I have recently been told I have social anxiety and depression right, and I have a mental health plan and all of that and I'm currently changing phycologists because I didn't like my old one she was kinda like a mum and would like talk at me and I know I'm not much of a talker and that's probly why but I felt like I was being mum'ed by her. but problem is with trying to find a new phycologist is that the wait times are really bad. I don't get to see my new one until March. I am in my 6th week of this year at high school and its really stressing me out. there are all these tests and I'm like trying to pay attention and focus but like nothing sticks in my brain, and especially for science I like remember it but use the wrong words and because I'm doing ATAR than its deemed as wrong. I am doing 5 ATAR subject and a cert in sport and rec, which is my favorite class because there is no stress or worry. I really enjoyed dance in my younger years of school and i wanted to do dance ATAR but the only was I could do it is if i skiped straight to year 12 and like its fun and all but 2 lessons before my contemporary technique class I had a panic attack in the middle of class because it was all so much, and then the next day in the afternoon I was practicing in my room because I missed out on leaning something because I had a panic attack I had another one. my parents don't know about any of this I try and hide it from them, I mean they know that I have anxiety and like they take me to my appointments but I don't tell my mum anything, I actually don't really like talking to my parents at all like I kinda wished they didn't care about me I know it seems silly and like why would I say that but I generally don't feel a connection to them anymore and like I don't need them or want them. Another horrible thing that happened is because the first few weeks of this year where really hard and stressful I relapsed with my self harm again. I was like nearly a year free I'm pretty sure, I'm currently 4h and 37 minutes free. This is my way of coping, but if I don't do it than everything will fall apart again. I also quit gymnastics which I had been doing for like 7 years and I don't even really know why but all I know is is cant get myself to go anymore and its been 6months since I last trained.
