I want to ask for help

[____]

For a while, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and while my parents do know that I was having suicidal thoughts, they think I'm better now, however it'has gotten worse. I kind of want to get help as I'm sick of living like this, but I don't know how to get help. I do not want to talk to my parents as they're awful people and I just want to get away with them. My school's welfare guy and counsellors aren't that helpful and I don't trust them. Unfortunately, the only person I would talk to is a drama teacher who isn't actually my teacher anymore, but I seriously can't imagine that conversation going well. I do have a sister who I'm kind of close to but I can't be around her because (bear with me) she is everything I'm not and I feel worthless around her. Is there a way I can get help without my family getting involved?

[____]

Hey Neerja,

I don't really think I have a trigger. I think about death and funerals in the same way that other people think about what they're having for lunch or what they're doing on the weekend.

The school does give extensions if you have a valid reason which does include mental health, but I'd need my parents to sign a note and I don't want them to know I'm having issues.

I will admit, commerce can be very boring but it's quite useful later on i n life. I thankfully got a good teacher who manages to make it interesting sometimes, but i don't think anyone can make budgeting and choosing loans and insurance interesting.

My school has a weird system with electives. In year 7 you have no electives, you have one in year 8 and two in year 9. The electives from year 9 continue into the ones for year ten so I don't have to choose what I'm doing next year. We have to do this because performing arts are compulsory and they take up six lessons a fortnight meaning we can't have as many electives.

Thank you for being so kind. You are most definitely a good friend. Maybe the people you were friends with just weren't the right people. It's not necessarily something you did. There are some people I like, but they're not the kind of people I like to hang out with just because we're into different things.

It's okay that you haven't done anything. All I've done is bake, work on assessments and binge watch greys anatomy.

Thank you for everything

Your friend

April

[iitzMickle]

Hey mate, I know from my own personal experience I started listening to a podcast called the mindset mentor, reading self help books and starting to work on myself from the inside. One of the things I found that helped me also was practicing gratitude. I started writing down 3 things each day and really focusing on why I was grateful for them. It takes a bit of work but believe me it’s worth it I managed to pull myself out of a depression that had been in my mind for 15 years it’s hard but investing time into making yourself the best version of you that you can and trying to be the best version of yourself each day is definitely one of the most rewarding things you could possibly do. I hope this helps. Stay strong ❤️

[iitzMickle]

Also another thing I found really helped me was when I was stuck with bad thoughts I would recognise that I was overthinking and I would take 3 really deep breaths can be more but 3 helped me then I would focus on everything I could see for 15+ seconds then everything I could hear for 15+ seconds and then everything I could feel for 15+ seconds and then all of them at once. The hardest part is just catching yourself overthinking to execute this stratergy

[hellohi]

Hi April,

I understand what you mean about having those thoughts often. For me it's every day, especially in the mornings; I wonder why I have woken up and stuff, I know that doesn't make sense, sorry.

I am really sorry you are going through this. I wanted to say that I am really glad that you are reaching out and talking to people.

How is your school work and story going? Did you finish?

Does the girl still follow you, did you talk to her and try to solve things?

I am really glad you have a good teacher for Commerce. You are right about how interesting budgeting and choosing loans and insurances, lol. I do Business Management in my school, it is pretty boring. But the teacher plans things that are pretty interesting and helpful. Recently we made me designs for cars and our own business. Commerce sounds really hard, I am nervous to do it next year.

Performing arts sounds fun! In my school, we start electives in year 9, and then we move schools for year 10. Because it is prep to 9, so some go to the connected senior college which is 10 to 12. We have this weird thing called futures program which is 5 hours every week. There we do a M.A.T (self-defence, this was awful and embarrassing) program, school-changing (we choose something we want to change or improve, as it is our last year) program, Media, Healthy Lifestyles and some other stuff which I don't remember, lol. I like your school's elective system, it sounds really good.

I think you are right. In my entire life, I haven't had strong and kind friendships, usually, people use me, talk to me when they can't find anyone else, then leave and find better friends, leaving me alone again. Its always been the case. I understand what you mean about liking some people, but not hanging out with them, that's the case with my nicer friends in my class, but I just don't want to be a barrier and ruin my friendship with them in class.

But I am really really glad that I have a friend like you. Thank you 🙂

Thank you for being such a good friend and being here.

How has your day been?

I hope you are doing well. May your day be vibrant, hopeful and beautiful.

Your friend,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi iitzMickle,

I am really glad you managed to pull myself out of depression. 🙂

You gave many helpful strategies, I think April will say the same too.

My school counsellor made me do a gratitude journal, but it made me realise how much I don't deserve to be here.

I hope you are doing well.

