Dealing with Unwanted uncomfortable thoughts.

[Casper84]

Hi There,

I haven’t posted in the forums for a while but over the past while my mental health has been spiralling events in my life just a quick summary (Long term ankle injury, chronic pain, finally surgery on injury and recovery, loss of employment unable to return to previous profession , financial problems have taken their toll and have left me feeling as though my anti depressants aren’t working and I have been experiencing suicidal ideation over the past few months. It seemed to come and go and at first I was able to find ways of getting it out of my head but over the past week. I have been having the thoughts more regularly.

I have an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist next week my first one at a new clinic but have been to the point that I am writing goodbye letters to my family even though I have no actual plans in place to end my life. I just want the thoughts to go away. I also want to know if they are a side effect of my medication as I have been on anti depressants for a long time now.

[Nicau]

Hi Casper84 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It's understandable that the events in your life, including your long-term ankle injury, chronic pain, loss of employment, and financial problems, have had a major impact on your mental health. It's concerning that you've been experiencing suicidal ideation and writing goodbye letters to your family. It's important that you prioritize your safety and well-being, and seek immediate help if you feel that you may harm yourself.

You mentioned that you have an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist next week, which is a positive step towards getting the help you need. In the meantime, it may also be helpful to reach out to a mental health crisis line or use online chat services for support. Beyond Blue contact details are provided on their web.

It's also important to talk to your doctor about any concerns you have about your medication and any possible side effects. They can work with you to find the best treatment plan for your needs.

Remember that you're not alone and there are people who care about you and want to help. The more experienced members of the community will likely have additional insights and advice, so please keep checking back for further support. Take care of yourself, and know that there is hope for healing and recovery.

[Bob_22]

Hi Casper84,

Thanks for your post and welcome back to the forums. It sounds like you have been through alot over the past few months which has culminated in you having these suicidal thoughts. It is great however that you have an appointment with a new psychologist coming up. Alot of your issues sound like they are environmental and things out of your control. It would be difficult I'd say to point at your medication as being the problem. You've been through alot and it is only natural that you would feel burnt out and depressed. Anti depressants do not prevent you from having these normal psychological reactions to environmental stressors. 

I would say to have a chat with your psychologist about what you're going through and if you are still worried about the medication then definitely make an appointment with your GP or psychiatrist. It is during these tough times that I like to turn to other outlets to make myself feel productive and hopeful. This includes exercise, diet, painting, poetry, volunteering and even keeping a journal. I know you mentioned that you are not actively suicidal but it is worth making a safety plan as well. You can create one through the beyond blue app beyond now.

Hope this helps a little and please keep us updated.

Bob

[Tammy_]

Hello there, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, that's a lot to be dealing with. I found speaking to a psychologist helped me in regards to thoughts, in particular Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Mindfulness Therapy (ACT). Maybe speak to your GP about the medication? All the best with the psychologist appointment next week. I really hope you can build a connection with them and work through your concerns. In the meantime, I am here if you need to talk more. Take care. 

[Casper84]

Hi Nicau 

Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I have considered using the support lines or online chats but thought I would try the forums here first. I had a chat with psychologist yesterday and I told her about them and we will be working through some of the stressful things that I have been dealing with to hopefully work through my issue

[Casper84]

I am just providing update for anyone who is following this post, 

I am still here, still having these thoughts but I have bought up the fact that I am having them with my new psychologist. I am following up with my GP this week and will also discuss with him although not sure if he will really listen just going to do my best in advocating for my own health. I am doing my best to try to distract myself from them in other ways. Hopefully they will stop soon. 

[Nicau]

Hi Casper84

Thank you for sharing your update with us. It takes a lot of bravery to speak up and ask for help, and I'm glad to hear that you're doing just that. It's great that you're seeing a clinical psychologist and following up with your GP. Remember that you are your own best advocate for your health and wellbeing, it is so good to hear you for taking that role seriously.

It's understandable that these thoughts have been difficult to deal with, but it's encouraging to hear that you're doing your best to distract yourself from them in other ways. Keep in mind that progress is not always linear, and it's okay to have ups and downs on the road to recovery. Be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time.

I hope that the support you're receiving will be helpful, and I'm sending you positive thoughts for healing and strength. You're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this.

[Tammy_]

Hi Casper84

Thanks for update. Thats great that you have spoken about it to your psychologist and going to speak to your GP. 

It must be frustrating having these thoughts come up when you have been trying so hard to distract yourself from them. I’m sure that must be tiring? Maybe when the thoughts come up tell yourself “Thanks for that brain but that is not the solution I want” because your brain is only trying to help. In ACT therapy (Mindfulness) when we diffuse from our thoughts we step back from our thoughts. 

All the best

Tammy

[Casper84]

Hi Tammy,

It most definately is frustrating to keep having the thoughts about wanting to end it all, especially when things that have all happened in the past few years that have left me feeling like this are actually improving, I have had to leave behind a career that was very physical having me on my feet all day to something less physical and although I'm not back to full time work yet after not working for between 14 and 18 months, I have found something that I can do and am back to 14.25 hrs a week. That is why I am struggling to understand why these feelings are happening more regularly than before and not less. I know it is all in my head and that's why I try to distract myself and push them away.

Thanks for the tip.

[Bob_22]

Hi Casper84,

Thanks for the update. I hope things go okay with your new psychologist. Remember if you need to you can always chat with the counsellors here at beyond blue about your thoughts anytime here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

I'm glad to hear that things at work seem to be ok at the moment. But just because things might be going okay environmentally that doesn't necessarily mean our mental health will follow suit. Sometimes our mental health is affected by other factors such as biological as it was in my case. This is why it is good to see a GP that can recognize this and refer you on to a psychiatrist if needed. Hope that helps.

Bob