Do I deserve it or is my mum the asshole

[Marnay21]

So since about a year and a half ago, I started having a quicker mouth, and it would run at the worst of times but I think I've gotten better with it and I've had fam and friends agree but my mum still says everything I say is extremely rude, or out of line, and if I make a joke about my grandmother, because thats our family, we make fun of each other, she will laugh but usually my grandma will get offended. 

Then my mum will yell at me for about 10 minutes which I think is unfair, and she always sides with my grandma no matter what. She often tells me to go blank myself, die, or "I hate you" (1st time she said it I was abt 8 and left sobbing in the driveway).

I'm extremely quick witted but sarcastic at the same time which gets me into trouble sometimes but its to almost anything I say. No matter what its rude or insincere or disrespectful, or I'm talking like she's a piece of crap on my shoe. Everything I say is in a joking manner but clearly I think my voice sounds like something else because its almost always rude, even though no one else says it. I've given up trying to compliment her or family because it apparently just sound insincere but whenever she asks my opinion and I give my honest answer she yells at me because it was to blunt. 

I've given up trying to help around the house because I always do it wrong resulting in her screaming at me for ages, and me saying some dumb crap back at her. I've been diagnosed with depression by my GP but they are refusing to give me antidepressants because they say I'm too young (I'm 12) ad they're trying to refer to me a 1000 dollar psyc but ik we can't afford it so I'm making my mum not do it.

I think my mum hates me, because she doesn't try to engage in conversation gets pissed if I try and show her a video, doesn't seem interested if I tell her about my life, but then gets mad at me if I don't tell her. 

So am I rude, and the creep who deserves it because I'm rude or is my mum dramatic/ toxic

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. No child deserves to be told to "die" or "I hate you" by a parent - that is never okay. However, some gentle communication tips could help improve your relationship if you are interested.

I also don't know what you might say that would be sarcastic and/or considered rude, but from one person that does use sarcasm (a lot, and that's me) there are some things can you can get away with and other things you cannot. And if you do use it, make you can use it in the crowd to you are in - otherwise don't say it and just think it. 

On using sarcasm more generally ... there are plenty of reasons why you might resort to this. And I won't guess as to the reason why. For myself, it is a sort of coping or defense  mechanism as a way protecting myself. It's important to note that while sarcasm can be humorous and entertaining in moderation, excessive use may impact how others perceive and interact with the person. Some may find it endearing, while others might interpret it as offensive or dismissive.

I wonder if there is a counsellor at your school you could talk to? They might be able to help you out. 

I don't think that your mum hates you, though it might feel like that... they could things going on her life that are stressful and it impacts other areas of her life. And when you bite back ... and it gets worse.

What do you want to see change? (if I am allowed to ask)

[Marnay21]

Its usually just stuff along the lines of "Oh I can't hear you" "Try using your ears that might help" but its always in a joking way and at the right time and she just pops off at me no matter what, even if she laughed or found it funny and I just want her to stop saying it. Cos I'm in the process of being diagnosed with depression but they can't do it unless I go to the 1000 dollar psych and we can't afford that. But that means I can't get anti depressants because I'm too young

[smallwolf]

I understand this is a frustrating situation. Since humor is subjective, your mom may be interpreting your jokes differently than you intend, even if others laugh. I noticed you comment about "using your ears"... I am assuming that is something you are saying?  If so... that is something I would think but not say out loud - I know that I no matter who I said that to I would get into the trouble.  And without know what rooms you are both in when you say this... if my daughter is shouting at me from one end of the house to me and I cannot hear her, then? 

Two things you could try out are:

1. low cost mental health services here. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/low-cost-or-free-mental-health-services

2. check out the resources on kids help line here https://kidshelpline.com.au/. You can speak with someone there and work out ways forward.

Let me know how you get on?

[Marnay21]

I have tried kids help line before and they kept trying to get me to tell them where I lived as they thought I was about to kms when it was quite clear I wasn't but I'll try the other link thak you