Concerned about brother

[bfic12]

My bother has been suffering from depression for about a year now.  Yesterday he sent me a message saying he was a mess and just driving around in his car.  He then told me he was going to end his life but couldn't go through with it.  He has a partner and two kids aged 5 and 3.  I think maybe he couldn't go through with it because of his kids.  He says he wont talk to anyone.  i don't know what to do.

[Croix]

Dear Bfic12~

Welcome here to the Support Forum. It's a good move on you part as you are in a very difficult situation and can probably find others here if you look around, who have had to cope with similar things.

Suicide can be an alien thing  in ordinary life, most people know nothing about it and are stuck as to what to do

I guess to be blunt the first thing is a live brother is worth any possible blame for taking action, it is not a betrayal of confidence, it is love. It is also better to have tried than done nothing if the situation is serious.

May I ask have you talked wiht his partner about this and what was the result?

If it is urgent and you fear for his (or anyone else's) life or serious harm then call 000 and explain the situation. Emergency services can then take over.

The other way is to contact the local Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team (CAT)  by ringing your local hospital. Unfortunately only some areas have these teams.

A national listing where you can read about them is here

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management

There are several things you or his partner can do if its is not a crisis where you fear immediate harm. Persuading  him to seek medical help, or for him to phone Lifeline (131114) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are both very helpful. If he can confide in you that is a start.

Please remember that both you and his partner are in a highly stressful position, and while your brother is lucky to have your support you and his partner also need support. This is not something to put off. I'd suggest either see your GP or a counselor to help you cope.

Lifeline and the Suicide Call Back Service also talks with people who worry about their loved ones and gives advice.

If you felt like saying how things are going htat would be great

Croix

[therising]

Hi bfic12

I feel for you so much, given how incredibly confronting this situation is and how stressful and upsetting it is also. I'm so glad you've met with Croix, who's offered such a supportive and helpful way forward when it comes to direction. Your brother obviously trusts you, perhaps more than anyone, considering he contacted you, confided in you.

Coming from 2 different perspectives

• I'm a gal who back in my 20s faced rock bottom in depression. It doesn't get worse than rock bottom, where an act of desperation feels like the only way out. I reached out to a family member in order to simply stay alive. So, from my own experience and perhaps your brother's, reaching out is the first step in admitting how bad things have really become. Up 'til then, it can be about all the different levels or depths of depression in the lead down to rock bottom. They're levels or depths you think you can manage alone, sometimes without realising just how bad things are really becoming. If you can imagine depression as being like a literal depression, like a deep well, in the absolute depths the inner dialogue can be dark, brutal and misleading. By misleading, what I mean is the inner dialogue can lead someone to believe this is their only way out. Of course, not true and that belief needs to be changed
• I was there for a family member when they confided in me about their intention to leave this earth. This was heartbreaking for a couple of reasons. My heart broke for them, given the pain and suffering they were feeling, especially knowing how that felt based on my own experience earlier in life. It also broke my heart to imagine living without them. We both spoke and related to some of the struggles that can come about at rock bottom. They were surprised that I could relate to how they felt. Perhaps encouraging your brother to anonymously reach out on the forums here could lead him to meet with people who may be able to relate to how he feels. I know I could not manage my family member's challenge alone, so I called on another family member who I know could make a difference to them, someone who was also familiar with this kind of struggle. While I could offer support, the family member I called on actually turned this person's life around in so many ways. Sometimes it takes a team of a couple or more to help raise a person in the absolute depths of depression and despair. This is something Croix points to, you reaching out for help in this situation, in order to find people who can help make a constructive or positive difference to your brother and you in this situation. You need to feel supported too

I think it's important to gain a sense of a person's inner dialogue so that we know what they're really dealing with and what we may be competing with. In that deep dark well of depression, if the inner dialogue's something like 'This person betrayed your confidence, they told someone else about how weak and pathetic you are. They can't be trusted', we gotta override that kind of stuff. 'Shut the hell up (in your head) and just grab a life line. Stop listening to it, it can't be trusted. I've come to get you out of here', could be a good start. It's not 'til you're out of the depths that you see you couldn't have lived without that. In the meantime, it can feel impossible to see clearly in the dark without hindsight shedding some light.

[50WV]

I feel for you. This message is way too close to home for me. I was in the similar situation 18 months ago. Which was totally alien (didn’t feel real). My happy go lucky brother who occasionally battled depression attempted to leave this world. I found him in an un responsive state and it was the worst day of my life thinking he’d left us. Thankfully he was taken to hospital and pulled through. It has been a difficult 18 months and we’ve had to have some hard conversations. He is still not 100% and still occasionally scares me but it has ultimately brought us closer. My words of advice would be to call beyond blue yourself and even book in a counselor / therapist for yourself to help yourself first and arm yourself to know how to handle the situation. 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I addition to what the others have said ...

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. This must be incredibly difficult for you both. It sounds like your brother needs immediate help. Even though he says he won't talk to anyone, you can still help him - you can also let him know you care about him and want to help.

You can't force him to talk, but you can let him know you're there for him if he changes his mind.

Listening...