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Have tried to help family and done wrong by them and alone now
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G'Day guys,
Don't know how to start this and my first step in an maybe last attempt to reach out.
5 years ago I lost my wife at a young age, passed away and had a very close relationship with one of my cousin's in another state. My cousin assisted me to move away and move in with her and her husband, in return I assisted in financial wealth gain which is something I'm good at and I tried to get help with counselling, currently in antidepressants and was at one point addicted to pain killers which I finally got off but still on the antidepressants.
Long story short, I had ended up losing my cousin's savings and a huge amount of my own backing that got me this far (most of it was my wife's insurance payout) and now in a terrible place. I for so long lied to my cousin / family about the lost, attempting to rebuild back but failed completely multiple times and lost all my own assets and cash now.
Her husband found out and they tried to talk to me, me being a person who runs away and can't confront things very well, I ended up staying with a the only close friend I have at the moment in a garage, a mattress on the ground thinking I can't move forward from this. Left it for too long, my cousin and husband are now pretty sour (understandable) and want my stuff moved out from their place and I'm now on the verge of taking my own life. Lost all I had worked for and owned. If it wasnt for my friend here I would be on the street but I can't keep this up, as he would need his own space too.
So I'm thinking of just calling it quits when I tried so much to help family out but ended up so badly. I've got nothing else to live for anyways. In case your thinking, my parents are not around anymore and only child I am. I guess thats why I am reaching out now. I appreciate any help.
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Hi, welcome
Some of us make mistakes and those errors define us only if we continue them.
While making those mistakes we will, (understandably) lose some peoples trust along the way and that trust is usually not regainable. That's life for many that havent got the wisdom of their actions.
You likely carry guilt from withholding honesty and other issues, this is surprisingly curable but of course needs the guidance of professional medical staff and your willingness. In the meantime it's great that you put faith in this anonymous forum where we are available 24/7/365.
When people begin a journey from rags to riches they have the rag days as a pivotal time of the real beginning. My parents often mentioned when they first had me and my older brother that they lived in an old shed likely less like the one you are in, and moved our cots around to avoid the drips of rain entering the roof. This era of struggle was always their moment of reflection that made them proud of ending up where they finished.
My only suggestions at this point is to save money with employment, buy a campervan or car and caravan with the basics and that provides you independence. You can reside in free camping locations (get wikicamps online only $8) and occasional caravan park and/or someones backyard. Build your life from there.
Life can be magnificent but in appreciating life we have to overcome many things to reach a level of comfort. That's your challenge.
"I've got nothing else to live for anyways." You do have a future to live and strive for. Every time you feel down, walk around the block, talk to a stranger, breathe...deep.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/want-to-be-a-hermit/td-p/273204
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999
Reply anytime, I'm here daily
TonyWK
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RobMidian: We all make mistakes at some time in our life. I gave my boss advice and a colleague to have their photos developed where my brother in law worked. My boss' photos of Commonwealth Games were lost and my colleagues daughter's wedding photos were lost too. I try not to give advice as it always goes pair shape. Loss of money hurts everyone but maybe one day they may realise not to hold a grudge. Forgive oneself can be achieved in time with patience. I am 62 and by now learned a few lessons of life.
