The warmest of welcomes to you at such and incredibly tough time in your life where you're trying to make greater sense of the way forward.
I think two of the biggest challenges in life can involve 1)gaining a clear sense of our nature and 2)finding people who can relate to our nature. Before addressing such challenges, we can be left with the false and sometimes depressing beliefs 'There's so much wrong with me' and 'There's no one who can relate to me and the challenges I face'. With such thoughts, there can be such a sense of loneliness and despair.
Not sure if it will help but can you imagine that life is not automatically getting better before you face your next challenge? You're actually working to develop yourself so that life does get better or easier in some ways. You're putting in the work required to reach next level self development. You've already gone up a number of levels and you need to give yourself credit for that. Not sure if you're a bit of a gamer but another way of relating is...to go to next level, you don't just sit there putting zero effort in. It's the moves you make and the effort you put in that gets you there.
With my 21yo son having been diagnosed with level 1 autism a few years back, he's facing a lot of next level challenges at the moment. With him having started at a basic level of skill at work, he's been beating himself up a little while struggling with next level skill development. As I said to him 'Developing the skills will require you to have a better understanding of the tasks and plenty of practice when it comes to achieving those tasks'. He can struggle to gain a clear understanding of the requirements for a task if the person training him is vague in their description, isn't willing to repeat the directions, doesn't have time to explain things clearly, lacks empathy toward someone learning etc etc. As I said to him 'Such things are not necessarily your fault'. Vagueness, unwillingness, poor time management, a lack of empathy etc can point to other people's faults or flaws. He never has a problem with people who are clear in their explanation, open minded, manage well and display patience and empathy. Personally, open minded people who are able to feel for others are amongst my favourite type of people. He actually points to his current job as offering him the chance to develop a number of social skills while also helping develop parts of his brain required for mental processing.
Something I've also mentioned to my son is 'Become more conscious of how your natural abilities can actually interfere with your life'. For example, he has the most incredible natural ability to see clearly into his imagination and the imagination of others. This can create major focus issues. While it may take someone a great deal of time to learn how to get into their imagination through guided meditation, he is naturally there (in his imagination) in a split second. Because his imagination is so fascinating, it's hard for him to stay out of it at times. This is where some of his focus issues come in, being able to focus on things outside of his imagination (especially boring things). Created a lot of challenges at secondary school. He learned easily from teachers who taught through the imagination and struggled with learning from teaches who didn't teach this way. A majority of teachers don't teach this way.
The world is packed with highly questionable people who tend to leave us questioning ourself in so many ways. Keep in mind that while you can be trying so hard to develop in the way of your abilities, you may also be facing people who aren't seriously questioning their own faults (what they need to work on).
