Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Richie01]

Don’t stress over my day, just another one of many to come!!! You’ll love the manic street preachers, go you stole the sun after the one I suggested. Music is such a release, i actually spent a 10hr flight with Ben folds many many years ago. Listen to I’m still fighting it. That song is me.. maybe I never got the life it talked about or actually, maybe I did! but god I get it! It just speaks to me. Just like imagine dragons birds does. Anyway, that’s me living through the words someone else threw down. I think I’ll write a song that just expresses it all one day. I think it’s something I want to do. Make sense of this mess I call my life!!!! I’m a total wreck atm. I’d love to say tomorrow will be better but if I smile and make out that I’m ok, no one else will know. That’s the hardest part, coming undone from inside but keeping it all together for everyone watching. Thanks for being here C. I know you get it. I know you’ll tell me it’s ok to have a shit day. Because that’s what I’d tell you.
thanks for being a real mate.

chat tomorrow. Take care

[Catie 08]

I actually wondered if you played an instrument after reading your post last night, I could absolutely see you writing some awesome songs, your really good with words 😊. I actually looked up manic street preachers and I really liked them, they have a real oasis flavour with them. I was an absolute oasis tragic in my early teens (Don't hold it against me lol) Music can be so powerful and yes, it can absolutely speak to you, I get that. I actually bought a guitar late last year in the hope that I might learn to play, so far I can manage a couple of cords but I've got a long way to go. I figured that I spend so much time listening to music why not learn how to make music? (My dad asked me if I was having a midlife crisis 😳, um, kind of yes! - clueless!!!)
Take care 🦆🦆🦆 C.

[Richie01]

Ha. Strumming today, stairway to heaven tomorrow. Guitar 101 lol. I’ve played a few, I quit anything I get ok at. Been pretty good at most things I do which would be great if I actually wanted to be noticed!!!
you know how it is 🙂 btw, gotta love the Gallagher’s no mater how flawed their personal lives are. They had some really great moments. Champagne supernova kind of made my early teens!

mid life crisis! Well, at least he sees something has changed right? That’s gotta be worth something....

Flat out question right now. Make or break a friendship moment lol.
Oasis or the verve????

drugs don’t work vs wonder wall? Just remember wonderwall is a cover 🧐

not really a make or break moment lol. Can’t see one of them 😊

[Catie 08]

I'll let you know when I actually manage to play a tune one day (notice i said when not if lol). I don't want to play to be noticed or even for anyone, I want to play for me, all of this has to be just for me now 😊. Look up Johnny Flynn (the detectorists theme song - this is my goal)
Oasis is the one thing that got me through my teenage years, it was a pretty confusing time but they spoke to me and got me through some pretty tough times so they will always win in my book🤷‍♀️ 😊

[Richie01]

That’s pretty cool. It’s great how music can do that. Pretty good band to have for that too by the way 😉
how are you going today anyway? Mid life crisis situation under control ???
funny how people jump to the easiest conclusion isn’t it, like it’s that easy to just label an observation To be the most generic cause. Guess it’s just how people react.
think I’m going to take the boat out today, get away from it all for a bit. I do have to stop this weight loss nonsense too!!! I’m down below 80!! That’s like the first time since I was 18 or 20, had to go clothes shopping so I didn’t look like I’d been stealing the neighbours clothes lol. The joys of it all hey.
hope your taking care of yourself, liked the Flynn suggestion too by the way, different in a good way but I’m an acoustic fan and I appreciate the simplicity of it all.
I’m with you on the do it for you with the guitar too, keep learning, it’ll be really rewarding when you get to where you want to be with it.

chat soon

[Catie 08]

Lol, all good. Today i feel like a seasoned duck wrangler, I've got those little buggers firmly in a row 🦆🦆🦆😁.
Lol, now i have visions of you going backyard to backyard pinching clothes 🤦‍♀️. I bet you look very spiffy in your new threads. Yes, the weight loss is concerning.... the meds that im on are making me gain weight so we have opposite issues here 🐳
Have you been sleeping any better?
Going out on the water sounds like a great plan. Nothing better to help clear the mind, plus there is noting better than a feed of fresh fish - see all I think about is my stomach!! 😂 C.

[Richie01]

Yeah, slinking through the neighbourhood with a bag stealing clothes lol. Would be a sight for sure.
Boating is a good unwind. Caught 15 kilos of prawns and a Barra so that’s dinner sorted😊

sleeps going better, have the odd night here and there when it just won’t happen but so so much better. Havnt used the sleepers yet so hopefully I can keep going and not need them. I suppose I have to eat more than once a day if the weight loss is going to stop, just don’t much feel like eating a lot.
Don’t worry about the weight gain, really, who bloody cares. As long as the meds are helping, it’s a small price to pay. If it get me you down, which let’s face it, it probably will, then worry about it and you can work on it then. Just enjoy the ducks being sorted C.
kids after school and drs for me tomorrow . Will be a good day I hope. Fingers crossed.

Are you still working from home? How’s that been going?

chat next time. Take care

[Catie 08]

Prawns and Barra!! Totally jealous! You are a long way north from where I am. I'm glad to hear that the sleep has improved, and yes - please EAT!! (Ive got my mum voice on lol).
Yep, still working from home. It's crazy busy. Im sure on monday every stressed Australian decided to call in, it was a full on day but im learnijg to just shut the computer down at the end of the day and to not stress about it. Ive sent the kids back to school early - I just couldn't be parent, teacher and employee all at the same time. I'm realising I am not invincible and I do have limits ( progress!! It's ok to not be ok, right? 😊).
Enjoy your time with the kids tomorrow and enjoy your prawns C.

[Richie01]

I’m three hrs north of Brissie, great place of the world. Fishing is pretty amazing if you know where to go. My god the prawns were good!!!!! My friends who I’m staying with had their friends over and smashed all of them. Glad to see them eaten so fresh. My friends are all older, I don’t seem to associate with people my age too well, all of the people I keep close are pretty much twice my age but I think it’s better that way for me at least.
be getting cold down south by now I’d guess. I love the cold, I’ll probably move down south at some stage, I spent a while in Coffs, loved it there, tassie was beautiful too, but being near the kids is what I live for now. It’s funny how you take life for granted when it’s going smooth. Only in retrospect do we kick ourselves. Life hey....
And yes, it’s ok not to be ok!!!! That’s my mantra. If it wasn’t, I don’t think I could cope. How could we C.
I really enjoy these chats, makes so much seem possible to me 🙂.
stay strong, keep smiling and take care. I wrote something last night, I’ll post it at some stage, just makes me smile and it’s thanks to you. Thanks for being a mate, you’ll always have a place in my heart.

[Catie 08]

I'm 30mins south of Hobart. We had hail and rain here today. I grew up in the middle of Tassie and we often had snow. I hate the cold, our winter days are so short. At least living on the coast now we normally only see the snow in the hills around us.
I'm glad I was able to make you smile, I look forward to reading it 😊.
Chat soon C.