61 years and I'm still here but what is the point, its not going to improve, I feel certain 61 years of this mongrel depression has proved that and I'm so tired of it, tired of everything that goes with it, like the guilt that you just want to be dead but everyone telling you " no you don't, just hang in there, reach out, there is help if you just reach out" for many that may be true, but for so many of us reaching out has been a nightmare that only made a bad situation worse, for many of us it is just going to be an endless painful struggle till at last our numbers up, so how does it make sense to "just hold on" what would make more sense is legalize assisted suicide, so us hopeless cases could leave this world in a humane painless, no fuss or mess way, not for those who can be got past a rocky patch and will come good but those of us that will never be free from Depression it would really help. It would be great to have a legal team as part of it to help get your affairs in order so as not to leave a mess for loved ones when they least can cope with all the rig mer roll that comes with death. I know a lot of people will think this is horrid as they feel life is precious and what I would give to feel that way, I did once when 1 med worked for years, life was great and i wish I could get that back but the medication stopped working and 45 ECT's, countless combinations of medications, therapy, TMS and positive thinking has done nothing to bring it back. Depression really really sucks and I'm really really tired of fighting an unwinnable battle
