I don't know what to do with my life

[I_Need____]

Hey

I'm currently attending high school. I feel like my life isn't important, and it doesn't mean anything to me. I try to help myself, but I'm always to stressed with school work, since I have the type of parents which if I get under 90%....
I just don't know what to do anymore, since my life has just become gaming and netflix. I went back to school for the first time today, everyone else seemed happy but I just couldn't concentrate. I'm just here to try and get help people and find some help for myself. I have been worse at times, but I feel like if I don't do something soon I could do myself harm. I'm too scared to tell anyone about my thoughts since I told a few of my close friends, who didn't really care or believe me. I feel like whenever I'm doing something I usually enjoy, I've just lost all my enthusiasm.

[Sophie_M]

Hi I_Need...

Welcome! We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear that you've been so stressed that you are considering self harm. It sounds like you are feeling a bit lost and alone with these thoughts, and we understand it must be overwhelming. Please know that you don't have to sit with these thoughts alone - we are getting in touch with you privately to offer some extra support. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided.

Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you in this difficult time. 
 

[I_Need____]

Today I kept on thinking about contacting the helpline. A few teachers came up to me asking if I was fine today, and I just lied. I normally have confidence but things like this destroy me. I'm just wondering who will find out when I contact the helpline. I haven't told anyone since I told my friends who dismissed it. I'm just not comfortable with having my thoughts on myself, but I don't want my parents to find out, since they are already stress enough. I feel like I'm almost a third parent around the house, being the second oldest, I have to manage my younger siblings.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi I_Need....,

Thanks for seeking someone to support you through all you are suffering right now. Sometimes you just can't carry it all on your own and being able to ask for help should not be seen as a weakness.

High expectations and parental stress can end up impacting how you feel about yourself and leave you denying your own needs - gaming and netflix may seem like an interest, but they are often escape/coping mechanisms when you are stressed.

Your desire to help others is reflected in taking on family responsibilities and that is admirably selfless as you battle your own thoughts about commitment to your studies against preoccupation with addictions to entertainment.

We often see parents and teachers as one dimensional (parents 'demand', teachers 'teach') whereas they are far more dimensional than that. Reaching out to your teachers will provide pathways to address and remedy your burdens, and speaking with your parents may reveal much more beyond your initial observations to help you cope better (perhaps removing/reducing some obligations that are not your responsibility).

Having courage to seek help for your gaming addiction should also aid your return to focus on what is truly important to your future.

Any thoughts?

Regards,

t.

[I_Need____]

Today I had a goal, which was to tell someone about how I'm feeling. The end of my school day came, and I hadn't said anything to anyone, and I a teacher saw that I wasn't feeling great, so he came up to me. I said no, which I instantly regretted. As school concluded, I went up to a good friend, but didn't have the courage to tell him. I knew I had stuffed up again, so half an hour later, I texted him, telling him how I felt.

The relief I had was amazing, and I finally don't feel as completely alone. Although this was a small step, it was one in the right direction, which I'm happy about. I think tomorrow I'm going to try and tell someone else.

I was thinking about what you had said, and I decided that gaming was a coping method I use, and that I've also lost enjoyment in it, including most of the other things I use to enjoy. I don't know if that is part of what I'm going through at the moment.

I'll post depending on what you suggest and how my life plays out. Thanks for the support.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi I_Need....,

Happy to hear whatever thoughts are on your mind.

Just expressing how you are feeling can provide much clarity - curious, really, but I think it's because you find yourself actually listening to what you are saying by trying to find the words.

Kind regards,

t.

[therising]

Hi I_Need....

I'm so glad to hear you have started speaking to people about helping you manage your mental health.

I believe there is only one way to make a positive difference and that is to seek it, to seek difference. You will know when you have found the person or the people who will make a difference - you will feel a difference. You mentioned you already feel a difference, having spoken up. Relief is a truly wonderful thing to feel.

I hope it helps you to know that even at the wise old age of 50 🙂 there are times where I know that the only way for me to stay out of depression involves me sometimes finding those who will make a difference in the challenges I face. There are some things too overwhelming for us to go it alone. Finding a reliable circle of people who can help us manage the variety of challenges that come our way in life is incredibly important. In our circle, we may have someone to help us manage our mental health specifically, someone to help us manage rising to the adventures or excitement we so desperately need, someone to help us manage our time or work, even someone to help us manage to open our mind to different possibilities or angles in life or someone to help us manage to find inspiration. Such a circle is so important. Even that person who always manages to get a smile out of us is incredibly valuable.

I have found that forming such a circle is a very conscious undertaking. Only those who make a difference become a part of that circle. Those who make no difference or those who bring us down are not invited. Forming this circle is a challenge, a challenge you're now beginning to accept by the sound of it. You're a powerful person who has accepted the challenge of making a difference. You should feel incredibly proud of having become this person.

By the way, I believe an important part of any challenge or quest is...to question. Do you believe it a reasonable question to ask 'Why would you (parents or teachers) make academic achievement priority over mental health?' I imagine you have many intelligent questions to ask of others.

🙂

[I_Need____]

Hey,

As you said, it is kinda weird that my parents prioritise my grades. Although I don't tell them about how I'm feeling, I get the feeling they notice when I'm flat, but it's almost like they don't care about it. They want me to do well at school, saying that I'm smart. But I get stressed out, especially in group tasks, because I feel like my partners either don't do the work or I have to redo it, since it isn't at the standard my parents want it to be at.

With my health at the moment, I feel kinda flat, like a deflated ballon. I felt happy when I told a few friends about how I was feeling, but I know see that there is much more to it than that. During classes, I am unable to get my work done efficiently, with my concentration ruined at times. Today I had a mental break down, out of the blue, and I just ran out of the classroom to the toilets. I don't know why this happened but I believe it has something to do with this. Further thoughts on this would be appreciated.

And thanks to all of you who are taking time out of your day to help me.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi I_Need....,

Running out sounds pretty intense - how are you feeling now? Did you receive any follow up/response from classmates or teachers afterwards?

I think when it comes to school work, most parents live in a fantasy world where they assume their child will simply waltz through without batting an eye - such is vicarious living! On the other hand, our teachers are well aware of the impact covid has had on students basically left to 'fend for themselves' to keep up the workload. Having undertaken 'Correspondence Courses' myself in the past, I can relate to the virtual impossibility of stepping up to be responsible (hence the netflix, I guess... ah, but I'm in no position to judge!).

Are you feeling self conscious about your 'reputation' in the eyes of your teachers also? If so, please don't, and have a conversation with them. It is no reflection on your intelligence, and talking openly with teachers is actually a sign of maturity (which I didn't learn until Uni) - teachers can be transformed into very caring people when a student shows courage and trust to reach out for support.

The key is to be honest and face up to your own contribution to the situation - much emotional energy is consumed trying to dance to the beat of a different drum. Acknowledging your feelings and expressing them is a good start. Acting on them is probably the step you need to be taking now.

I am sure you will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders.

Kind regards,

t.

[I_Need____]

Hey,

Sorry for the late response.

I feel like I've gone backwards with how I'm feeling. I feel like the only thing keeping me here is music, my favourite thing at the moment, I love it more than anything. I don't know if it's weird, but it is how I feel right now.

The people I opened up to haven't really said anything about it since I told them. And no, after I just ran out of the class, no one said anything.

I don't believe that I have got any better now, and I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. Suicidal thoughts will flood my head sometimes, but other times I see that life is great. It confuses me to think about how my perspective on life changes so quickly.

Further thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks