Suicide Grief. Lost, disconnected

[Miriamm]

Dad has passed away by suicide. It's been 2 months now. Everyday is still hard. How do I keep getting up everyday? I'm lost in a deep, black, cold forest. I am so very tired. God, You didn't stop this! You didnt! I feel so numb, separate, disconnected from what was once a normal world. I'm not the same person anymore. Today, is Easter and I feel so far away. Easter used to be memories of family happiness. I just want to lie here and never get up again. At least, here on my bed, under the blankets, it's safe. No responsibilities. I don't have to get up today. Frozen here where it's calmer, quieter and soft. Today, I want to rest. How do I connect again to this world around me? Tomorrow will be another day. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Miriamm,

I'm so sorry about what happened to your father. I can't imagine what grief you are going through at the moment. Please take time and be gentle with yourself. Everyone grieves in different ways and follows different timelines so don't hold any expectations of yourself. Often it simply takes time for us to recover and even then moving on from the pain is impossible. You will never forget what your father meant to you and the memories you shared with him. Moving on, doesn't mean forgetting that or becoming ok with his passing but with time, your pain will start to lessen and not be as sharp. 

A great resource that you can contact is https://griefline.org.au/. They have a number that is available 8am - 8pm Monday to Friday. You can also talk to the counsellors here at beyond blue at any time by going to https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor. 

Definitely take time to rest and stay in bed if that's what you need. The holidays are a difficult time and you shouldn't expect much of yourself. Connecting with the world around you doesn't mean putting on a brave face and going out having fun. Simply sharing a phone call or conversation with a loved one can make a huge difference if you have the energy for it. As you said, tomorrows another day and it is important to maintain that hope which it seems you have. 

Bob 💙

[Tammy_]

Hello there, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and that everything is hard for you right now.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Usually the grief comes in waves and eventually the grief will become less intense. It's normal in times of grieving to feel exhausted, numb and disconnected, feeling reluctant to leave the safety of your bed. Some people during times of grieving find writing in a journal helps others find support groups helpful to connect again with the world. Have you got a friend or member of your family you can talk to?  Look after yourself, maybe get some fresh air by doing small walks. Am here if you need to talk more. 

[Miriamm]

I had to sign documents this weekend that we agree everything of my dad's estate goes to my mom. Reading those documents made it just so real all over again. My heart feels broken, sad and hurting so much right now. It's midnight here and I'm still awake. Mums birthday is on 4 May and dad's first birthday without him is on 8 May.

[Tammy_]

That must have been difficult and sad. You must miss him so much. These birthdays coming up will understandably be hard. We are here if you need help with each new wave of grief. On important dates like this, some people like to make a memorial or tribute, like doing a scrapbook. Even simply lighting a candle at home or visit a special place. 
 

Please know that Beyond Blue have counsellors you can talk to 24/7 on 1300 224 636 or you can chat online to them on web chat. 

**Hugs**

[Bob_22]

Hi Miriamm,

Thanks for the update. It must of been hard to sign those documents. Remember that we are here to support you and you can always call the counsellors at beyond blue if you need a chat. Keep us in the loop and I hope you and your mum have a good mum's birthday.

Bob