robthomaslover (used to be mb20lover)'s thread

[britishtvfan]

hi everyone. i hope i posted this in the correct thread, i wasn't sure where to post it.

i'm tayla, i used to be mb20lover, but i thought it would be best to make a new account and start fresh. i'm 22 by the way. i couldn't think of a different username, so i thought this one would do.

i have missed everyone i have interacted with somehow, and i hope i can try to support others aswell as hopefully getting support for myself, and interacting with people i have in the past, and new people.

i hope everyone had a merry christmas and happy new year.

- tayla (used to be mb20lover).

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

Sometimes in life people let us down, like the person who blocked you. It has happened to me many times. But please remember that this isn’t a reflection on you, it’s about them.

You did nothing wrong by sharing how you feel. The response wasn’t what you hoped for, but maybe the person just can’t give you what you need right now. Or maybe they are insensitive. Or maybe unkind. We don’t really know why they did what they did but it’s on them.

You are kind and caring and you are enough, just the way you are. I am very sorry that you are struggling with friendship. For what it’s worth, I enjoy communicating with you and value your presence here on the forum.

I am concerned about you, too. If those dark thoughts grow, please reach out for support. The people at the other end of the phone lines of the numbers Sophie has given you will talk you through it.

Please take care. Kind thoughts to you

[quirkywords]

Tayla

I wanted to say welcome back and am sorry you have been upset. I am glad you are back as you are always kind and caring.
Mark and summer rose have been very supportive.

We are listening and here for you.

[britishtvfan]

hi everyone. i'm sorry i didn't reply sooner, i've been rather upset and feeling rather suicidal. i didn't mean to ignore any of you.

hello quirky, thank you, nice to see you again too.

i just don't know what to do. she's older than me with a son my age, she should be mature and talk things over? i understand the age difference but it hasn't worried her before? personally i don't mind, as long as people are polite to me, that's all i ask for.

as for the tumblr thing, that was other people, not her, she hasn't blocked me, just not checking my messages or when i tag her in things in groups we're both in on facebook.

all i said to her was that i felt pushed away and avoided, but in the past she's apologised and said that wasn't the case.

i should be able to express my feelings without being ignored, etc. this isn't helping my suicidal thoughts. i talk to her because we both talk about an actor we both like, and imagine things, like fanfiction. it cheered me up a little.

i'm also said because this actor i'm talking about, it will be 2 years since he passed away on jan 17. i always do that, find an actor & get obsessed, get heartbroken that they've passed away & wish i was around in the 70s & 80s so i could've hopefully met &/or written to them. it sucks being young sometimes, sigh.

[britishtvfan]

sorry meant to say sad, not said, in my above comment.

i just honestly can't believe that people on tumblr have blocked me for no reason, won't talk to me, just because i politely asked if they wanted to be friends since they like something i like? all i said was my name & politely asked that, i wasn't forceful or spamming. i would rather ask than just assume & jump into a friendship.

as for this person, a friend made me an instagram account, i have messaged her, still nothing. i have mentioned that i am feeling really hurt & suicidal from her ignoring & avoiding me (not guilt tripping, just trying to tell her). i have also said that it's on her if she chooses to be immature & act like that rather than talk things over.

i'm still hurt & suicidal, a lot. i just wish i was loved. all i want is online friendships, in person too, but yeah. to be accepted for who i am. to talk to people who like the same things as me, or don't, whatever. i am not rude to anybody. i'm not being forceful or spamming people.

no matter what i do and don't do, and what i say and don't say, i'm never good enough, i never have been and i never will be.

i'm just a waste of space.

[Sophie_M]

Hi robthomaslover,

Thank you for reaching out to us today.

We understand how difficult it can be trying to reach out to others and form friendships only for them not to work out.

It is important to talk about your emotions with others. We want you to know that there is always extra immediate support available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636). As mentioned previously, our friends at Lifeline and the Suicide Call Back Centre are great at talking through things, especially if you are feeling suicidal.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

I don’t think I can say this enough: you are good enough, just the way you are.

I’d like to gently suggest you consider if you may be giving too much power and time to the people on tumblr and the other person you liked to talk to.

