robthomaslover (used to be mb20lover)'s thread

[britishtvfan]

hi everyone. i hope i posted this in the correct thread, i wasn't sure where to post it.

i'm tayla, i used to be mb20lover, but i thought it would be best to make a new account and start fresh. i'm 22 by the way. i couldn't think of a different username, so i thought this one would do.

i have missed everyone i have interacted with somehow, and i hope i can try to support others aswell as hopefully getting support for myself, and interacting with people i have in the past, and new people.

i hope everyone had a merry christmas and happy new year.

- tayla (used to be mb20lover).

[britishtvfan]

i'm not really getting any treatment, just my psychiatrist once a month & my antidepressant. thinking about sleeping tablets too for my insomnia but haven't taken any yet as i want to ask my GP too. haven't made another appointment with my psychiatrist yet, he said he would but he forgot. oh well. doesn't matter i guess, i suppose i don't need to see him much at the moment.

[britishtvfan]

ugh the suicidal thoughts are kicking in. just thinking how much of a failure i am & many more bad things. i should've been having a life in primary school, high school especially - a job, driving, studying, friends, you name it. but i don't have any of that. even if i was doing all of those things i still wouldn't have friends. i admit that i make mistakes & i have no social skills. but it's all i know. i'm 22 & i've wasted my life. most people have achieved so much & are with friends all the time. i haven't seen anybody in 5 years. well dad's brother & a family friend come up but i mean people i know. 5 years. 5 years ago was the last time i felt happiness when i saw rob in concert for the first time. i shouldn't be alive, i have nothing to live for, nothing to give. sigh.

[Sophie_M]

Hey robthomaslover,

We're so sorry to hear that you're thoughts are pretty intense tonight. We also hear how tough you're being on yourself right now - it sounds like you're feeling so low at the moment. 

Please know that you are not alone. We would strongly encourage you to speak with a counsellor by contacting Lifeline on 13 11 14, Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, an/or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

Thanks again for sharing here. We know it isn't easy to do so, but we're really grateful you could share these thoughts and feelings with us tonight.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[britishtvfan]

sorry just to clarify i didn't mean people here avoiding me. i mean people on social media. i try not to go on any form of it much. i usually just watch things on my iPad of a night, have time to myself. i only do that of a night since it's the only time i'm not disturbed (eg don't have to eat, walk, etc). i have made some followers on instagram through wax melts, yeah i know it sounds silly but it's still something. i've made small talk with them, and others who like some shows i like too. so i'm not rejecting friendships. i have made every effort in person and online to try and make friends. it's hard where i live when i've tried to join clubs, etc. and i'm just rejected for no reason and i don't even say i have mental health issues. they don't give me explanations as to why. this was before COVID too. all i say is that i'd like to join the club and try to meet some likeminded people, that's literally all, and my name and age of course. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

Sorry to learn that the dark thoughts are back. Hugs to you.

I’d like to suggest that if you’re feeling this way that it would be a good idea to follow up and make an appointment with your psychiatrist. Mental health community supports are great (acknowledging you can’t always get what you need when you need it) but there is no substitute for professional treatment.

Given you feel you’re not getting treatment despite regularly seeing your psychiatrist maybe you should have a discussion with him/her about what you two are doing together. You should be able to agree the outcomes you are seeking from the sessions and a timeline to see progress.

This will give you some measure upon which to gauge the success or not of the psychiatrist’s treatment plan.

I also want to gently remind you that you do have qualities and gifts to give the world. Your wax melts are an example. Your MH knowledge another.

Did you know that bb has lots of volunteer opportunities? Have a look at Blue Voices on the website. Reach Out also has a forum specifically for people with personality disorders. I found it with a quick Google search (AVPD support).

Perhaps therein lies an opportunity for you to turn your struggles into something meaningful—helping other people. You might learn a lot too.

Just a thought for you to consider. It might feel strange that I’m suggesting you look to volunteer work but if you try it you might just be amazed at how much better you feel. Useful. Helpful. Valued.

Kind thoughts to you