Dear Oliviabnd~
You ask how people coped, I guess I did not, and tried to take my life more than once -circumstances stopped me.
I never told anyone, I was ashamed and frightened of what might happen if I did . I had no job as I'd been invalided out and felt utterly useless, no ability to earn, no self respect, money worries looming up like large monsters, and no way out.
I can't say I was that frightened of dying, in fact it seemed logical. I was suffering from anxiety and depression like you, and i did not realise that all my thoughts had been filtered though the outlook of depression, which narrows down your view of the world to a few insoluble problems leaving hopelessness and self-blame..
Depression is very cunning, and the thoughts you end up with you realy thinking are your own, and the situation is exactly true. As I found out later that simply is not true, an awful lot of the world -where problems are soluble - is hidden from you.
It was only something that made me realise I did not have a true vision of myself and my tiny horrible world, that stopped me that last time and made me seek out someone to tell -this time the truth.
It was like a ton had been lifted from my shoulders. It was not an 'instant cure' but now my doctors were working on the proper problem, and so were effective. No use treating the wrong thing.
I doubt, whatever you read in Dr Google, is it is just a matter of being afraid to die, but more like you cannot see any way out of your troubles, so death gets you out of it. With treatment you will find there are other ways, and when it comes down to it you are worth more than any job.
Talking on the video is hard, and as Centaured says emailing a copy to talk about is a possibility.
There is something even simpler, the next time you cannot speak resist the temptation to break the connection. Even if you sit there in silence for minutes it will be a triumph. Something you have accomplished that is hard.
It has another advantage too, it gives the therapist a chance to talk even if you do not reply, and not only does that give the therapist a better idea of your struggles, but also may in fact say something you find you can respond to -that's progress.
Croix
