Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

This space discusses suicide and self-harm. Consider limiting the time you spend here. To use the section safely, read the pinned discussion.

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Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

Eagle Ray Perimenopausal depression and suicidality
  • replies: 1

I just wanted to share a realisation I’ve had since last night. After several weeks of suicidal feelings and a strange anxious depression, I’ve realised that biological changes I’m going through that I’m now becoming conscious of may be a factor. I’m... View more

I just wanted to share a realisation I’ve had since last night. After several weeks of suicidal feelings and a strange anxious depression, I’ve realised that biological changes I’m going through that I’m now becoming conscious of may be a factor. I’m 47 and perimenopausal symptoms are becoming quite apparent. While there is no doubt underlying trauma issues I’ve been looking into are part of it, I’ve realised the emotions around these issues have been greatly intensified by hormonal imbalances that have become more radical. I’ve just read an article that describes depression as being 16 times higher in perimenopausal women than in other groups of Australians, according to the Medical Republic, a publication by doctors and journalists. A recent study found 1 in 10 perimenopausal women have suicidality. Research has also shown women developing clinical depression during perimenopause when they didn’t previously have it, and others whose depression was under control finding it’s no longer controlled. Conventional treatment approaches to depression may not work as well in perimenopausal depression, from what I’ve read, so I’m looking to see what is known about alternatives. So with this insight I’m going to seek some professional health care advice. Just knowing that hormonal factors are likely involved takes the edge off feeling horrendous. I still don’t feel quite right but I can see the fuller picture now of why things have recently gone downhill. So if you are in a similar age bracket and you have feelings towards suicidality and/or self-harm, this may be another avenue to look at and it can be worth doing some research and talking to health care professionals (even though I know this can seem really hard when you’re in the middle of these feelings). I thought I was going crazy but the unbalanced feelings are making sense. I’ve become aware of parts of myself that split off in the past due to trauma and these parts of myself have been especially distressed in recent weeks as hormones have destabilised. Now more in my attention I can work towards healing and re-integrating those parts of myself. Previous suicidal thoughts have linked to specific traumatic stressful events in my life that overwhelmed me. This time it made less sense but it’s becoming clearer now. It’s kind of a relief and I hope to feel better soon.

Mattie090 Suicidal thoughts and depression
  • replies: 3

HiMy name is MattIm in an extremely dark place at the moment. I’ve been through a marriage separation and my wife that I loved and adored has blocked me. It’s caused me to become very suicidal with no hope in site I have nothing very little friends a... View more

HiMy name is MattIm in an extremely dark place at the moment. I’ve been through a marriage separation and my wife that I loved and adored has blocked me. It’s caused me to become very suicidal with no hope in site I have nothing very little friends and support I’m at the end of my road and don’t see a way out. I have struggled with anxiety for many years I just can’t seem to get through this time.

Supermum Overcoming the need for self harm / punishment
  • replies: 15

Hello all, I am just wondering if anyone has advice re the overwhelming need for self punishment driven by guilt and past abuse/ trauma in the formOf excess medication, inflicting pain on oneself, sexual punishment and risk taking ? I do see a psycho... View more

Hello all, I am just wondering if anyone has advice re the overwhelming need for self punishment driven by guilt and past abuse/ trauma in the formOf excess medication, inflicting pain on oneself, sexual punishment and risk taking ? I do see a psychologist weekly and have input from a psychiatrist who have given me tools to try and help but I haven’t elaborated on the whole extent of my thoughts.It makes me feel absolutely disgusting at times and I am truly ashamed. I try to visualize it just as a thought and not to give it the time and to let it pass but it’s just not that easy at all. I hope it doesn’t offend or upset anyone L

Sadie23 Botched Surgery
  • replies: 3

Hi. I have suffered depression for years and have had cancer for the last 7 years. I had surgery on Monday to fix some of the damage done 3 years ago but it has been completely botched and now I feel completely mutilated. I didn't think it was possib... View more

Hi. I have suffered depression for years and have had cancer for the last 7 years. I had surgery on Monday to fix some of the damage done 3 years ago but it has been completely botched and now I feel completely mutilated. I didn't think it was possible to look worse than I did before. Certainly the surgeon never explained how this could all go horribly wrong. Now I am suicidal. I have been crying uncontrollably all week and can't sleep. Obviously I have no intention of going to post surgery follow up appt but am worried about swelling that is happening around wound. I spoke to another surgeon who has been looking after me for the last 7 years but they won't help because they don't want to upset the other doctor's feelings. Dressings are still on. I thought I would feel better once I got over the anaesthetic but now I am really worried about MH. Any response would be appreciated.

Guest_2350 Would anyone care?
  • replies: 11

Hey, my last suicide attempt is over 2 years ago and I’m so frustrated that nothing has changed. I know the world is not just about me, far from it, but I don’t feel I can talk about how I feel, get some supportive words and not get taken away by an ... View more

Hey, my last suicide attempt is over 2 years ago and I’m so frustrated that nothing has changed. I know the world is not just about me, far from it, but I don’t feel I can talk about how I feel, get some supportive words and not get taken away by an ambulance. I still find it incredibly hard to navigate my thoughts and feelings within this world without getting locked up. I still have feelings and I don’t want to be palmed off. It’s all just pretty talk about RUOK and mental health; but nothing changes. I remember when I was close and I felt as abandoned as I did as a child. It makes me incredibly sad and angry because two of my friends lost their lives the year I let attempted.