Warm wishes,

Neerja

[Guest_1643]

Hi April,

It is really hard struggling with body image as a young girl. I'm sorry your struggling with sucicidal thoughts but grateful you have this forum at least, and can write here safely. I hope you find comfort watching Grey's (my sister also used to binge watch it and she loved it...) I think it's good to have a show to immerse yourself in and get to know all the chracters. I do that quite a bit, lately with Netflix shows (You and Dead to Me!) i get what you mean, i'm also overweight and don't fit neatly into the eating disorder category, which can make it hard to know where to get help from. I did call the Butterfly Foundation and can tell you a little about them if you ever want to call - they aren't too bad.

Are you finishing term soon? Always love to read your posts.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Neerja,

I feel sad to read how you feel, that you didn't really have anyone to turn to. I feel for you and know that a lot of teenagers feel the same. I always felt used like you said. I'm not sure if it was the same, but do you mean that you feel that people want to be your friend only for a certain purpose, then move on? I used to feel that, sometimes they'd be an exciting new friend or group of friends to enter our social group, and everyone wanted their attention/time, I never felt very important or significant, just like a person people passed through while looking for more exciting friends.
Did you get the maths test back?? Hope in the end it was better than you thought.

I've been doing a little better, it was a pretty exhausting few days for me but I appreciated the support from this thread, thank you for your kindness

[white knight]

Hi April and Neerja

Wow, both year 9.

Neerja is is really comforting to see you posting in April’s thread after your many posts in your own thread. You have grown so much on this forum and to support another person in need like April is so commendable.

Hi April. I’ve picked up on something you’ve posted about fictional writing. What a great ability and I also do that in the form of poetry. Have you got any poems? Have you tried writing poems?

eg

CHOOKA CHOOK

Chooka chook had an angry look as she washed the dishes dry
Her friend Pecky the hen, was taken away to be fried

Then Rooty Rooster came to pass and saw Chooka sad

He sad "dont be sad, be glad
You havent been plucked nor baked, or cooked till you're black..unlike Daffy duck...who got cooked till he couldnt quack"

Chooka chook no longer sooked, she did her dishes fast

She never cried while she had her hide. ..she lived each day as her last....

All my poems have hidden messages. I’m wondering how important you find writing to be?

TonyWK

[iitzMickle]

Hi Neerja, I’m sorry to hear that the gratitude journal made you feel that way. Is it because you feel you have nothing to be grateful for? If that’s the case maybe your thinking too big. Maybe start with being grateful for the wind on your skin when you go outside or the sun on your face. Just really focus on how amazing it is that something so far away can produce so much warmth etc or how the grass and the trees and the ocean all work in ways that if we didn’t have scientific reasons behind it we would never know what forces make them do the things they do and just the simple fact that they exist. If it’s that you feel like you aren’t grateful for the things you already have it’s never too late to start. It’s amazing what practicing gratitude can do for you. I try to enjoy every bite of a meal thinking of all the work that went into it. Anything small and then focus on bigger things as time goes on. Hopefully this might help 🙂

[Emmen]

Hello April and Neerja,

You both are amazing. I wish I had the courage to get help back when I was your age (that's about 15-ish years ago). Like the two of you, I had suicidal thoughts and was depressed as a teenager, largely because my parents were overprotective and controlling. Cultural and generational differences played a big role in it. I spent my entire schooling years not having friends. Things that were normal among people my age (like hanging out with friends after school, talking on the telephone - yes we used landlines in those days!) were considered unnecessary for them. I was expected to go to school, study and come straight back home and do my homework. Repeat. Day after day. I felt so caged. I even ended up pretending to be anti-social and unfriendly just so that I did not have to explain to people that my parents didn't allow me to have friends. I was terrified my parents would find out about my mental health struggles so I never dared to see the school counsellor.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me. I just wanted to let you guys know that I really admire the two of you speaking up here and hope the best for you. I don't know if this will help you, but the only thing that got me through those years was to set a goal for a future I could work towards, and then to actually work towards it. I guess I was living for the future than the present. In my case, my goal was financial independence, which I managed with a full time job after uni. The thought of achieving that one day helped me hang in there. As for my parents, the most important thing I learnt in my 20s was to empathise with them. To understand where they were coming from, why they behaved the way they did in terms of their own upbringing and cultural views. I learnt to forgive them because I now know they acted out of love, because they wanted to protect me in the only way they knew how. I cannot fault them for that, they had good intentions. And it was that upbringing that has made me the person I am today. Lastly, find something that helps you express yourself in a healthy way. For me, writing helped a lot. I wrote fiction and it allowed me to escape into different worlds. As I grew older, I wrote less but I got more involved with the performing and visual arts, all of which set me free in some way. I see you two aren't big fans of writing, but see what works for you and let that be your escape whenever you feel like things are too overwhelming.

Take care 🙂

- M