not happen for me at all. I also feel resentment for some loved ones in my life, which I want to post to this forum at some stage when my blood is at more of a simmer than a boil. I'm doing my best to just ride that wave and hoping it'll flatten out soon.
One thing I wanted to ask you is whether you have sought advice from a compassionate GP with specialisation in mental health issues? The reason I ask is that, it seems you might need just that little bit of help to take the real sting out of what you're feeling, even if just initially to help guide you through to a mindset where you feel contentment in your life.
WhenI was in a really dark place about 7 or 8 years ago, I looked for a GP that I could connect with on an ongoing basis with regards to my mental health struggles. The lady I see has now known me for that length of time and she is so compassionate. She has seen me at my very worst, in tears in her office unable to go to work. And, as is more often the case now (I visit her about twice a year now), she's seen me at my best talking about how I'm enjoying work and have moved to a new home. I feel so comfortable saying absolutely anything to her. Back then, try as I might, I couldn't work through my symptoms and my feelings unaided. They consumed my every day, my every minute. But now, even though I have my low points - like at the present moment - I feel I generally have the tools to work through it. I'll always be that way inclined but I feel it's manageable.
Do you feel like you would be comfortable to talk to a doctor? In the meantime, I do hope you feel able to call 000 as Mishmo has suggested if you feel you are at a tipping point, or perhaps one of the services Sophie has referred to. Also, there is always someone on these forums interested in connecting.
Warm hugs.
