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I need help

Loula
Community Member

I have Bipolar and the black clouds are pure black. Being told it’s going to go away isn’t helping as it will just come back.

I’ve seen my psychologist and doctor today who have put me under 24-7 watch.

the only thing making me hold on is I don’t want to hurt loved ones.

i hope this doesn't trigger anyone off.

i just need help to stop feeling this

48 Replies 48

Loula
Community Member
No I have not. I’ve been actually very well and was slowly going down on medication. But now I’m double what I’m on. I will see my doctor tomorrow

Loula
Community Member

You are a very kind beautiful person. You don’t see that often. Thank you for the lift up. Means a lot and I really needed it.

That makes me really happy you are focused on recovery. That’s very strong and big.

I’ll keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers

Loula
Community Member

Yesterday I was able to do my makeup and go out for coffee with my grandad. Today I went out with mum and had a medium panic attack.

I’ve been feeling normal well as normal as one can be then I’m in tears.

i talked to my doctor today. He says I’m on a true bipolar journey. Pfft fun times ahead.

we are keeping my medication adjustment the same except my relaxants. I need to use them if I feel like I’m drowning or feel like harming myself.

i told the doctor I’ve harmed myself and he recommended relaxents or find a calm place.

he has though told me not to have them everyday as they are highly addictive and will stop working once I’m use to them. He trusts me with them.

i am attempting to spend the day alone tomorrow but I’m a 5 minute drive from my mums and husbands work.

thank you for everyone’s support.

i will keep writing on here as writing helps takes my thoughts out of my brain and keeps me going.

Loula
Community Member
Woke up today feeling as half as bad as last time. Dangerous thoughts going via my head. Am in a safe place

Hey Loula,
Thanks for reaching out this afternoon,
We're glad to hear you're feeling a little better since last night and feel as though you're in a safe place. Do you have any plans for self-care today?

We can hear that you're still having dangerous thoughts, but please know our Support Service is available if you'd like to speak to someone today. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

Loula
Community Member

I’ve taken extra medication today. I’m with my mum who’s siting with me and putting wedding fails on to make me laugh.

the pain is getting worse. I’m really having self harm thoughts. But I’m in a safe place.

just want to run

Loula
Community Member
I self harmed last night. It got the better of me.

Hey Loula

Sounds like you're really struggling with self harm which is a very common but unhealthy coping mechanism.

What youve said makes us concerned about your well being right now, so we're reaching out to you privately (check your inbox).

We encourage you to share whats been happening for you here through our online community but also want you know that there is always support available to you.

Alternatively, you're welcome to reach out to our support service directly on 1300 22 4636 or online, as well as our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

If you feel at any time that you are unable to keep yourself from acting on unsafe urges of suicide or self harm, then this is an emergency and it's important that you contact 000 (triple zero) straightaway. 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Louka,

I really am deeply sorry that you gave in to your urges...I have been diagnosed with bi polar...I think it’s a wrong diagnosis because I only have 2-3 mania episodes a year, the rest of the time I’m stuck in depression...and go down the dark pit quite a lot when my past trauma triggers me...

I do get thoughts of self harm...and worse when I’m deep down, and can some what I think know how badly your struggling...A few years ago I was hospitalised for nearly 6 weeks at one time, and the last couple of years a couple of weeks at a time...I learnt a lot about distractions while in hospital....I think it’s one of the main coping techniques that are available for us...

When I notice that my thoughts are turning against me...I try hard to find something that will distract them....mostly it’s putting on a song I know the words to, and sing along with it, I also start to play with my 2 fur girls, more then I usually do...or sometimes play internet games....Another thing I was told, was to write my thoughts down on a piece of paper, rip them up and throw them in the trash can....Sometimes self talk helps me as well....I understand that what works for one, doesn’t always work for others...but I thought I would try to see if they will help you, by writing to you...

Its really hard to remember that our thoughts, are just that.,,only thoughts...and we don’t have to act on them...(hard though, I know)...We are not our bi polar...Lovely Loula, you are so much more...

The contacts Sophie has given you are some I’ve used before, and the people on the other end of the phone are very kind and understanding...Please dear Loula, please reach out to them if you feel you need to talk to someone quickly about your thoughts...

Sitting with you lovely Loula, with kind thoughts, my care...and support...

Please let us know how your feeling today, only if you want to...,no pressure here at all...

Sending you a warm and caring hug 🤗...If you like them...

Grandy..


Loula
Community Member

I have called the number. Just told me they safety tools I needed to hear again. 

I am going to call my doctor tomorrow and see if I can get any more help.