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Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Blooming_gloomy Ending my life but not suicide
  • replies: 2

I just want my pain to endI'm tired of trying to numb the painI am tired of drinking myself to sleep every nightI'm tired of that deep hole in my heart weighing me downI want to die without killing myselfI just wish my physical pain would drown out m... View more

I just want my pain to endI'm tired of trying to numb the painI am tired of drinking myself to sleep every nightI'm tired of that deep hole in my heart weighing me downI want to die without killing myselfI just wish my physical pain would drown out my mental pain I've literally had the shittest luck in life.Sexually abused for years as a young child.Never been in a relationship.Every guy in my life has told me I'm not good enough.I dropped out of school because I got sick.I'm bedridden most days with an unknown illness.The people I used to be close with have got busy lives and I feel like a burden when I talk to them.It's just me and my problems and my heavy heart!

Ely_ Scared of my thoughts
  • replies: 5

I don't know what to do.I have been fighting increasing self harm and sui thoughts. As with a lot of people the holiday season is difficult, as is having to be around certain people at family events for christmas. Tonight I am finding really hard as ... View more

I don't know what to do.I have been fighting increasing self harm and sui thoughts. As with a lot of people the holiday season is difficult, as is having to be around certain people at family events for christmas. Tonight I am finding really hard as it is now 15 years since I was finally able to leave my ex, and that 'world' behind. It is unbelievable to me that 15 years ago tonight my life changed so much, and I can't even remember what occurred to make it happen.I have been attempting to stay distracted (this is my usual strategy). It is not working very well. For about 12 months I have been emotionally disconnected except for at times of stress. So at the moment I am not really used to feeling, and when things are coming up my instinct is to push them away however I can. It's not working though. None of my skills/strategies are helping. So my brain is turning to 'what else can work?'I have been repeatedly delaying. Thinking about my dogs, reminding myself of protective factors. I really don't want to let everyone down. Probably the thing that has stopped me. I'm so lost and confused in my own head, and so frustrated with myself. The intensity of the urge to harm is the strongest it has been in months, and I haven't had the other thoughts like this in over a year. I hate my brain.

Claire_4 I feel like I'm officially losing all control of myself.
  • replies: 2

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and honestly, I don't really even know why. I've just been extra sensitive to everything, I'd feel upset, annoyed, angry, hurt way to easily. Things that should only make me a little upset, mak... View more

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and honestly, I don't really even know why. I've just been extra sensitive to everything, I'd feel upset, annoyed, angry, hurt way to easily. Things that should only make me a little upset, make me feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. My emotions just go straight to the extremes. last night I was meant to go on a dinner date with my partner, but he cancelled it because he was too tired from work. And that's fair enough, he does work a lot. but this dinner date had literally been the only thing that had helped me get through the week. Not necessarily the date itself, more so just seeing him again, because whenever i see him i know everything's going to be alright, and I'm going to be okay. And i just really needed that. I don't really know exactly what it was but i felt like something in me just broke. and i was just so over thing and everyone and life. I grabbed some alcohol and started drinking. I was also messaging my friend at the time and she decided to come over and drink with me. but by the time she got there i was already intoxicated. I could pretend and say i didn't realise how much i was drinking but in all honesty i knew exactly what i was doing. I only remember snippets, but at some point my friend had left and messaged my partner, who came straight away. He told me this morning what had happened and i pretended like i didn't remember but i remember trying to hurt myself, all while crying my heart and soul out, I don't think I've ever allowed myself to feel the full extent of the hurt vie carried with me throughout the years, but I've never felt this much intense emotionally pain before, it was a whole other level. and he struggled to keep me from hurting my self, you couldn't have said anything that would have stopped me. I don't remember when i stopped but at some point i was just laying there on the shower floor, soaked, surrounded by my vomit, laying so still. and I could hear my partner telling me to get up, trying to get me to stay conscious. he then decided to call the ambulance. I am okay now but I've never done this before. I need someone's perspective, and help to analyse what happened and help me get clarity. What is happening to me.

