thinking about how i will never be loved by any girl

[tom122727]

i just want to start off to say that ive been going through alot after being abused at school by teachers thinking i cant academically perform causing me to leave the school and loose all my friends ive been disconnected from being social i dont know how to socially interact so therefor its taken a toll on my love life no girl is ever interested in me i feel like ive become a lost cause no girl seems to be interested in me genuinely i feel like im hopeless ive been told after attempts that im boring to talk to or that im just not good enough for her or im not her type no girl will ever give me a chance i feel like im a failure im 22 now and i feel like nothing is ever gonna get better i feel like maybe there is no point in living anymore im not gonna be loved i feel like maybe its my autism letting me down or its my body or the way i talk i feel like girls these days are not giving any grace to a guy like me i have flaws but why cant they see past that and see that i am a loving wonderful person i feel like i will be alone forever i feel like i wont ever get help cause of what happened in my past i get ptsd flashbacks about how i was abused one day by a teacher i reckon if i stayed in college maybe i would of found someone i wouldnt be so socially awkward as i am now all i can think of how much im a failure ive tried ending it in the past but my feelings and emotions are overwhelming me in terms of my autism i feel overwhelmed cause i feel like no girl will ever give me a chance theres no chances or graces to see how much of a person i am alot of people have told me that girls cant make you happy and that i dont need a girlfriend in my life but i feel like being together with someone would make me feel like i am loved and that i am worth something but if i get ignored its like the exact opposite i feel like no girl wants me or will ever give me grace i feel like maybe i should give up on living i just want this pain of lonliness to stop i feel like maybe they reject me cause its all my fault i feel like i make so many mistakes that its something i cant go back to fix its hard i just dont understand the thing is i am hurting really b adly inside i have pains in my chest of like deep sadness and its a pain that doesent go away cause im never told by anyone that things will be okay cause i feel like it wont.

[Sophie_M]

Hey tom,

We know how difficult it can be to reach out for support, and you've shown so much strength in opening up and sharing your journey with us here tonight. We can hear how much pain you must be feeling right now, but please know that you are never alone here, and there will be many others reading who can relate to having these intense feelings during really tough moments during their lives as well. We're so sorry to hear about these experiences at school, and being put down by others, and we can hear that these thoughts of wanting things to end must be so overwhelming to cope with. But please know that we are all here for you- these forums are a safe and supportive space to talk through these thoughts and feelings, and our caring community are here to help offer as much conversation and advice to help you through this really difficult time.

Our Support Service is also trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. Please know that there is always somewhere to turn in dark moments like these, and help is always available to you, whether it's from our friends at Kids Helpline (available 24/7 through phone- 1800 55 1800 or online chat), Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). The lovely counsellors are here for to you 24/7, as often as you need during overwhelming moments like these.

We're all here for you tom, and we hope that you keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel ready. 

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Tom,

Thanks for reaching out to the forums. I hear you as being mature and thoughtful with a fair helping of self criticism thrown in. We all need to love and be loved and you possess all the attributes you need within you.

Could you be defeating yourself before you embark by bringing your past into the present? This can subliminally transfer to others as a lack of confidence - you're not in school anymore; in fact you are your own man now.

So many individual traits give us personality - do you have a good sense of humour, a special interest, love animals? Pursuing what you enjoy is the best way to source kindred spirits. Sometimes you don't need to do anything else but be yourself and things fall into place.

It's not so much a case of 'finding' but 'feeling' comfortable around prospectives. If you are worrying more about how you are being perceived, then you might be neglecting what's most important: giving all your time and attention to the other.

People will not see the real you until you accept that you are not your academia, your looks, your voice, hair, or the shoes you wear - that's only the illusion.

You are still young and experience will have its share of knockbacks - we are none of us immune from this right of passage. Above all, show interest and respect for those you are with - they may have the same feelings of insecurity that require your compassion also.

Regards,

t.

[Truc]

Hi tom122727

I also had a similar experience before when some girls dont like me, I dont know that whether in their eyes I am good looking or bad looking, but luckily there were also a few girls interested in me, so I would say maybe I am not handsome, but I can be lovable, what do I actually mean by that ? Actually girls who I dated with or girls who I and her had feelings for each other but we could not go far because of some reasons, I think simply because I saw them as a friend first, at first I did not think much about getting in a relationship at that point, I saw them studying and talking passionately about a subject, and I am a curious person, so I just try to talk with them moderately without much any intention, but then things just came naturally. People may mistake a little bit we should have to come and talk with every girl and in one or two nights they will become our forever relationship, to me, it does happen as exceptions, however, sometimes we are not those exceptions, so I would like to be a normal person to take an effort, maybe actually not an effort, I just want to be friends by talking normal topics, topics they are interested and they are also topics I wanna know,...etc the rest if I and she can become a couple afterwards, I would be glad to, if not I would have a wonderful friend. Besides, I think nobody is ugly, everyone has a beauty side that they themselves may not know, some are easy to spot out and some are hidden to find out, but sometimes I think something hard and hidden may be worthwhile and long-lasting do you think so ?

[tom122727]

ik that no girl wants me i have tried and no girl here locally within Australia dont seem to be interested in me and also they have an attitude i just dont understand im in an online relationship with a girl from the united states

[Chris o]

Hi Tom,

I had a similar time like you. I tried but never had a girlfriend throughout my teens into my 20s. I wanted one so badly but could not make it happen. When I was 24 I asked a girl out and she yes. I did not know what to do and i ran away. True, I physically ran away.

well I track down her number, called her and she still want to go on a date. The date did not go well, I had very little skills in talking with girls. But she gave me a kiss. Best experience of my life.

You are more advance than I was at 22. Good luck finding that girl for you.

[tom122727]

its 2022 and i havent got a girlfriend yet another 2 years has passed im turnign 24 this year still no gf or anything cause i guess the covid pandemic has got everyone scared to but ik that no girl would be into me regardless of a pandemic

[Sophie_M]

Dear Tom122727,
 
Welcome back to the forums after a bit of a break, we are sorry to hear that you are still struggling with relationships and are so glad that you have reached out. We understand that relationship difficulties can have a very negative impact on your mental health, and we hope that you are taking time for yourself to unwind and do things that you enjoy.
 
As you know this is a very engaging and supportive community, but as you have responded to a post from 2020 there may be some delays in responses. Also please remember that immediate support is not available via the forums. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The number of replies received will always vary from day to day. But we encourage you to continue engaging and suggest posting on more recent similar threads or potentially start a new thread, if you feel you have no responses in a reasonable time.
 
If you need more immediate contact, please use our support service either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
We would also recommend checking out MensLine Australia at https://mensline.org.au/ or via phone on 1300 789 978.
 
Also if you have not engaged with them before we would also recommend Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ . This service is available to anyone 25 years old and under.
 
We hope that you find the support, experiences and suggestions of peers within the community to be helpful as you have in the past and we encourage you to continue engaging on the forums.
 
Warm Regards
Sophie M

[james1]

Hey tom122727,

The last two years of covid have been really tough and I'm sorry you still haven't had the chance to meet and connect with anyone. Being single can be really hard on our self-esteem because it feels like no one will love us, and we can really pick apart our own faults.

I understand you've been abused in the past and it sounds like you are feeling really down at the moment. Do you have any support like a psychologist or doctor, or even just friends or family who you can share these kinds of struggles with?

Relationship issues can feel really isolating sometimes, and in my own experience, it's a lot easier to manage when you have people to talk to.

James