I wish I meant something

[...Gekota]

I wasn’t sure where to write this but I guess most things I feel are out of place anyway. I’ve been struggling a lot for a while . For a while I was avoiding my friends because my anxiety had overcome me and I quiet enjoyed being alone. For the past few weeks I guess I’ve been interacting a bit more but there’s so many stuff pumping through my brain that I can’t fully escape I can’t be better for them and I’ve let that full us apart. I found out yesterday one of my friends who I used to be incredibly close to and is such an amazingly wonderful being, is dating someone. I was incredibly happy that she is happier now and I had assumed she was dating this person for a while. But for some reason it also made me very upset, not because I liked her romantically but I guess I felt a jealous, not of her relationship but I saw her texting them and she looked so happy and beautiful and all I could think was “remember when your texts would make her smile” for some reason that got over me and I had an anxiety attack and a huge wave of depression resulting in some bad thoughts and relapse of self-harm also partly because I was misgendered a lot that night and feeling very dysphoric. I really hate myself and I feel like everyone hates me and everything I do is bad and ruins everything. I just wish I meant something to someone like I used to, I wish a was a friend people liked and smiled with and couldn’t wait to her a reply from but now I’m just there but I’m not really anywhere at all. What is wrong with me and how can I fix myself? please help me.

[...Gekota]

hey Sophie,

thank you for that information it was very helpful and good to know as i wasn't aware of it before. I'm not sure that i am ready to take such a big leap by seeing a GP on my own at this point in time but i will keep it in mind and i will look at the Qlife source you sent which was very helpful thank you, i think it will be very helpful for me to hear others stories from transgender people and have there support.

-Gekota

[Isabella_]

Thank you for your kind words :)) Low self esteem isn't easy. Each day is different but I'm definitely better than what I used to be.

I'm really glad to hear that your parents are accepting, that must have been a big relief for you. Writing a letter sounds like a great way to tell them, I'm so proud of you for taking that step!

It's more than understandable if you don't want to see a doctor on your own. I only suggested it in case you were worried about your parents finding anything out, or if they weren't accepting.. It gave me a lot peace of mind knowing that I could see a doctor without my parents needing to find anything out. It takes time to make decisions like that and you might find it easier to go with a parent when you feel like the time is right.

I hope you're doing okay today ❤️ Take things one step at a time and I hope you're being patient with yourself. And again, it's really amazing that you're open to getting support.