I think you are giving them way too much credit to be a good judge of character, worthiness or really anything—given their poor behaviour.

Mark, Sophie and I and many others here at the forum care about you. We see your value. Your friend who set up your Instagram account cares.

I’d like to encourage you to focus on what you have and try not to dwell on what you don’t have. The way I see it, it is their loss to not have you as an online friend.

Have you ever tried talking with others in the BB Cafe or any of the other more social threads on this forum? I’m going to wager that this would be a safe place to try and make friends.

Many people struggle with making friends, you are not alone. I have heard about a new site called Friend Match, which tries to help with this issue.

You might want to explore it. It could be a place for you to join when you are feeling better.

Kind thoughts to you

[britishtvfan]

sorry, i meant to update before, just forgot.

well i commented on their latest instagram post, they said they're on holidays & not looking at messages. sorry but that's a really stupid excuse. people either don't go on social media let alone post on it at all, or they still talk to people? & i found it really rude that she didn't say "i'm going to be offline for a few weeks/however long so i won't be answering", i would've understood & preferred that than being completely ignored & avoided & her acting like i don't exist.

who knows when she'll be back. i wonder what i should do if she ever does reply.

[britishtvfan]

sorry summer rose, i meant to reply to your comment. thank you for the kind words.

i even got banned on a website/app just for thanking somebody who helped me because many others were online (different to here) & they thought i was putting them down which i wasn't. that hurt a lot. i deleted my account from that place but still.

also i got banned from 2 groups for a show i like (same show), 1 of the groups just because i asked this guy who "claims to know the actors family like his sons" & i politely asked what he meant & how he said it was "endorsed by the family"? i wasn't rude, i was confused so i politely asked & got banned. the groups weren't that good but that's beside the point.

i tried to make a facebook group for this said actor (he passed away 2 years ago yesterday, 17th january) & then i got attacked for that saying if it's endorsed by his family or whatever. i don't even know what that means or his family or how to do it?

the actor is the guy in my profile picture, i found it online, didn't draw it, wish i had talent like that.

as for that person not answering me, i commented on her latest instagram post asking if she could please reply to my messages there &/or facebook. she said "i'm on holidays so i'm not answering messages."

personally i found that rude & push away-ish. like everyone either goes on holiday & goes off social media so they don't post, or they still talk to people? she could've told me she wouldn't be talking for a few weeks/however long & i would've understood, or if she needed space, rather than be rude & childish & completely ignore & avoid me like i don't exist. i found it rather hurtful.

i don't know what to do if she replies - play her game & ignore her, or not. i'm worried she'll block me regardless. sigh.

i can never win. people who don't even know me treat me like crap.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

Good to hear from you.

Your online group experiences have certainly been difficult and I can understand why you’re upset. I do want to encourage you to keep it in perspective though.

You don’t really know any of those people and vice versa. And people can be very mean, even emboldened online. Perhaps you have just crossed paths with some very unkind and/or rude people. Like I said before, that’s on them.

From what I understand, the platform you’ve been using is not the best at protecting users from harm either. I’d like to suggest that you do more to protect yourself whilst online.

It’s probably best to choose sites like this one which have community conduct rules which are well moderated.

If you report a post here at least you know it will be reviewed and if necessary action will be taken. I have done this (after repeated insults from a member) and can tell you the system works. You are safe here.

As for the lady who stopped talking to you and then said she was on holidays…

I think it’s possible that now that you’ve tracked her down on another platform and told her you have been feeling suicidal because of something she did that, she may just be unsure how to respond. She may have little mental health literacy and be cautious, as I’m sure she would not want to make the situation worse.

You may not agree. But try to remember that not everyone “gets” mental health, Tayla, and she doesn’t know your story. I like to always give people the benefit of the doubt. That’s just me.

Kind thoughts to you

[britishtvfan]

hey summer rose, thanks.

yeah i do understand she may be struggling herself. i know i've made mistakes and said things out of hurt ect. i do hope i can talk to her and we can put things behind us.

sorry for this short reply, i'm tired as i type this and feeling rather sick (stomach not covid). i have my psychiatrist tomorrow, he'll probably think i'm stupid about it.

and i'm not stalking her or anything, before this happened she gave me her instagram account.