Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID · ‎30-11-2020

The suicidal thoughts are non stop. I have come close to death several times, which was scary but not scary enough to stop me from doing it again. I self harm because I think that's a better alternative than another attempt. I've been stuck in this pattern for as long as I can remember and don't know how to get out of it.

Sophie_M · ‎30-11-2020

Hi AnonymousID,

Welcome to the forums. Our valued online forums community is a safe space for you to share your thoughts, seek and give support. We are very grateful you have done this today. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling stuck in a pattern of self harm. We want you to know that you're not alone in this and there is support available to you. Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

You might also be interested in our page "Self harm and self injury" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

Guest_2503 · ‎30-11-2020

Hi Anonymous,

I know how you feel. I've been there before. Please, please reach out to someone trusted in your life. You're so brave for posting on this forum. And I know that you can be brave enough to ask for help in your life. It doesn't have to be like this. As cliché as this sounds, life does get better, it gets better after you get the help you need and deserve.

smallwolf · ‎30-11-2020

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

just to add my 2c to what Sophie_M said... Like yourself I have suicidal ideations - for me, these are more passive and fleeting rater than concrete. For me the ideations are a side-effect of depression and anxiety. I have also been seeing a psychologist for some years to deal with these matters - slow and steady.

Can I ask whether you have spoken about this with anyone? Or do you get any professional help.

I would like to hear more of your story.

Tim

Guest_1643 · ‎30-11-2020

Hey Anonymous - sending you strength and care for how you are struggling.
Please take care of yourself.
I've been suicidal myself. and can understand.. the thoughts are upsetting

Tim gave you some great advice as well.
Do you have a safety plan? They can help also to reflect on where you're at and things that work to keep safe.
Mine is a bit dated myself but I'm thinking to go on to Beyond Now (app and webiste) and make one shortly.

AnonymousID · ‎01-12-2020

I have been hospitalised after some pretty close calls and undergone treatment as a result. But I just want people to think they are helping and I'm getting better so I fake it. I'm not getting better and it doesn't take much to push me over the edge

Sophie_M · ‎01-12-2020

Thank you so much for reaching out and updating the community about how you're doing. We were worried about you.

We're so sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. Perhaps you could ask your peers in this safe and non-judgmental place how they have coped when experiencing thoughts and feelings like yours? We're here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need.

Guest_1643 · ‎01-12-2020

Hey Anonymous

I'm so sorry you're in pain and feeling so stuck in that you can't share openly with others because they want you to just be better

That doesn't sound like u feel so good with the people who were helping you, were they professionals in the services you accessed?
Being open and honest is easier said than done. When I had to criticse the staff at hospital (who said some pretty insensitive stuff about my mental health) I had to write down what I would say and practise it. It was hard and not easy. Speaking up like that is a challenge for me too.

It sounds like u are in pain and I feel for you - I hope you can hold on to what keeps you connected - whatever that may be, and find some space here to share.

Like Sophie mentioned there's no judgement here.

AnonymousID · ‎02-12-2020

It's good to know that somebody understands. I really need to tell my therapist I don't feel comfortable talking to her and try to see someone else. I'm doing up a mental health care plan with the doctor this afternoon so hopefully that helps

Centaured · ‎02-12-2020

Hi anonymousID

I'm sorry you're struggling and to hear about your pain.

I also have si and self harm. It can be so draining sometimes. And I know what it's like to fake it in front of everyone. Do you have anyone you let your guard down with.

I really wish you well the GP, having a good therapist helps a lot. I'm pretty lucky I connect with my current case manager and therapist.

Recovery IS possible. We'll get there, I believe in you. You can do this