I truly can not see the way out

[naustical11]

Things just Continue to get worse and I can not cope .

I find myself just wishing for the unmentionable. Not in a way I would pursue it , I’m too cowardly for that .
but I fantasize about it being taken out of my hands.
Anything that involves this feeling stopping .

for context . I am a parent , a sole one . I am on a low income despite working unreasonable hours . I am truly exhausted . Work home work home . There is never a reprieve . There is no option to quit because then my people stop eating .

I am essentially working for nothing . All my work is for naught , my financial situation is going backwards . We live on nothing , we can afford no bonuses . Literally living so far below thr bread line . Not even being able to afford basica groceries .

our situation can not improve financially . This is literally the best it gets for us and that just cripples me entirely . No house to look forward too , no future . For christs sake we can’t even look forward to a take away meal .

i am existing . There is no enjoyment at all in life and I am just completely done . I am multiple chronic health issues and even of the brief chance I am not passively fantasizing about the unmentionable, my physical health is failing . It feels like some cruel cosmic joke thah I only seem to be on this earth to live in misery and in illness and pain all in one .

I love my children with every fiber of me and that’s the only thing keeping me present , is knowing if I go then I’d mess up some amazing people in the process .

I have NO social network , none . I am isolated and GP is well aware of this . Psychologist tells me to keep “plugging on “ I feel like nothing but a number to those too .

why should I ? What the hell is is the point of being here .

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear naustical11,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums..

I am so deeply sorry that your struggling so much....I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a nice warm hug....

I am pleased that you have some beautiful children that need you in their lives...and you care and love them so much that they are a huge reason you are still fighting so hard to be here....That is one answer to your last question...also another one is that you matter so much to your beautiful children and to us...people you don’t even know yet..and I am one of those people...I hope that you will give me the honour of getting to know you some more...

You sound like a very strong person....in your eyes you might not see that, but in mine you are..you are doing the best you can both as a parent and a provider... and no one can do any better then that....

Not sure what state your living in...but in NSW, their is an organisation called service NSW that can help you with your utility bills (electricity, water) etc..and St Vincent can help with food...Maybe your local council can advise you of how you can get help in your state if you’re not in NSW...

I am so pleased that you have reached out here at Beyond Blue..it’s an amazing community with so many beautiful people wanting to offer suggestions and give their support to everyone...

I am not sure if I’ve helped you at all...but did want to say hello and let you know that I am here for you...and I do care about you..

Please lovely naustical....talk here anytime you feel up to it...

My kindest thoughts with my care and a gentle hug...if that’s okay..

Grandy...

[Croix]

Dear Naustical11~

Life has handed you a ghastly way to be, and that reminded me of myself which is why I've replied to you

Back then I could see no way out and actually attempted - more than once. This was due to being invalided, losing my job and believing there was no future. I guess I did not have your strenght. Love of a family that depended on me was not enough. that makes me feel guilty now.

Nobody with any sense is going to make foolish promises about the future, though I was lucky and it did turn around for me. Went from no future to a decent state.

It is life, and not you, that has placed you in this position and I guess I think of you facing adversity every day and somehow managing to 'keep plugging on' with admiration. You may see it as being alone in desperation. I see it as noble.

Don't laugh, maybe you have never thought of yourself that way, it is so overwhelming with all the lacks and unfairness in your life, however you do keep on going - how else would you describe courage?

When I look back on my times when completely down and did try to keep going I now feel some sense of pride (as well as the guilt I mentioned before) - that I managed to struggle though.

People are tied to this earth for many reasons. For you it is your kids (plus inbuilt tenacity). They would not see the world or you though your eyes. They would see it and you quite differently.

So may I ask (if you would like to say) how old they are? How do you think they see you? I know you think they are amazing.

I'm not going ot overload you with too long a post, instead I'd really like it if you came back and we talked some more

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Naustical, and thanks Grandy and Croix for your lovely replies.

To work with having to cope with your physical health deteriorating seems to matter to no one except yourself but it does matter to people who have had to cope with this themselves, they know how difficult it can be, while others don't notice and particularly don't care, that's disappointing because just to get out of bed can be so difficult, but you do this for your love of the children and that's what you should be commended for.

It's not appropriate for your psychologist to say 'just keep plugging on' because it doesn't address the problems you are suffering from and resonate with what you are trying to cope with.

If you can look at the other end of the scale where people have all the wealth they need, then the love these people can't compare to what you have for your kids, because they buy their love, and supply anything the kids want, but this still doesn't make them happy, they want more, however what I've seen is that kids in your position grow up to be much stronger ones.

Grandy's suggestion about contacting 'service NSW' and I'm sure other states have similar or 'foodbank' can supply you with food or if you contact Anglicare by 'Food and Financial Assistance - Anglicare'.

If you can please get back to us that would be great, we want to help you.

My best.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi naustical11,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it would be difficult for you.

I understand that being a sole parent would have it’s challenges especially on the financial side it would have its ups and downs but do you know what, you are an amazing parent who really cares for their children’s well-being……. at the moment you are feeling depleted I understand but you have this unstoppable nurturing urge inside yourself to just keep on going….

To just keep on going because you know that what you do you do for your children and that in itself is something you should be very proud of.

Your resilient and your strong you have a determination like no other…no matter how tough the days may seem you aren’t going to quit because deep inside yourself you know that that’s not an option.

I know it’s hard but with all of this effort you are putting in now it’s all going to pay off in a big way……. the big way is the LOVE that your children have for you now and the LOVE that they will always have for you…… when they are older they will show you their appreciation for you in so many ways which I’m sure they do now.

You do have a social network you have us…….. we are your community please reach out to us at anytime.

Think great things … think that something amazing is coming your way… believe it…. Have that intention and believe me something great will come your way….

Im sorry you have chronic illness I understand this would be hard…… I believe in life we are given certain challenges these challenges build our resilience….. the resilience we build today is for a stronger tomorrow 💪❤️

Please chat to me anytime and happy Easter 🐣

[Karen0901]

As someone who spent over 100,000 on trying to have children, I think children are more important than lots of money. If you ask the richest people in the world what is most important to them, most will say their children. Life can feel empty without them. I would be very jealous of you, if I didn't have my child.

However, that doesn't mean life isn't hard because it obviously is, and I have a child so I know it isn't all sunshine and roses.

It sounds to me like you need financial advice, not mental health. As these two things are intertwined at the moment for you. Perhaps you have debt?

There are lots of places you can go for finance advice. I would start at the bank. They might be able to look at any debt and suggest options. You might also find it worthwhile to look over your finances in honest detail and look where you can shave expenses. Even if it is a few dollars here and there. It all adds up and it makes more difference that you think it will.

As others mentioned there are charities etc., that can help you with food. Look for those in your area. If you can't access the information online go to your local library. They may be able to help you find the information.

[Chris_Tas]

There's a huge reason you should be here.

You leaving will impact many and that is a fact. Don't take that path and if vulnerable seek emergency now.

Hang in and take steps to secure your safety.