hi

[Anabel W]

hi , i am a 14 year old girl struggling very badly with sh thoughts and urges. when these urges come on all i want to feel is pain and hurt and i dont know what to do, obviously being my age and still living with my parents is hard to do any harm to myself without anyone noticing. but that just makes me feel more and more trapped knowing i need to feel something but i just can't. i would like to see if there is any other girls around my age struggling with the same thoughts because i feel so alone and different in this world.

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Hi Anabel - sorry you are going through this. I think it would be helpful to call kids helpline or lifeline to discuss. Also your school nurse/psychologist could be helpful contacts. Can you speak to your parents? If not, you could ask the school nurse or psychologist to contact them? It may be that they can get you regular mental health support. You are not in this alone. Things will get better

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Hi Anabel you are not alone and you are not different.  I am much older now but I remember feeling like this at your age. Many adults don’t remember how hard it is when you are 14 - or maybe they want to forget. It’s not easy. When my daughter was 14 her best friend died by suicide. Five years later we still think of her every day and our hearts are so broken. My daughter struggles to process the loss. The world is worse as she is not here anymore.  We all miss her. Her parents are overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. I wish she had held on just a little longer or tried one more call /forum. These thoughts do not stay forever so please please please hold on and the thoughts will pass.

You are brave to come on this page. Sharing  your thoughts may have already helped another girl your age. You have already helped me by distracting me from my own distress so thank you for sharing how you felt. You write beautifully ❤️ 

[Zai]

Hey Anabel.

14 year old girl here too. You are most certainly not alone. I too struggle with such thoughts. Yeah, it’s hard.

Something that kind of gives me grounds to not do it is I think of my body as a beautiful work of art, a canvas that needs to be looked after, not ripped apart.  Sometimes it doesn’t work though, the urges are too strong. But this doesn’t mean you should give up hope, find all your strength in these moments. I thought I’d share this with you incase it was beneficial. 

I completely understand the feeling of being trapped by something but can’t do the supposedly ‘one’ thing that helps me. I’m not sure if I have any advice on this, as I too am struggling quite a bit with it. Maybe this will help you feel less alone, I hope. 

In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you some other non harmful methods I sometimes use when I feel these urges.

1. I rip at paper, dig it with my pen, tear it apart. 

2. Kind of ridiculous, but I try my best to calm down and go outside and either stargaze and lose myself, or stare up at the blue/cloudy sky above me. I listen to the sound of birds chirping and I practise my breathing. It’s really tough to do in moments of distress, but it’s worth a try.

3. And sometimes, I just roll around on the floor in distress until it’s over. (Yes, I’m weird)

I hope this helps even the tiniest bit, though I may be a bit late to the party, by 2 weeks. 

And remember, you’re never alone ❤️