Feeling alone

[Mysweetpiano761]

These days life just seems like such a struggle… I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and cptsd but I also think I could be struggling with ocd too. I have a psychologist who I’v been seeing for about 2 years she’s helpful but I just don’t think therapy is enough support… some days I seriously feel like just dying. If I had the opportunity I will probably take the opportunity to kill myself the only thing stopping me is my family and how much of an effect that would have on them. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water but shits hard. I’m trying to find a psychiatrist but the waiting process is so long I think I have to wait about 3 months and it’s super costly too… I’m a uni student so I’m barely making much either. Also I’ve taken some sick days from work because of my mental health and my manager is beginning to get mad at me… she doesn’t have any context to how I’m feeling so I get that and she needs workers to show up but I can’t rn. I feel like a let the whole team down…. I could bring it up to her but there’s a lot of stigma surrounding mental health so I’m just a bit scared… confused and lost I hope someone can share some words of encouragement 💗💗

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry you are struggling and in pain. What you are dealing with sounds really difficult. Please know that you have value, you are not alone, and there are people who care about you - for example, your psychologist.

I know you are already seeing a psychologist already but I wonder if would help if you were able to utilise the any counselling services at Uni. I obviously cannot terll you what to do and can only speak about things tht ave made things easier for myself - that is, finding people who can understand what you are going through and you are able to talk with them.

Small steps forward each day, even just getting out of bed, are victories. Be compassionate with yourself. Your mental health is just as real and valid as physical health, so take time to heal. There is hope, even in the dark days. You matter...

[Mysweetpiano761]

Hey there 

you have genuinely such a beautiful soul thank you so much for understanding. I have unfortunately had pretty bad experiences with speaking with school counsellors and psychologists in the past and it’s extremely hard for me to open up. So for the time being i think I may just continue to see my therapist instead of seeking support through a uni counsellor… 

but u are definitely right I should be a lot more compassionate with myself and I will be trying my best to be more patient and compassionate. I’ve actually spoken with my manager about my struggles and she’s actually been very supportive and I’m so thankful for that as that’s given me some hope too. Thanks so much btw u have given me that little glimmer of hope 🤍🤍

[smallwolf]

Thanks. Your kind words mean a lot to me.

I get it that if you have had bad experiences in the past that you would be hesitant to try again. I was just thinking you might be able to vent to them? But anyway. It's good to hear that you were also able to open up with your manager that are being supported - you took a chance and it worked out from the best.  

Also, if you want to chat about anything, just type away here if you need an empathetic ear. Wishing you brighter days ahead. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way.

[Mysweetpiano761]

Hey yeh im just a little worried that they might judge me and invalidate my experience or just give rlly shit advice. In highschool I spoke to my school counsellor and she was rlly rude and judgmental I’ve spoken with several psychologists who were very rude as well unfortunately so I’m almost very careful to who I share my issues with. but yeh I guess I can possibly go in with an open mind and see what happens they could be rlly understanding??? I talked to my therapist yest and she thinks that I should go to a mental health hospital and I’m genuinely terrified because I’ve never been to one… I guess the stigma as well and another thing is in my family no one else struggles with mental health and honestly they probs do they just don’t show it because to them it’s considered weakness it’s genuinely suffocating not being able to cry without feeling judged at home