Suicidal idealation

[AnonymousID]

The suicidal thoughts are non stop. I have come close to death several times, which was scary but not scary enough to stop me from doing it again. I self harm because I think that's a better alternative than another attempt. I've been stuck in this pattern for as long as I can remember and don't know how to get out of it.

[Centaured]

How are you feeling today AnonymousID

[AnonymousID]

I made it through the weekend. I have work tomorrow and a phone consultation with my therapist. Hopefully I will be able to go back to work afterwards

[smallwolf]

just checking in to say hello ... how did your session go?

[AnonymousID]

I have a lot of trouble talking over the phone or face to face about my mental health, in particular my suicidal thoughts and trauma. I'm trying to seek help at the moment but find myself overwhelmed with anxiety so much that I can't get words out. When I'm asked a question about my mental health I stutter before losing the ability to talk at all and I have to hang up. I really need to overcome this before the suicidal thoughts become too much

[smallwolf]

I am a 50 year old man and I struggle to talk to the some people about certain feelings. And that would include talking to my psych about suicidal thoughts as well. There are two ways I worked out to overcome this issue - the first was once you start talking about it is easier. Of course, starting that chat is hard. The second way which was even easier (for me) was to write down my thoughts on paper and hand over that piece of paper .. well it is actually notes on my phone, but get the idea.

I have been seeing my psychologist fro 3 years and I is still difficult to say that I feel weak, or the pain is real but I tell myself to suck it up etc. I guess what I am trying to say is the difficulty you have in talking about your mental health is affects many people. Be kind to yourself and little by little ... you may reach the point of feeling comfortable in talking about it.

[Croix]

Dear AnonymousID~

It is easy to see the struggles you are having. It's frightening and can appear like there is no solution. I've been there too so have some idea of what it is like.

Trying to explain things face to face has lots of disadvantages, True you get to see the other person, but it can result, as it did with me, in not being able to give a straightforward account of how I was feeling, what my life was like, and what I'd been doing.

Nervousness, inability to concentrate, fright and embarrassment -plus forgetting things, all made it pretty well impossible. This meant I said less and was 'expected' to get better quickly.

Not an easy situation.

You have two problems really, the first being to set out on paper your life, what drives you to want to take you life, and the effect of thinking about it alone -plus all the other thngs, what makes you want to self (which is more dangerous than you could possibly anticipate, you can end up dead without intending to.) and inability to seek help.

My solution took me a week to write it all down, I'd re-read and adjust so the meanings were clear. It was quite a confronting task when I saw everything in front of me - I used dot point format to keep it as brief as possible and resisted the temptation top leave things out.

I made a copy and handed it in to my doctor and gave them time to read it. I then just answered questions. It helped me, I'd left nothing out (or chickened out) and the doctor had a clear list to work from. Much easier all round.

Your second problem would be getting doctor to see this paper, going to the hospital may not make that easy, you can't use the phone and chat is awkward for a list.

You could email this to your doctor and therapist. I k ow, it's hard to press the SEND button.

If for some reason they will not accept that and take it seriously then why not use a service that has the email means of support?

Kids Help Line https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/email-counselling/

Beyond Blue https://online.beyondblue.org.au/email/#/send

Are two examples, that way you are not face to face and can take your time, you might also find it easier to say if you are getting no benefit.

Do you think this way might be better?

Croix

[AnonymousID]

These emails are for short term support. I really need to discuss my issues thoroughly over a long duration of time to overcome them. Being able to talk about them will mean I am able to accept and move past them. I can't write it down on a piece of paper and give to them because my sessions are via Skype. I'm having trouble with trust and courage. I'm also afraid of being judged poorly for what I have done.

[Centaured]

Can you write it down as an email to your clinician. And then discuss it over Skype when you see them. Also if you tell them how hard it is for you to speak about it they might find alternatives to work with you.
I also find talking about it hard sometimes. But it gets better with trust and practice. Do you trust your clinician. Having a good connection with them really helps.
I sometimes copy and paste what I write on the forums and show it to case manager or psychologist to show them some of what I'm struggling with.

[Oliviabnd]

The Suicidal thoughts for me they seem are constant. I googled "I want to die but am afraid to do it" Is this what is keeping me going because I am afraid. I have severe Anxiety and Depression and it's all because of what has happened at work. So now after phone calls from work i am afraid of losing my job more anxiety. How do people cope with this mental health problem because it is so hard at the moment.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Oliviabnd,

We are so sorry to hear how much your are struggling with these thoughts at the moment and want to thank you for showing such courage in reaching out and sharing these with us today. We know it isn't easy but it is so important that you have.

The qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service are reaching out to you by email as we are worried about you.

We want you to know you've come to a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and receive support to one another based on their own personal expereinces with mental health, many of which will resonate with yours. We want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need.

You are not alone in this and help is always available to you. While the peer support offered here is often quick, it's imporant to note it is not immediate. For more immediate support we ecourage you to reach out to our Support Service day or night on 1300 22 4636 or our firends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. 

If at any time you think you're at risk or harming yourself, please know it's an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

Welcome to our valued online forums community. Please keep reaching out here whenever you feel up to it.