Gob TW: The taste of food
  • replies: 1

me and food have been fighting it out a lot recently ,im trying to over come my ed and new potholes are forming all over my road . Anyway im not sure how to start,so im just going to type.why do i detest it ? its almost like the food has perished as ... View more

me and food have been fighting it out a lot recently ,im trying to over come my ed and new potholes are forming all over my road . Anyway im not sure how to start,so im just going to type.why do i detest it ? its almost like the food has perished as i chew it , once delicious and totally binge worthy food now tastes like something spoiled and has the texture of glue ,i can feel my throat close up as i try to swallow it,nausea washing over me and im filled with guilt but mostly disgust ive noticed the more i try to rationalize that its just a sandwich ive eaten half already so why bother why worry? i cant then eat for what then varies from hours to a day ,i just cant stomach it the taste and texture,sight or smell i have no appetite . Even the sight of what once 2 seconds ago smelled ,looked and tasted amazing is now a hot pile of rancid garbage i sometimes almost feel disturbed by it, i cant look at it ,it feels wrong . i have to leave the place where food is as fast as possible . i cant almost explain because its so strange,so sudden.I ve been trying hard to just push through and eat the dam thing ,to not let my hard work go to waste ,to try to not fall back further in progress.but it just tastes so gross and the will power it takes to force my self to swallow it is ridiculous.sometimes i have to just spit it out . what a power the mind is.what is happening ? the frequency that this occurs is increasing to multiple times a week,i struggle to not starve my self and this is making it harder,making it worse . is this happening because im trying to do better ?has anyone ever had this happen while trying to recover?

Bubble44 All I can feel is bitterness and hate.
  • replies: 8

(My Dad is the only reason I'm still alive. Sometimes I wonder if he has any idea how good a father he's been) My mother abused me. She violently screamed at me everyday, nonstop, from a baby until now (I'm 23). She physically attacked me until I was... View more

(My Dad is the only reason I'm still alive. Sometimes I wonder if he has any idea how good a father he's been) My mother abused me. She violently screamed at me everyday, nonstop, from a baby until now (I'm 23). She physically attacked me until I was big enough that she knew she'd lose a fight against me. My siblings abused me. I even have flashbacks of my brother physically assaulting me. He was maybe 8 at the time. I would've been 5? He tried to choke me unconscious, until my Dad found us and pulled him away. My sister exchanged maybe 10 sentences with me over a four or 5 year period of living in the same house. All of those sentences were to insult me. Every friend I have ever had has abandoned me. My best friend attempted to sexually assault someone, and he tried to convince people I sexually assaulted someone (my supposed victim went out of her way to message me saying she never had an issue with me, and that my 'friend' was putting words in her mouth). Despite every one of my friends admitting he was entirely in the wrong, almost all my friends abandoned me so they could keep this psychopath in their lives. Apparently to them, I am worth less than an attemped sexual assaulter (and remember, they believed I was in the right and he was in the wrong. And I still didn't matter). Everyone I meet either hates me with every fibre of their being, or they tolerate me, at best. I'm going to keep plodding along. But I f**king hate every moment of this. I hate this world. I hate everyone in it. I want to live, but it's obvious no one else wants me to. I will stay. I won't do anything to hurt myself. But f**k this world.

Giggyy hopeless and very confused
  • replies: 2

i recently finished high school and im meant to go into uni, but i never planned this far because i have been suicidal for all my teen years; i dont have a dream job or any goals/aspirations and now just getting through each day isnt enough because i... View more

i recently finished high school and im meant to go into uni, but i never planned this far because i have been suicidal for all my teen years; i dont have a dream job or any goals/aspirations and now just getting through each day isnt enough because i have to make huge life desicions, but its so hard to do when i dont even want to be alive to begin with - i just feel so hopeless and lost and more than anything i feel scared, i dont know how to live and i lack so much knowledge because i didnt think it would matter (cause i assumed id already be dead by now...)

lostblackbird Can't breathe
  • replies: 1

I have been such a horrible, destructive force to people who never deserved it. A physical overwhelming lingering sea sickness has enveloped me. I can't breathe, can't think or function The only thing more terrifying to living and being stuck inside ... View more

