Is anyone particularly upset about dealing with ‘cognitive defects’?

[Unicorn_Kitty]

I have been struggling with cognitive defects throughout my life, such as lack of attention, lack of awareness of surroundings/directions, slow processing speed, forgetfulness, slower learning abilities & poor social skills. I am managing to keep my streams of income, and more feedback is good, however a lot of services seem indifferent about whether or not they have me working for them. I’ve been given negative feedback a few times about my lack of interactions and some people seem to have a problem with me not knowing what has been said/shown to me right away or for not remembering. When I’m in a situation where I’m unsure about something or someone points something out to me when I wanted to figure it out in my own time & way, it upsets me tremendously, to the point of feeling worthless, cognitively defective & sometimes to the point of suicidal feelings in which I contemplate the point of existing, why my parents had me, why I wasn’t euthanised or murdered & whether I am a waste of space. These feelings are somewhat temporary & occasional but they can be triggered in similar circumstances. Cognitive defects are the worst of issues I’ve dealt with as they may very well be permanent and they are ongoing and detrimental to my self-worth and happiness. I would like to figure out if these slip ups are typical & whether there is a way to feel better in these moments.

Thank you for reading!

[therising]

Hi Unicorn_Kitty

As you move forward on your quest to know yourself better in a variety of ways, I'm so glad you've come here. I've found there are so many questions on any significant quest. I hope many people will be able to offer you answers and revelations as you move forward on your quest.

Personally, I'm a gal who likes to see my brain (that processor or computer up there in my head) as being a part of me. It'll process or compute various types of information, store memories, keep the rest of my body functioning etc etc but it does not completely define who I am. I believe we also have a soulful nature. With this in mind, the question can be asked (if our brain's not working in typical ways) 'Who am I naturally, from a soulful or purely natural perspective?'.

• If we're someone with an inability to retain information (through memory), we may naturally be someone who remembers only the important stuff, like look both ways before crossing the road, but lets the less important stuff go
• If we're someone who prefers life simplified, complex stuff may prove unnecessary as we find a sense of peace in simple instruction. Personally, I choose to leave complex math, physics, chemistry etc up to those who thrive on all that stuff
• If we're someone who is introverted to some degree, only those who can relate may be the kinds of folk we get along best with. And if we're more sensitive than most, we may only choose those who can sense as easily as we can
• If we're someone who struggles with focus, it could be because we have the kind of imagination that is well exercised through daydreaming, plus boring stuff is...well...just too boring to focus on. Btw, while it can be a struggle for some to gradually meditate their way into their imagination, with others they can do it in a split second which is an incredible ability that comes with advantages. For example, if you're a well exercised daydreamer and I asked you to go into your imagination and see what the answer to my problem is, you may see some rolling green field with an enormous beautiful tree. Under that tree is a scroll. Through your imagination you unravel that scroll and read the answer to my problem. Then you come back to reality to give me the answer you saw (which may be exactly what I needed to hear)

I've found the problem with some folk I've come across in life is they think in typical ways. They may not see the value in being able to forget in favour of living in the moment, the value of life in simpler terms, the value in choosing quality of friends as opposed to quantity, the value in being able to lose focus on what's stressful in order to detach and find answers or relief through daydreaming. All these things point to certain abilities, as opposed to them pointing to faults. Happiness and self-worth can be found through such abilities 🙂

[Unicorn_Kitty]

Thank you so much for your input! Your answer really takes a meaningful and different perspective that is worth considering! 

[smallwolf]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling and how difficult it sounds for you at the moment.

The negative feedback you've received is not fair. You deserve to be treated with respect, regardless of your cognitive abilities. They might not be aware of what you go through. Not that that makes it acceptable.

It's also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes. It's not a sign of worthlessness or defectiveness. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. 

I know that it can be hard to feel good about yourself when you're struggling with cognitive defects. But it's important to focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?

(When you focus on your strengths, it can help you to feel more confident and capable.)

Curious to find out more of your story.

[Unicorn_Kitty]

Hi smallwolf,

Thank you so much for your response! The DNA tests I have taken suggest I have well above average cognitive abilities even though there are 6 genotypes associated with average intelligence, 16 genotypes associated with slightly lower intelligence & 19 genotypes associated with higher intelligence. I am still on a quest to find out more about my brain as there are various DNA tests and brain scans to do. I think I might have functional disconnection syndrome and I strongly suspect something very traumatic happened to me as a toddler that I don’t remember and both of those factors could very well cause cognitive defects. I have made a list of my strengths, weaknesses & differences.

Neurological differences:

• Intellectual giftedness
• Einstein Syndrome
• Inattentive ADHD
• Level 1 ASD
• Highly sensitive person
• Trauma

Strengths:

• Intellectually gifted overall
• High abilities associated with left & right hemispheres
• Academics
• Articulation
• Long-term memory
• Independence & unique approach in learning & achieving outcomes
• Focus on tasks & interests
• Abstract & complex concepts 
• Specialised knowledge
• Sciences of interest
• Mathematics
• Intuition
• Creativity
• Imagination 
• Ideas
• Writing
• Inquisitiveness
• Radical thought processes
• Quick-witted 
• Cognitive empathy
• Optimism
• Openness

Weaknesses:

• Processing speed
• Attentiveness to oral/visual/written content/circumstances that don’t interest me
• Absent mindedness
• Working memory
• Processing instructions
• Time management
• Risk-taking
• Social skills
• Language
• Chance & data
• Information technology
• Sport
• Emotional empathy
• Easily fearful/startled
• Easily upset

[therising]

Hi Unicorn_Kitty

You definitely have a lot of abilities, therefor are open to a lot of different callings in life. When it comes to a variety of callings, there can be those who are sensitive to sound who are led to become a musician or someone who needs a good ear for the job they do. Someone with cognitive empathy, who is able to stay switched on to analysis (while also being highly intuitive), may feel the call to become one of the best psychologists there is. 

There's always the possibility some of our weaknesses may involve areas we've simply never been pushed to exercise or strengthen. If imagination, daydreaming or a sense of wonder is an extremely well exercised strength or ability, chances are focus is under exercised. If someone is really powerful in the way of living spontaneously, without solid guidelines, chances are structure and time management may be under exercised. With my son having been diagnosed with high functioning autism, it's not until this year (in year 12) that the under exercised facets are proving to be a major challenge for him. In hindsight, just to name a couple of a number of challenges, it's only recently I can see that I never led him to self discipline in the way of focusing out of his imagination. I never taught him to discipline himself when it comes to developing and managing structure and time. My biggest revelation involved the fact I'd never been led to develop a lot of strategic ways in great self discipline. Not blaming my parents, just recognising why I don't have the skills that I'm now trying to develop as a 53yo woman.

I think a lot can come down to developing some sense of balance. Exercising imaginative and productive forms of daydreaming and exercising ways of focusing creates some balance. Exercising the free spirit in us and exercising structure and time management creates a sense of balance. Exercising a happy introverted aspect within us and exercising the development of social skills (while exercising ways to manage our nervous system in the process) helps create a healthy balance. Finding someone to help us or push us to exercise what we're just not used to exercising or what we fear exercising in some cases can be so important in the way of self development.

[Unicorn_Kitty]

Thank you! Your reply is very insightful and I’ll try to find a way around what I’m not so good at.