Reached out to someone for help - ended up being blocked. Now I feel like some crazy loser :(

[mayhem83]

I have gotten into a really bad headspace recently, just getting really worked up about what is going on in the world with the pandemic, WW3 about to break out, Freedom protests etc. I have been having very strong suicidal feelings because it's all too much for me and I'm terrified about the future. I saw some Youtube videos about what the people in charge of this world have planned for us (digital ID, social credit score etc) and I'm really scared. I showed the videos to my family back home to try to warn them and I still get called a conspiracy theorist even though it's the actual World Economic Forum leaders themselves explaining what they are doing. I feel like I cannot get through to my family, and I'm scared about what is in the vaccines. This is a really scary time to be alive. When I get into this weird headspace I find myself crying uncontrollably and feeling a sense of panic. I just want to go back to the 1990s when things were normal. I get really upset when I think about where I would rehome my pets 😞

I've also been sexually harassed and bullied at my work amongst other things - there is a lot going on and it's all getting too much. I can't go back to my home country to see my family and they wont come over here to visit me. So I'm here alone and it's not mentally healthy especially during the pandemic.

The other night I got to a crisis point and decided that I needed to get help. I have used professional help in the past but I always feel pathetic and I prefer talking to someone that I know. But who could I talk to? I decided that the perfect person for me to talk to was someone I knew that works in mental health. I used to have a crush on this person (which they knew about) and I explained to them that I wasn't trying anything, but was just looking for help. So I told him everything, but it sort of came out as a bit of a ramble because of my neuroses and I think this made them a bit freaked out because the next day they said, in the nicest way possible, that we should go our separate ways. He offered advice on seeking help, diet+exercise etc. I apologized for my ramble and said goodbye. But then later on I sent a reply asking if we could talk at the end of each month, via chat. I said this would help me greatly. Instead of a reply I was instantly blocked. I was devastated, especially as I was in such a fragile mindset. I have been incredibly depressed since and i feel like like a crazy loser. I now feel like I can't talk to anyone 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mayhem83,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing such a brave and honest post here today. It sounds like an incredibly difficult time. This is a welcoming and supportive space, and I’m sure our community members will have lots of understanding for what you’re going through.

Since you’ve been having feelings and thoughts of suicide, we think it’s really important to find some professional support. You can chat to our counsellors about doing this, and if you have a doctor that you see we think it would be really good to make an appointment with them. If you at any point feel like your unable to avoid acting on these thoughts and feelings, please call 000 or go to the local hospital’s emergency department. You can also ring Lifeline to talk it through with them, if you’re safe but needing help. They’re on 13 11 14 and you can reach them via text or chat here.

It sounds like you’ve made some amazing steps in trying to find someone to talk it through with. We’re really sorry to hear it wasn’t the right time for that person, but we think it’s really good that you’re feeling ready to talk things through and looking out for a good way to do that. You could give the lovely Beyond Blue support service a call on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. We’d also highly recommend reaching out to our friends over at Mensline on 1300 78 99 78 or via online chat to discuss this with them. They also have some really good advice pages on re-establishing social connections and building a support network. You could also look into finding a support group, so that you know the people you're trying to connect with are up for having the sort of discussions you're looking for.

So many of the things you talk about are things others in the community can really relate to, Mayhem83, so we’re really glad you shared this here. It helps others to feel understood, and helps them to open up when they see posts like this. We have some tips for taking care of yourself after a major news event here. We’d also really recommend checking out the HeadsUp pages on Looking after yourself at work, as it sounds like there’s been some incredibly difficult things going on there with the bullying and harassment.

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. I’m sure our lovely community members will spot it soon, but do feel free to share more about how you’re feeling in the meantime.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi mayhem83

A very warm welcome to you 🙂

I feel for you so much as you face this incredibly overwhelming challenge to make sense of everything, including your feelings. I've found, unless someone's experienced mental health challenges for themself, it can be hard for them to relate to how overwhelming it can get.

If you were to put a group of 'conspiracy theorists' in the same room, you could actually call it a room full of philosophers 🙂 They would philosophise over the state of the world, the nature of people in it, how they believe the differences have come about, the impact narcissistic leaders can have on a nation and that nation's suffering.  One philosopher, on their own, is often labelled 'A conspiracy theorist'. As a mum to a 16yo guy and 19yo gal, we're a wonderful bunch packed with a sense of wonder that leads us to explore both the best and worst in human nature, the best and worst in the way things are evolving and the best and worst in a whole lot of other things. Being a wonderful or wonder filled person on your own can be depressing. My husband simply refuses to wonder to the extent of the rest of the family and it does trigger us to frustration at times. He can be incredibly closed minded.

I'm wondering whether you find the media seriously triggering. Personally, I can't have much to do with the media, as I'm sensitive to what's deeply depressing and what leads me to feel helpless. The media is a serious trigger for many people. My kids are the same. My daughter only accesses forms of media that don't conjure up the worst of images and the greatest of fears. She gets the world news carefully.

Sounds like you must have triggered that person you confided in. You must have hit a nerve and they reacted, quite suddenly and dramatically. Sometimes when we hit a nerve in someone it can be based on an issue or belief they have more than it's based on what's 'wrong' with us. For example, if we need to speak about a deeply upsetting topic so as to come to terms with it while better understanding it, the person we speak to may be led to great stress through that topic, so they'll shut down or shut us down. The fact remains that we still need to vent that topic constructively in order to understand it and let go of it, while shifting our perception.

[Guest_1055]

Hi

Just wanted you to know you are not alone in your thinking. . The first paragraph you wrote is almost like I wrote it myself. I understood everything you said. And have felt almost like a sadness, heaviness, and concern for many many people. It is challenging time around topics like vaccines, the new world economic order, digital ID. Truly is scary. I have felt that too. And an overwhelming sensation for mankind.

Talk more if you would like too.

[mayhem83]

Thanks for your replies. Has given me a bit to think about. I think this person was not the ideal person to speak to because they have had bad experiences with women before and then when I started rambling they got massive red flags and I probably reminded them of someone from the past.

I don't want to talk to anyone "professional" about my problems because I don't feel they have much care or empathy for me.  I prefer talking to someone I know but then I end up weighing them down with my problems.

I guess the only solution then is to talk to random people on the internet

[Petal22]

Hi mayhem83,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way and what happened when you spoke to someone you know about it.

I understand your worries regarding the world at the moment but we can’t control what is happening we can only control how we “ react” to what is happening. Try to work on your reactions this where your power is.

In regards to the person you spoke to Im sorry for their reaction but I believe when we are in a state of panic and extreme anxiety sometimes our thinking isn’t as rational as it would be if we weren’t in this state.

I understand you don’t want to speak to a professional but it will be the BEST thing you can for yourself !

Please make an appointment with your gp and do a mental health plan together this will allow you to speak to a psychologist who can give you many helpful strategies for when you are in a state of panic.

Im speaking from lived experience I had severe anxiety OCD I’ve recovered now thanks to the help I received from health professionals I don’t know where I’d be today without their help.