Evil father

[Reaper grim]

My biological father ruined my life 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Reaper grim,

I'm glad to welcome you to the forum, because it sounds like you are not very happy at all. I take it, your biological father has done things that have hurt & upset you quite a lot for you to say he has 'ruined your life'.

If you'd like to talk some more, you can be sure there are people here willing to listen.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Reaper grim]

I am 62. My first memory is my brother’s death. I was 3+. Next was fear of my biological father.

Should someone live if they are not worthy?

[Sophie_M]

Hey Reaper grim,

Thank you for sharing your story over the last few days. We’re glad you could share here - it’s a brave step to have taken.

We can hear you're dealing with a lot of pain caused by your father, and that you've been contemplating what makes life worthwhile. Thank you for taking the time to put these feelings into words here, we know that isn't easy.

We’ve reached out to you privately to offer some support. If you want to reach out to our counsellors directly to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There are also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

We’re glad to see you’ve met the lovely mmMekitty. This is a really warm and safe community, you’ve made a good step in sharing here. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[mmMekitty]

Hello Reaper grim

I'm so sorry you lost your brother when you were so young. I can't imagine exactly what you felt when that happened. I can guess the home was disrupted, people around you were, maybe, busy, doing thing you weren't involved in, such as the funeral, & talking with other people, & not giving you the time & attention you deserve (?) Maybe you were confused & feeling ignored (?)

At the time you didn't know anything about grief & loss, & no-one may have thought to even try to comfort you. I've known lots of adults who think young children bounce back from 'bad things' that happen, & believe the little children forget & are not affected by traumatic events.

The truth is children feel many things, & may not be able to process all the feelings they have. At that age you don't have many words & if you say something you may be easily misunderstood.

I'm thinking you have been feeling a heavy burden of pain. You may have thought you somehow had done something to cause your brother's death - not so, you didn't.

& you've been alone with your feelings for a long, long time. 

One thing I've done is to try to have compassion for my own younger self. It doesn't come easily, but, over some years now, it is easier.

Would you consider the needs of your younger self? Can you give yourself what your father obviously couldn't?

I'm sorry if this is all too much - I just wish I could reach out & give you a warm gentle hug.

mmMekitty

P.S. I think Sophie M has some very good suggestions for you to consider.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I don't know what happened in your life or what happened between you and your father. Just know this is a safe and non-judgmental space if you want to talk about what happened? And if you do... we are listening.

[Reaper grim]

is anybody there?

[therising]

Hi Reaper grim

First, I wish to say how sad I feel for the child in you who lost a brother so early in life. Such an incredible tragedy no one should have to face.

As far as your biological father goes, it sounds like you've been able to pinpoint some obvious areas in which you feel he changed your path. I can't help but wonder whether there were people who were able to help you cope with such significant and upsetting changes in direction. Not sure whether you're feeling, now more than ever before, the challenges he led you to feel. While I think people can feel things brewing under the surface for years, as far as thoughts and emotions go, a lot can suddenly begin to surface somewhere down the track. Sometimes it happens when we've hit on a number of revelations that have led us to wake up, suddenly becoming more conscious of 1)certain situations, 2)other people's behaviour or even 3)our own behaviour.

If ever you feel the need to chat, feel free to return here anytime.

[smallwolf]

Also listening here...