I have been such a horrible, destructive force to people who never deserved it. A physical overwhelming lingering sea sickness has enveloped me. I can't breathe, can't think or function The only thing more terrifying to living and being stuck inside the loop is not having the one person I love and feel so painfully attached to..because I push & break and destroy all that is good and so damn important.. that they will walk away & not want anything to do with me, to not have them near at all. Even though that is probably exactly what I deserve. Panic, anxiety and total, permanent dread become part of me constant self & state of being. I feel overwhelmed and disorientated. I loathe myself for creating doubt, pain and stress , for creating chaos and drama. I don't want to be this person, I don't want to poison the world and the lives around me because I'm such a massive mess up. Just want to fall into a dark hole and never get back up. The world & those in my orbit would be far better off.

ange1139 Please help
  • replies: 2

Im young i lied im entering highschool aus and i sh and have sucidal thoughts i cant escale its a whole and its consuming me left right and centre help im only ten plus two i have attempted suicide before and i HATE IT HERE IM NOT OKAY AND NOBODY CAN... View more

Im young i lied im entering highschool aus and i sh and have sucidal thoughts i cant escale its a whole and its consuming me left right and centre help im only ten plus two i have attempted suicide before and i HATE IT HERE IM NOT OKAY AND NOBODY CAN SEE IT i dont want my mother father or any grown ups knowing theyll laugh like they always do

Bunny94 I'm struggling with a breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm struggling pretty bad with a recent break up, the break up is all my fault and I couldve done better or changed but i didn't. And now I'm having suicidal thoughts. I know some people may think "oh it's just a break up". But it's seriously is p... View more

Hi I'm struggling pretty bad with a recent break up, the break up is all my fault and I couldve done better or changed but i didn't. And now I'm having suicidal thoughts. I know some people may think "oh it's just a break up". But it's seriously is physically hurting me and I'm starting to regret a lot of things. I don't know how to stop thinking about the what ifs and what I could have done differently. I have never gone through this sort of break up pain before.

User234 I need help
  • replies: 3

My best friend took his life in 2019 just before covid, its been years and I still want to do something stupid. The only thing stopping me is the feeling I still feel now, I want to die but I don't want anyone to feel like this. I've been to hospital... View more

My best friend took his life in 2019 just before covid, its been years and I still want to do something stupid. The only thing stopping me is the feeling I still feel now, I want to die but I don't want anyone to feel like this. I've been to hospital multiple times when I was a kid for these feelings, but now its a lot worse because someone who I done everything with is gone. We grew up in state care and got addicted to drugs as kids. I have more questions, he was the last person I'd expect to harm himself. I just want closure and I don't think ill ever get that, I don't think I can live without answers. I got rid of everything sharp in my house, I'm fkn 27 years old living alone with no knifes in the house. Got rid of my nailgun because I had racing thoughts, I don't know if I've done enough to stop anything. Nothing gives my joy in life like I use to like playing drums, I don't know if its the drugs that ruined my enjoyment in general life activities or if its life in general. I want to die, but I can't do it to my family now I know what it feels like. I don't take drugs anymore but drinking is becoming a problem, that's when I want to do stupid things. I'm fkn lost and I can't talk to anyone because they'll freak out, I don't want anyone to worry because it feels bad to worry. I know at some point, I wont be able to control myself and do something to myself I can't take back. I have nothing to offer in life, I'm not an idiot and I know others see that in me. The thing is I don't care, I just don't want anyone else to hurt. I've seen too much shit in state care growning up. I'm overwhelmed by life, I don't know what to do. I'm on an anti-depressant but its fkn useless, it doesn't help anymore. I think my depression is beyond medication, I need sedation so I can't think. On top of that I was diagnosed with COPD at 24 from smoking. Everything is adding up to an inevitable ending that I can't handle, its almost 12am and here I am spilling my problems because I don't know what to do anymore. I just want peace but I find the opposite, I can't be sober and that's a problem. My best friend may still be alive if he never ended up in care or on drugs, I feel like I'm heading down the same road. I hate life, but at the same time I love my family and want to live for them. Its just hard to cope with the hand I'm dealt