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Help needed

Farmer680
Community Member
Hi it’s a long story so I will keep it short as possible I am a farmer and also work in a hospital as a cleaner I have worked hard 7 days a week for 35 years, we opened our farm up to foster children so we. could teach them farm life something they would never experience ,we done it for ten years had two in permanent care one is still with us one 16 year old girl done a runner and took off and has made up false allegations against me no charges have been laid yet I went to court 2 months a go I now have to go back in four days I I am so scared can’t sleep properly sever anxiety I have never done a single thing wrong in my life have thought about suicide nearly every day I have even googled the fastest way to die,two people I worked with both committed suicide 4 years a go. I love my family and the foster child that Is still staying with us knows her twin sister is lying, I am so scared I will go to jail for something I didn’t do so suicide really is the only way out for me, who is going to believe a 57 year old man what do I do the stress is so bad it’s effecting my work.
185 Replies 185

Thank you very much, the problem is children just about have more power than Adults and children know the system they know they can take off at 16 or earlier and get government assistance, but I am one of dozens of cases a year foster children stitching there carer up with false allegations happens all the time but you are never told that in training , if we were told what could happen in training we would never of done foster caring. I do need to stay strong and get these bad thoughts out of my head it’s making it hard to work especially in my hospital job as a cleaner cleaning toilets ect I only do 4.5 hours permanent afternoon shifts So I can put food on the table my farm is really only a hobby farm I just love helping others. I rang another lawyer as well just to have a talk he said straight out she is a bad person, over his 30 years he has seen far too many innocent people go to jail I will wait until Tuesday my lawyer will be in court but we don’t have to go because of the COVID

thank you everyone for your help

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Farmer...

Thank you for your kind words..

Farmer...Please try to distract those dark thoughts...They are thoughts being brought on by anxiety and depression..You don’t need to act on those thoughts...They are you and I believe in you..that you are so much stronger then what’s going around in your mind...

Having 9 intervention orders against other people...Seems to me that’s she can’t get her way...she will make trouble...Farmer I hope that the judge can see all the trouble she is causing you...along with the other 9 people..you done the right thing by giving her phone to the police..in my eyes you have..

Dear Farmer...please try to ignore those dark thoughts by doing something that you like to do...You don’t deserve this treatment from her...You gave her a home, food, education, your care along with your wife....I think you are an amazing couple to be able to do this...

I admire you both....and I’m praying that the truth will come out..Which I am certain it will....believe in your self...I do..

Here for you Farmer as the other wonderful caring people are here you...

Sending you my care and my kind thoughts...

Grandy....

.

Farmer680
Community Member
Hi thank you very much I really appreciate everyone’s help, the dark thoughts are horrible it’s like someone is telling you do it ,you try and fight it then you keep thinking maybe it is the way to go, but I know it’s not, when we first got the two twins in permanent care they couldnt read write or tell the time we had them still have one twin sister for ten years , we taught them as much as we could even when I was working 12 to 16 hour days farm work and hospital cleaning when they got to high school they were getting A+ in there school work then one goes and tries to destroy us. That’s the thanks we get. I am staying strong I am trying to block out the dark thoughts, I will let everyone know how I go tomorrow the lawyer has already cost us 10 thousand dollars had to sell one of my tractors, hers has cost zero. I wish it was like the old times everyone treated each other with respect and you always respected your elders.
thank you everyone.

Hi Farmer680,

I'm glad to hear that you've found everyone support to be helpful and please continue to keep us updated on the situation. 

I hope that you can keep finding the strength to manage these dark thoughts and to recognise that you have already been making a lot of incredible progress in moving forwards.

I can see that our community here has already done a really great job reaching out, but I just want to say again that in addition to our forums here, you can also call our 24/7 Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport to talk things over, as well.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Farmer...

I know today is a very stressful day for you...

Please try hard to block out those thoughts Farmer....If you feel up to it..Please can you ring BB on the support number our lovely has given you...I highly recommend them....Talking your thought out to one of our trained councillors maybe will help you get through today....

Alway here sitting holding your hand and listening dear Farmer....I am wishing and praying that everything will turn out the best it can for you...keep believing in yourself and know that you done no wrong...

Hoping to hear from you when your feeling up to it...

Sending you my care! and my kindest thoughts and wishes..

Grandy..

Dear Farmer hi there ☺

You're very welcome for the support you're deserving of it poor man 🍃

That's shocking what the lawyer said.
I hold high hope for you that the lawyer has a strong enough case already to back you to get this sorted.
My heart really goes out to you and yours.

I 100% hear and understand what you're saying about it being like someone's telling you to do it.
It becomes so convincing and does seem like it's the only choice. It's not Farmer please believe this.

It feels that way because your minds consumed with probably every negative possible which is quite understandable.

It's imperative for your survival matey that you don't allow any further thoughts about suicide.
As soon as a thought comes dismiss it and tell yourself you want to live! you'll get through this and because you have the love of your family friends and care from many.

Self belief is a strong tool.
Your strengths still there it's buried at the mo but this can change.

If you look around the room or outside or dig into your memory you'll find or see things that are neutral or have/will/given you pleasure. Allow your mind to focus and feel only on that.

If it's only 3 seconds that's -3 secs of pain.

The exhaustion which compounds it more if thats possible due to the devastating affects lack of sleep has eventually your body will allow you decent sleep which gives you more strength too

I understand too you need to process what's going on. Pfftt

She can't win and she would if she destroys you any more.

I believe in you and want to see you get through this.
Thank you keeping us informed.
Very best for tomorrow Farmer
Full support and care to you all ⚘

I am so appreciative of all the support, I wish my two friends who suicided had of known about all use beautiful kind people maybe they wouldn’t of done what they did, these dark thoughts of mine aren’t going to win, they keep creeping back in but I will try to erase them as soon as they come in, unfortunately the good people are the worst off in this world, I am nervous about tomorrow but I will stay strong I will let everyone know how I go tomorrow.

thank you much appreciated.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Farmer..

I too wish more people knew about these forums...especially the ones like your friends who thought the only way out was to leave this beautiful universe...I am deeply sorry for you loss Farmer...

My heart warmed up when you said...” These dark thoughts of mine aren’t going to win”..I am so proud of you saying that..

I am sitting quietly with you Farmer..listening to you care and support for you..

I am wishing you the very best out come tomorrow and my prayers are with you Dear Sir..

Thank you for letting us know how things go tomorrow...

My care and kindest wishes Farmer..

Grandy..

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Farmer...

Just popped in to say I’m thinking of you today...

🦋🌹🕊🌱🤗🤗..and if it’s okay giving you a warm gentle comforting hug...

Grandy..

Farmer680
Community Member

Thank you everyone feeling better today Saturday , the court was adjourned on Tuesday until 1st of December, I am staying strong,

have a nice weekend everyone.