Samadhi-Enjoyer Suspected sleep apnea is making me consider suicide
  • replies: 1

It's 3am and I woke up in the middle of the night for the second time in a row these past two days. I'm dead tired, constantly paranoid and nearly just wanna phone it in for this lifetime. And you know what? I feel ashamed for even feeling this way. ... View more

It's 3am and I woke up in the middle of the night for the second time in a row these past two days. I'm dead tired, constantly paranoid and nearly just wanna phone it in for this lifetime. And you know what? I feel ashamed for even feeling this way. Everyone else in my family supposedly has it, but I'm the only one struggling with it? How dare I! How dare I leave work early because I could barely stand! How dare I focus on my diet and lifestyle just to function like everyone else! How dare I, how dare I... The sleep clinic is taking forever to get back to me and I'm starting to think I'll never get that sleep study at all. I don't even know if I can afford it if it ever comes in. I've been desperately trying to find solutions to this but I'm just as clueless as I was a year ago, when I nearly completely botched my studies. I desperately want to believe there's hope but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe each night I wake up with a splitting headache or a dry mouth. I have such a clear and beautiful vision for what I want for the future but it just seems more and more like some whimsical fantasy cast up to cope with the life I have now. I don't know what I want to achieve from this post other than catharsis for having written this. I just know if I attempt to post this, I will regret it, if I don't, I'll regret that too! Kill myself and keep going, I will regret both of them. Get the sleep study or not, I will regret either way. This is no longer a matter of logic but faith at this point and it is with faith do I post this.

Eagle Ray Approach I’ve found helpful for thoughts of suicide and self-harm
  • replies: 4

I just wanted to share an approach that’s helped me in recent days in relation to a depression that came over me in recent weeks and involved some thoughts of suicide and self-harm. The depression was linked to a traumatic memory I’ve now been able t... View more

I just wanted to share an approach that’s helped me in recent days in relation to a depression that came over me in recent weeks and involved some thoughts of suicide and self-harm. The depression was linked to a traumatic memory I’ve now been able to identify. Unable to sleep one night I researched online and found the work of Janina Fisher, a psychotherapist who works with clients with complex trauma. Often the part of us that is experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide is exactly that, just a part, not the whole of us. But the challenging thing is it can feel like the whole of us. In Janina Fisher’s approach it’s possible to identify individual parts that have split off as a survival response. These parts can be unconscious because of the way traumatic memories are stored. But it’s possible to bring gentle awareness to the part that might be feeling shame, fear etc and realise it’s not the whole self. We can then parent and take care of this part with self-compassion. It can help to do this with a caring therapist who is familiar with the approach. I asked my psychologist if she could do this work with me and we did yesterday, and it enabled me to sense and feel what my child self was feeling and be present with that child self to help them feel safe. It’s transforming the self-attack drive behind impulses towards self-harm and suicidal ideation into caring for that part that split off in the past due to trauma. This allows the part to re-integrate into the whole person in a healthy way. I just wanted to share this in case it helps even one other person. It’s still something I’m working on, but it’s given me an understanding of what’s actually been happening to me and that there’s something I can do about it.

Baileysmells How are you supposed to deal with the now to get to the future when the now sucks
  • replies: 7

I just hate everything about my life, I’m doing something I’ve always wanted for myself which is studying, yet I still feel empty, unaccomplished .I have no friends, no actual relationships. My “friend” I made since moving away only messages me when ... View more

I just hate everything about my life, I’m doing something I’ve always wanted for myself which is studying, yet I still feel empty, unaccomplished .I have no friends, no actual relationships. My “friend” I made since moving away only messages me when she feels like it maybe once a fortnight, dry-like.I just sit here wishing for more, how am I supposed to get to the future if the now is this bad

Gonemad Why does the statement I don’t want to be here anymore cause everyone to panic
  • replies: 6

I’m married, 2 daughters who have bought more issues into life alone, elderly parents and a hubby. All I seem to do is clean, wash, cook, and look after hubby, my now married daughters are out of the house, one doesn’t talk to me at all, the other is... View more

I’m married, 2 daughters who have bought more issues into life alone, elderly parents and a hubby. All I seem to do is clean, wash, cook, and look after hubby, my now married daughters are out of the house, one doesn’t talk to me at all, the other is always analysing me telling me what my real issues ate. ( just as well I have a qualified Dr). Yes I often think there must be more to this life and I don’t want to be here I want laughter fun, friends anything but the same boring mundane things. Daughter wants me hospitalised because I say this. I want life as hard as it can be at times but my fight with depression will not win I’m to stubborn but now I’m to scared to open my mouth for fear of how it’s going to be taken. It’s just getting to hard to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions.